I Hate Being A Part-Time Dad

AUTiger7222 · Apr 17, 2024 at 10:22 PM

The title says it all. I'm a part-time dad. That's all I'll ever be since my divorce unless one of my kids decides to live with me when they get older. I could one day see my son wanting to live with me but for now he's only 3 and therefore he's not old enough to make that decision on his own. Some days and sometimes it's not so bad. I'm able to focus on doing other things but then sometimes I get to missing my kids so bad and the pain is beyond overwhelming. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this.

CANDC · Apr 18, 2024 at 04:18 PM

@AUTiger7222 oh no that sounds very hard to handle. When do you get to see your kids?

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message]

TheGal · Apr 18, 2024 at 08:05 PM

I'm so sorry... your pain is palpable.

I wish I had an answer for you... Facetiming every day may not be the optimal substitute but it's something. Do the terms of your divorce allow that?

How often do you get to have your kids with you overnight?

You're grieving right now and need someone to rely on to share your feelings. Do you have a support network where you feel safe and not so alone? Friends? A counsellor? A doctor?

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain...

divine1966 · Apr 18, 2024 at 08:24 PM

I am sorry. Not easy. I saw your other post. I see that you have unusual arrangement of having kids all day. You only don’t have them at night and on the weekends. Are you stay at home dad? I’d say you see them a lot. I know it’s still hard but it seems like very generous arrangement. Is this arrangement long term or until they go to day care/school? In the future 50/50 might be a good deal for all parties involved. It’s painful no matter how you slice it, of course.

divine1966 · Apr 18, 2024 at 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGal

I'm so sorry... your pain is palpable.

I wish I had an answer for you... Facetiming every day may not be the optimal substitute but it's something. Do the terms of your divorce allow that?

How often do you get to have your kids with you overnight?

You're grieving right now and need someone to rely on to share your feelings. Do you have a support network where you feel safe and not so alone? Friends? A counsellor? A doctor?

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain...

Daily FaceTiming with an infant and a three year old is not reasonable or realistic. They don’t have attention span for that and it’s intrusive and disruptive for the other household.

TryToBeBetter · Apr 18, 2024 at 09:01 PM

Hey Tiger I feel you I honestly do. I am fairly recently separated and while I have my kids every second week I miss them terribly when they are not with me. I am the main source of emotional support for them and it breaks my heart when my youngest is struggling and I can't be there for them. All I can say is focus on being the best dad you can be when you are with them. ALWAYS put them first and don't put down their mother in front of them. But yeah... it's really hard. Hang in there and talk to people on here.

AUTiger7222 · Apr 20, 2024 at 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CANDC

@AUTiger7222 oh no that sounds very hard to handle. When do you get to see your kids?

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message]

@CANDC

The times I've gotten to see them and be with them has been very fluid because my ex keeps changing jobs so the times she's working and the times I have them changes as a result. I'm hoping that one day we'll be able to settle into a routine because it would be helpful to everyone involved. But right now there's not a set schedule. It's just whenever at present.

AUTiger7222 · Apr 20, 2024 at 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGal

I'm so sorry... your pain is palpable.

I wish I had an answer for you... Facetiming every day may not be the optimal substitute but it's something. Do the terms of your divorce allow that?

How often do you get to have your kids with you overnight?

You're grieving right now and need someone to rely on to share your feelings. Do you have a support network where you feel safe and not so alone? Friends? A counsellor? A doctor?

Again, I'm so sorry for your pain...

I can indeed facetime as often as I like but my kids are 3 and 1 so it's not a great substitute for actually being with them.

I wish I did have a support group or something because that would be helpful but I'm isolated so it's even harder.

AUTiger7222 · Apr 20, 2024 at 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry. Not easy. I saw your other post. I see that you have unusual arrangement of having kids all day. You only don’t have them at night and on the weekends. Are you stay at home dad? I’d say you see them a lot. I know it’s still hard but it seems like very generous arrangement. Is this arrangement long term or until they go to day care/school? In the future 50/50 might be a good deal for all parties involved. It’s painful no matter how you slice it, of course.

That was the arrangement for a short period but it's changed again. Right now everything is up in the air. Hopefully soon things will be able to settle into a normal schedule. That would help everyone. I do have 50/50 custody but I'm dealing with some legal issues at the moment that's negatively affecting my time with my kids so there's no overnight stays and no weekends yet. Hopefully once my legal issues are taken care of I'll get normal visitation hours.

AUTiger7222 · Apr 20, 2024 at 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Daily FaceTiming with an infant and a three year old is not reasonable or realistic. They don’t have attention span for that and it’s intrusive and disruptive for the other household.

Thank you so much. You totally understand why facetiming isn't a great option with their ages.

AUTiger7222 · Apr 20, 2024 at 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TryToBeBetter

Hey Tiger I feel you I honestly do. I am fairly recently separated and while I have my kids every second week I miss them terribly when they are not with me. I am the main source of emotional support for them and it breaks my heart when my youngest is struggling and I can't be there for them. All I can say is focus on being the best dad you can be when you are with them. ALWAYS put them first and don't put down their mother in front of them. But yeah... it's really hard. Hang in there and talk to people on here.

I definitely don't say anything bad about their mother in front of them. I don't act poorly towards her in front of them. In fact, I've tried to send the right message by still getting my ex a birthday and christmas present despite her not doing anything for me. I don't know. Weird but I feel like it was the right thing to do.

CANDC · Apr 21, 2024 at 09:44 AM

@AUTiger7222 hope things settle in to a predictable pattern.

CANDC

TryToBeBetter · Apr 21, 2024 at 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AUTiger7222

I definitely don't say anything bad about their mother in front of them. I don't act poorly towards her in front of them. In fact, I've tried to send the right message by still getting my ex a birthday and christmas present despite her not doing anything for me. I don't know. Weird but I feel like it was the right thing to do.

Ha ha... yeah I do the same. It feels weird but especially because of the kids it would feel strange not to at this point. And yes it is partly for the same reason - I want the kids to see they don't have to worry about how things are between mum and dad.

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CANDC Super Moderator Community Support Team Community Liaison Chat Leader Member Since May 2014 Location: Northeast USA New England Posts: 17,425 (SuperPoster!) 9 2,312 hugs given	Apr 18, 2024 at 04:18 PM #2 @AUTiger7222 oh no that sounds very hard to handle. When do you get to see your kids? CANDC [If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message] __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time"
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CANDC Super Moderator Community Support Team Community Liaison Chat Leader Member Since May 2014 Location: Northeast USA New England Posts: 17,425 (SuperPoster!) 9 2,312 hugs given	Apr 21, 2024 at 09:44 AM #12 @AUTiger7222 hope things settle in to a predictable pattern. CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time"
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