I have had enough :-(

I apologize for this very long post, but I have so much to get out and I really need to know if I am being logical or not My husband and I have been together for 30 years, married for the last 18 years. During our dating and living together, he was unfaithful with several women off and on for years. I was hurt but found reasons in my own mind of why I should stay. Since we got married, I have no reason to believe he has been unfaithful, and he's been a great husband and father.

Now the problem: about a year ago, I ran into an old friend from before I met my husband. We sent some texts back and forth talking about the good old days. Twice the texts became inappropriate. Once, he said "hows your day going" and I said "you know, just dancing around in my underwear" The second text was I jokingly told him I had hooked up with him way back in the day because he had a cool car. (We were friends who hooked up once, before I even met my husband). Other than these texts - which I know were sooo wrong to send - nothing else was said or done and we haven't even talked in almost a year.

About the same time, a year ago, my car broke down right near this guy's shop and I texted to ask if he still had a tow truck. He did not but he stopped by and jumped it so I could get it off the road. My husband got extremely suspicious but insisted I get the guy a gift card to thank him. So after weeks of my husband saying "make sure you get that gift card, we don't want to owe anybody anything" I did get the gift card and dropped it at his shop. I did not go in, just parked, gave him the gift card and left.

Apparently this was a test set up by my husband, and I "Failed" because, even though my husband insisted I do it, I should NOT have done it.

This was the beginning of the end. He went out of his way to make me feel like a horrible person, horrible wife and horrible mother. He tried to embarrass me in front of my family, my kids and my friends. He asked me to put a tracker on my phone and his, which I did. He kept going on and on about how he didn't need to track me, it was just for the kids. The preaching got to me so I turned it off one day just to see - within 5 minutes of turning it off, he was texting me, calling me all kinds of names etc. I just turned it back on. This type of behavior has been ongoing for a year now. Belittling me, flat out telling me I am a horrible person, horrible mother, horrible wife.

He also said if we ended up separating or divorcing he would be sure the kids - and everyone - knew it was my fault, knew that I liked "whoring around" more than I loved my kids. He also keeps repeating how great he was to me, always showed me love , sent me on trips, bought me stuff.... etc.

Today I told him I felt he didn't respect me and he said "I don't, how can you even respect yourself?!?" And every day is some new test "how long til she comes to me for a hug?" or "what time did you get to work? You say 735 but the tracker says 802" or when I got a flat at work "Its ok to call that other guy for help if you want"

I am a very good person, great mother and aside from those two texts, a year ago, I've been a great girlfriend and wife. I deserve to be loved and respected, not punished and belittled for the rest of my life for a two inappropriate texts I sent to a guy I have absolutely no interest in or even connection to.

I am being unreasonable? Should I give him more time to process by treating me "the way I deserve to be treated" so he feels better? I am gradually falling out of love with him, if not totally already. Add to this mess the fact that we have 4 kids - ages 16, 15, 13 and 10 - and I am at a loss. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!!!!