I hate this part

So after finding out about my boyfriend's infidelity we've decided to split indefinitely pending if and when he can get his act together. As much as I hate to admit it, he was a big help for my recovery. He was reassuring and cooked for me and I never felt panic after eating when I was with him. Since all this has happened, though, I want nothing more than to get back to my pre-relationship body. I think it's pathetic, but if I am alone I am happier if I feel skinny, which for me means weighing at least 114 lbs which means my BMI is 16.8. At my lowest I had a BMI of 16.4 which just made me feel like crap all the time. Even though, I am happier this way. Right now i'd settle for even 118. My last boyfriend cheated on me too (i've had great luck with me haha) and when we broke up I weighed 128 and worked hard to get it all off....then I met the new guy and gained it all back! Right now i'm so upset about the whole thing that it's easy not to eat anyway. I've more or less been taking small bites of this or that here and there and and eating tranquilizers and chain smoking and drinking a lot of water and sometimes wine. It's so hard for me to maintain focus on recovery when I have a relationship fail. Does this make me co-dependent? I know these are inappropriate coping mechanisms. Please, someone give me some insight. I can't afford to see a therapist but really wish I could. I just want to sleep for days at this point.

Well I think that the only guys you are dateing are dogs who want there cake and eat it too.I think that you should work on being healthy instead of going back too him because being those kind of relationship causes nothing but deep depression and heart ach and we as women deserve nothing but the best we need a boyfriend to be a real man and not a looser who going to date every woman they see .And I wish for you to have a good life.

It's hard to have a relationship end for anyone. It's a loss and one has to grieve and come to terms with the loss. What helped me the most was starting something new and engaging. I happened to have just changed jobs when my relationship broke up and that and meeting new people and the challenges of having things to do daily helped me out. It took several months until I was back to "normal" but I didn't deteriorate and do as much damage to myself in the meantime.

So sorry to hear how things turned out Isabella – especially after how positive you were sounding in previous posts!

So here you are.

Yes, of course those are inappropriate coping mechanisms (and right after a relationship break-up of course you need to cut yourself some slack)…but how could YOU look after yourself in better ways from now on?

Rather than labelling yourself as co-dependent…what could you actually DO that would prove to yourself that you are claiming back the control and care for yourself that you had invested in someone else?

Matt C

I think if I got back to my old priorities: school, my friends, reading.... that I would feel more self-confident. Thanks for the thought-provoking questions matt

Isabella, kudos for leaving the chat today. That was a tangled messy net of untruths and truths. I hope you have a very great day, and your words were very well received!