New to the rollercoaster

Hello everyone!

I just joined this forum to have a place to talk with people who can relate to what it's like to divorce a partner.

My husband and I have been together since we were 16. We have been through so much and I love him still. We have two kiddo's and welcomed a partner into our relationship 3 years ago. My husband is bi and we've both had an agreement about being open to another person joining us.

With all the good times, I'm at a point now where I cannot ignore the repeated patterns of emotional abuse and alcoholism that has impacted our marriage throughout the years and also is negatively impacting our children. After a recent incident where our partner was violent and my husband hit him in defense, I have had a HUGE mirror in front of me reflecting what is not okay anymore. The problems are escalating and there is no indication that my husband will change his behavior or take his addiction seriously. I have to do what is right for myself and the kids at this point and am seeking a divorce.

Due to the domestic violence issue and abuse that has occurred throughout the marriage I'm concerned for the safety of myself and need to protect the kids from any more exposure to these types of behaviors. I've filed a PFA order with the court and am meeting with a divorce lawyer I've spoken with on Monday. Due to bail conditions for my husband and partner, I have not had contact with either of them in two weeks and am seeing what life can be like/feel like without drama, anger, outbursts, and alcoholic addiction. My kids are noticing the difference two and are processing feelings but starting to be able to relax more.

Saying goodbye to walking on eggshells and trying to make everything better. This is how I make things better.

Sometimes I feel so scared about how my husband is/will react. He is so good at gaslighting me I know he can make anything seem normal and that I'm just overreacting. I'm not. This is real. I have the support of his parents, my family, my therapist, and countless others and am grateful for this as sometimes I question myself. Working on that and trying to be strong and stick to my guns.

If anyone can relate to the emotional rollercoaster or second guessing and also feeling strong I'd love to read about other stories.

Take care and be well

-RebelForce