What is the silent treatment really saying ?

moodyblue83 · Apr 24, 2023 at 07:28 AM

What are you supposed to do when your SO does not want to talk about very important issues that have to be discussed ? She walks around talking extra loud to her friends or my daughters on the phone. It's like what's going on between us doesn't matter in the least to her. It makes me feel like , if I had no feelings at all , nothing would bother me. I'm trying to find a therapist , but no luck so far. I believe I've brought up this issue before in this forum somewhere, and got good advice.
Sorry to be redundant but I have no one else to talk to and I keep hitting a brick wall trying to move on and trying to put good advice into action. It seems like the antidepressants I take are just paralyzing me mentally and physically.

Doffy · Apr 24, 2023 at 09:42 AM

The silent treatment is a recognised form of emotional abuse

ArmorPlate108 · Apr 26, 2023 at 07:32 AM

Hugs to you.

It's a hardcore control technique and one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. It's one of my DH's favorite tactics. Then later he complains I don't talk/communicate with him.

If they know it bothers you, they will double down.

Best advice someone gave me: enjoy the silence. Separate yourself, don't try to engage, let the other person do that. Go do something you enjoy. I tell dh, "if you need something, just let me know.". Then I take care of what I can on my own and let the rest ride. It hurts, especially when you want to communicate with someone, but they are making their choice. Back off and don't engage the behavior and you might be surprised at how she responds once you aren't reacting the way she's come to like and expect.

I wish you the best. It's a crummy thing to deal with.

TishaBuv · Apr 26, 2023 at 07:48 AM

This person is intentionally stonewalling, not just giving you the silent treatment.
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/re...form-of-abuse/
I found that I needed to take the initiative to do what I needed to do in spite of the other person who refused to cooperate.

Spicegirl90 · Oct 25, 2023 at 05:28 PM

The silent treatment means you are invisible to them. It’s manipulation. But are you bringing up the same topic over and over? Maybe they feel they already told you how they feel and you didn’t want to hear it

JD Walt · Nov 24, 2023 at 08:26 PM

I lived decades with the stonewall. It really is a wall, it either walls you in or out or both. You can feel all alone but please don't. I am going through similar and right there with you.

eskielover · Nov 27, 2023 at 02:23 AM

From personal experience, meds will never help situational depression because they don't change the situation & your reactions are a "NORMAL" response to the situation. The longer I stayed in my marriage situation the worse it got till I finally walked out.

In my case some of the silence was because he believed if he was silent then he wasn't speaking a lie (so he believed he wasn't lying).

If you can't find a therapist then maybe time of separation might be a wise idea. Shoot, my now ex wouldn't even respond to my lawyers. He was just an @$$. He was silent but the frustration drove me to yell & anger built up inside me to a very unhealthy point before I left. Don't let it get that far in your life cause it creates total dysfunction

lizardlady · Nov 27, 2023 at 09:16 AM

Agree with ArmorPlate 1000%. I used to jump through hoops to try to appease the other person. It was so freeing when I decided to just go on with life.

Rose76 · Dec 18, 2023 at 02:15 PM

What's going on between you two definitely matters to your wife, a lot. She has further decided that she has nothing to gain by discussions with you. Are you planning divorce? If so, maybe it's best to let your attorney talk to hers. Your wife is aware that you are frustrated by her not wanting to talk about things with you . . . and she's probably enjoying that. So you might move forward with your life and do what you need to do. Don't wait for her input. The silent treatment is her saying she does not need to collaborate with you. It's a way of ignoring you to convey that you've become irrelevant to her. It's meant to be hurtful. She won't change. I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you.

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What is the silent treatment really saying ?

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Doffy Junior Member Member Since Jan 2023 Location: Australia Posts: 11 1	Apr 24, 2023 at 09:42 AM #2 The silent treatment is a recognised form of emotional abuse __________________ Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder, CPTSD, OCD (Per pdoc but not tdoc) (And DDx maybes PDNOS, ASD) Rx: Risperdal 4mg, sertraline 200mg, Sodium Valproate 1000mg, quietiapine 25mg PRN
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Spicegirl90 New Member Member Since Oct 2023 Location: New York Posts: 3	Oct 25, 2023 at 05:28 PM #5 The silent treatment means you are invisible to them. It’s manipulation. But are you bringing up the same topic over and over? Maybe they feel they already told you how they feel and you didn’t want to hear it
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JD Walt Junior Member Member Since Oct 2023 Location: Florida Posts: 21 12 hugs given	Nov 24, 2023 at 08:26 PM #6 I lived decades with the stonewall. It really is a wall, it either walls you in or out or both. You can feel all alone but please don't. I am going through similar and right there with you.
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lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,483 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,513 hugs given	Nov 27, 2023 at 09:16 AM #8 Agree with ArmorPlate 1000%. I used to jump through hoops to try to appease the other person. It was so freeing when I decided to just go on with life.
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