[mixedup_emotions]

So my husband left on Friday, and I spent Friday night and Saturday crying....

Sunday, my husband came over to visit us for the day. At first it was awkward....He hugged me and I broke down in tears. We talked a lot, and then made love for the first time in over a month.

I don't understand how I can be repulsed by him for the longest time, and then BAM, I'm wanting to be with him. *sigh*

He stopped by this morning to take our daughter to the bus and all was fine.

I wasn't expecting to see him until tomorrow....but after work, he was here, just chillin out watching TV (unusual). Our daughter and I got something to eat, and she was just clinging to me BIG TIME. Moreso than ever. Each time I walked into the bedroom to chat with her dad, she was calling my name to come sit with her. Her dad and I weren't arguing or anything. It was very calm and nice, but for some reason, she was just distant with him and very close to me.

She and I have a very close relationship...and not so much with her dad, but she is usually very happy to see him. I'm not sure what's going on there. (She's almost 8 years old.)

He had done some things around the house prior to us getting home which was fine. Then, he gave us both a big hug and left...

I don't know what to think. Part of me feels like we're not giving a separation a real chance cuz he's here so much. Another part of me is happy that he's here. Yet, there's another part of me that feels awkward that he's even around.

At first, this seemed to have been about me just wanting him out of the house because his behavior is so erratic and unhealthy for us to be around....But then it turned into me basically giving him the time to figure out what's going to make him happy in life. Why am I not considering what I want in life? Maybe it's because I have no idea...

I feel like I can't even trust my feelings...I've spent years being miserable with him. Being annoyed by even just talking to him. Dealing with his anger, his controlling behavior, his sexual aggressiveness....and I now finally took the biggest step to be free of it all...and I'm taking steps backwards. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I have group therapy tomorrow, but it's not even an arena for me to talk about it. So, I'll have to wait til Thursday to talk to my T about it all.

[shezbut]

(((((mixedup)))))

It is a very confusing time - emotionally and intellectually. Your daughter is confused by the changes taking place as well. While she may love Daddy, kids typically cling to what they are a little more comfortable with in times like these. Unless they're putting on a phony baloney show, which is not the case right now.

Your reasoning to make love with your hub may have been purely physiological. Perhaps you're near ovulation or menses and have a natural desire. Just a guess, but you probably haven't been with another man in a long time either, which might contribute to your desire for your hub instead. If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing, 2 or 3 months after my hub and I separated.

Certainly worth a good discussion in therapy ~ hope that helps you Wishing you the best!
Shez

[mixedup_emotions]

Thank you.....

We did talk about it in group therapy, but since it's gestalt therapy, it's all about interpersonal relationships in the here and now with the people in the room....so not much was really accomplished in a true therapy sense.

Tonight was not so good....

My husband was with our daughter tonight and they did not get back til late. He feels he has free reign of the house, which I'm not too comfortable with - but wanted it to be ok for our daughter's sake. He wasn't feeling well, so he asked if he could rest for a bit.

He got into an argument with his parents over him staying here....and then he told me a couple things that got me quite upset about what his parents are saying.

He started feeling better, so I asked him to leave. He said he was going to stay the night. I told him that it was not a good idea and that he can't be flip-flopping from one house to the next. His big beef at the moment is that our house is 10 minutes from his work, and his parents house is 40 minutes away.

I explained to him that it is surely an inconvenience but that it is not my problem. He can't just decide to stay here just cuz he doesn't feel like driving there....He then started getting snippy with me about how this is his house too, and that he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to.

I told him that he officially moved out on Friday and that he needs to keep to that. He started going on and on about how I'm crazy, how people are putting things into my head, etc....I asked him to leave numerous times...and said that if he didn't leave voluntarily, I would call the police. When I went to get my cell phone, he yanked it out of my hands, wouldn't let me get to my phone and then blocked me from being able to get to our house phone. He then threw my cell phone across the room (it landed on the bed).

I ended up calling the police.....My husband got in his car and left. Officers arrived and I explained the situation. They said I could get a TRO, but I didn't want to pursue that right now. I hate that it has to get ugly. My husband then came back, and the police talked to him. He decided to stay at a motel for the night.

I feel like I made a mistake for calling the police because that will just make my husband angry and vindictive....but at the same time, I don't feel it's healthy for our daughter to see him coming and going as he sees fit...and still exposing her to the behavior issues that caused this bs in the first place.

[shezbut]

((((((mixedup))))))

No, that doesn't sound fun at all !!

Shez