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#1
Jul 19, 2009, 05:47 PM
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I ate my afternoon snack, but wish I hadn't! ED told me not to, & I listened to him at first. Then, suddenly, I ate.
 I wish I hadn't. I know I need to eat, but don't want to. Well, I'll just listen to him tomorrow & skip my afternoon snack. Of course, that's not good either. I'll hate myself either way, but I won't get in trouble if I eat, except ED will be mad.  My birthday is this coming Sunday & ED is telling me not to have a cake this year. Of course, I'm listening to him! I've actually forgotten what it's like to enjoy food without worrying about the calories, etc., & my weight. I wish I could enjoy food again, but at the same time, I feel like ED is my identity; I want to be different from everyone I know. I want to be so thin that my face is sunken in, my arms are skeletal, I feel dizzy, weak, tired, & cold easily. That's exactly how I looked & felt last year. However, I never believed people when they said that. I think, "I can get down to *blank* pounds & be okay, so let me drop to *blank*. I could keep going, but still have that horrible fear of gaining weight. I know it would damage my body, but I admit, sometimes I don't care.  Perhaps once I quit my job Aug. 7, I'll feel better. I feel like I have to be perfect there & believe that's what led to my eating disorder. I know I'd be a lot worse if I weren't still in therapy! I feel like I have to be perfect in school, too! I have to make 100s on everything! It drives me nuts.
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#2
Jul 19, 2009, 05:55 PM
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deleted
I apologize
__________________
• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn • I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy |
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#3
Jul 19, 2009, 05:58 PM
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^^ That's quite insensitive, to someone with an ED, it is not JUST a snack. This person obviously needs support, and you minimizing how distressed she is surely is not going to help.
*hugs hun* I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Please know I'm here for you. I wish you good thoughts and positive energy(despite me lacking in it) x |
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#4
Jul 20, 2009, 09:05 PM
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Thank you so much, pupp!
 I hope to do better. How are you? I hope you're doing well. Please take care. Thanks again!
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#5
Jul 20, 2009, 09:26 PM
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You're very welcome, dear. *cuddles* I am not doing good but I'm trying to make it.
 x
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#6
Jul 20, 2009, 10:22 PM
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Hang in there, pupp! You'll make it. We're here for you, dear!
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#7
Jul 20, 2009, 10:45 PM
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Thank you love, that's kind of you to say. I shall bare that in mind.
Off to sleep I go, have a nice sleep yourself and hope things keep getting better & better for you. x |
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#8
Jul 21, 2009, 09:36 PM
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Hi, Pupp! How are you today?
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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