I Think I Learned Too Late:

You are going to be ok ❤️ it’s just temporary.

Even after all of this, when i see my wife, i just melt inside.

We spoke last night about some financial issues. When we were speaking, she was dressed for bed in a long (not sexy) overshirt and messed up hair and no makeup and i have never seen a more beautiful woman, but i kept my composure.

I participated in the discussion and we came up with some solutions to a few outstanding problems.

Through the course of the discussion she said, "You are wearing your watch and your diamond bracelet, that's the first time I've seen you wear those in years, what's up with that?"

I answered, "Well, ive been moping around and being so broken and devastated over this break up and i just thought that i gotta change this mindset."

She said, "You know, i made you who you are."

I said, "No. You helped me rebuild my credit and you helped shape my outlook on life and for both of these things, i am eternally grateful to you, but you didn't make me smart, or giving, that's a gift from God, IMHO."

She said, "Yes, i suppose so, but when i think abput how all the time invested and its all going to be enjoyed by another woman, that bothers me."

But, there's no other woman, and i told her this. This breakup, the studio apartment, its all torally f**ked my self-esteem and self-worth, so I've got no plans to date anyone.

Men are so judged by their success and i don't even show up on the radar.

This woman is so unhealthy for you. You give her way too much power. She never helped you, she just used and abused you.

It’s sad that you don’t see this. Talk about a narcissistic discard. She is terrible.

The best thing you can do is get away from her. She is trying to destroy your self esteem. She is a bankrupt soulless person.

Well, i think im definitely on my own path now, that's for sure.

And i appreciate your insight.

(((JustTotallyLost))) when you get a chance there is a very nicely done biography about Gloria Vanderbilt. Please watch it, I stream now as it’s cheaper than cable and one one ☝️ f the services I stream is YouTube. I like to watch different biographies of people. I have to say it’s eye opening learning about the lives and genuine challenges different people faced in their lives. Some people accumulate a lot of wealth and end up losing everything.

It can help you gain perspective for your own life and challenges. Plenty of good people get used and face significant hardships.

Thank you!!+

Lots and lots of changes. I almost can't keep up with them all!!!!

Ok so you secured a studio apartment and you have conquered moving out. That’s good progress.

Next the plan is to set up your studio apartment so it’s cozy and functional. Must have a spot where you can sit and work on your finance’s all by with a plan on how you are going to generate income towards getting yourself in an overall better position in life.

You have your job at the firm where you are appreciated and enjoy contributing using your skills.

You have your music abilities as well and I think you could plan a path for generating more income in that area and you no longer have to worry about any jealous unhealthy input.

Given your desire to romanticize, it can help if you look at this as a beginning of designing your own private garden where you plant your own fruits of labor for “self”.

Can you get more gigs to bring in more money? Idk what is around you but can you play acoustical guitar and work wednesdays and fridays at a local pub? Just an idea, you may have something better in mind.

It’s not a bad thing to have an efficiency. It can give you a place to flop while you hyperfocus on having your day job and more at night. You are actually more fortunate than you realize because you have good looks and are fit and you CAN be productive.

It’s high time you invest in yourself and really be independent.

Good ideas! Ive also decided to start working with a personal trainer to get in even better shape!

This situation has really messed with my sleep patterns. I've only just recently started sleeping all the way through the night.

I'm starting to find some measure of peace within this storm. I've encountered every emotion imaginable through the course of this breakup and I'm starting to feel a little more stable emotionally.

My bandmates have really been supportive of me and super encouraging at every step of this journey.

Some thoughts.

I don't like being alone. I think the past four years of solitude - even though we lived under the same roof - has really made me ever more sensitive to being alone.

Texts like this really warm my heart. This is from a 33 year old bartender at a ckub where we perform and she has the most incredible body, especially her abs, i mean stunning isnt even sufficiently descriptive, but i don't have the self confidence to act on it.

I told her that my studio apartment has a hidden benefit in that it helps to keep me single.

She replied with the following text:

"Well I'm not materialistic so that wouldn't matter to me. But I'm not looking to be in a relationship anyways right now.But for you I would be a friend with benefits if it helped you get thru this. OMG did I just say that. LOL Hey Everyone needs people in their lives and especially when they are going thru hard times."

I saw the bartender's bare midriff and small of back tattoo and i really loved her form. I commented on her perfect abs, then asked about her workout routine. She shared the details and i told her, "Wow, you have an insane level of dedication to be able to stay on that routine. I imagine you apply that same level of dedication to everything that you do. Im impressed!"

That was like a foodgate opening. We talked the rest of the night.

I even have a pic of her amazing belly button. It's just the right size and depth. Breathtaking.

I told her that I'm flattered that she is so kind to me, and she says, "its so ****in sexy the way you reach into my soul and tell me things about me that i wish other people could notice and then just walk off to get up on the stage. 57? **** it. I've never had a man make me this horny without touching me. You got some crazy magic going on."

And she put "Magic Man" on the jukebox and kept winking and pointing at me.

So very good for my self esteem!!!!

What a great day!!!!!

A woman i met in 2012 messaged me today to tell me my platonic interactions with her over 10 years ago gave her the strength to face and conquer her addiction!!!!!!

I'm getting more "OK" with my studio!!!!!

Good Morning. How is everyone doing today?

So, i spent the night with the beautiful 28 year old bartender last night. We just held each other all night. I traced her every curve over and over again, and i told her how beautiful and amazing she was, and each time these words would roll gently off my tongue, she would sigh and literally melt right into me.

The laser universe light cast a thousand green dots on the ceiling, like many planets, and colors, like unto the northern lights, would waft across the room. Her dark brown skin was so incredibly soft. Her smell was a stunning symphony of floral accents and her hair splayed out across my chest like silk.

I could feel her heart beating against me, and in a few minutes, i realized that our heartbeats had somehow synchronized. With a touch as light as a feather, I would trace tiny circles on the ball of her shoulder with my fingertips until tiny goosebumps appeared all up and down her arm and she would gently shiver, the burrow back into me.

Her feminine form was beyond remarkable in the faint glow of the room, as the sound of frogs and crickets drifted in through the open window. The scent of lavender danced through my senses.

There was no sex. Just the incredible beauty of not being alone.