Almost a year and still grieving

I am a male, 34. Last year, my girlfriend and I separated after 7,5 years being together. The last 3 years of our relationship were rough and more or less toxic.

I still miss her every day. She was my first love. I always hoped things would be better and we would be happy again. The first months were very hard. I hoped by now the pain would be better, but it's still there.

I have tried dating other women, but I still miss her. It's very difficult to move on. Somehow, I still hope she will come to my home, apologize for leaving me, and wanting to start fresh again. But that never happened and probably never will.

I find it difficult to find new hobbys, meet new people. I still think about her a lot. Moving on is really hard. I have a therapist who supports me, but she cannot take away the pain of missing someone.

I am not as bad as one year ago, but I still feel sad most of the day. And I feel like I wasted so much time. And as I'm getting older and older, I feel like life is going past me and I'm not living it.

Because of this sadness, I have started antidepressants again, but they are not working yet.

I know that mourning takes time. And that with love, there can come hurt. And most days, I can manage. I go to work, do my groceries, cleaning, self-care, sleeping, etc. But sometimes there are days, like this weekend, were I'm lost in sadness and rumination. Where I cannot let go of the past.