[mizunderstood]

so i guess you can say im a recovering from having a eating disorder for the past almost 2 years. but i always have these horrible relapses an right now i feel as if im having a horrible relapse. my anxiety is getting worse. lately the past few days i dont care for getting up or going anywhere. i just want to stay home. mostly the past couple of days ive been starving myself and trying to have only one meal a day i was loosing weight the healthy way but i always find a way to go back to my ol ways. i guess its just because i dont have support here living with my dad he never speaks to me about it.hes only talked about it once i recall and all that was said was are you still making yourself sick. obviously he doesnt know that im not bullemic im anorexic. i dont throw up all the time i do that barely just as often as once a month but i starve myself daily. but when my mom used to live in the same state she would be there for me and she wanted to help me. lately ive been craving that starving/empty feeling more than i usually do. i havent binged or purged in the past weeks. but i dont plan on doing that. hopefully ill get better in a couple of days when i go to visit my mom. on the outside usually i look fine but now i really dont care anymore i may not look anorexic just a lil bit on the skinny side. but jus because im not skin and bones doesnt mean that i dont have a problem with myself.i cry myself to sleep everynight and people ask me what so bad about my life the truth is i grew up in a nice home but i did have to deal with my parents divorcing but i dont think thats the reason why i feel the way i do now. i just am how i am now out of self hatred. this diesease will proably end up eating me alive. one day theres hope the next day theres not. i dont know how to feel anything other than this empty feeling in my body lately the past few days i just feel so numb. i try not to look in the mirror because if i do i start thinking and criticizing myself and the self-hatred starts again.im noot sure if ill ever be recovered.

[*freak*]

Hi

Aside from your mom, whom you can't see everytime you wish, do you have someone whom you can turn to for help? Can you talk about this to someone like a counselor or a therapist? Sounds like you can't get the help you need from your dad, so I think you should get some support somewhere else.

Take care of yourself