[Thimble]

As absolutely, devastatingly horrible as it was (and it was the absolute worst experience), I miss being anorexic. I miss the feeling of control (power) and I miss seeing my body look that way in the mirror. I know it is wrong. But I can't get past it and feeling like a failure for not being able to maintain it. I feel like no one else out there can relate because they are either still trying to deal with this horrible illness, or celebrating the fact that they recovered. No one seems to be caught in between - with a non-anorexic body but an anorexic mind. I feel completely alone and like no one understands.

[Princess Butterfly]

I feel compleletly the same.Unfortunely having had a baby i went from anorexic thin to obese in just 9mths. I am now still overweight but my eating habits are bad.I miss being anorexic i miss seeing my ribs poke through my skin,i miss being able to wear childs clothes.I miss being anorexic.I hate that my arthritus consultant said i needed to lose weight.They dont realise how much that hurts.
I keep trying to tell myself the reality is that i wasnt happy when i was anorexic i was obsessed and close to death.It was the illness that controled me.Try saying this to yourself.
The only way your in control is by saying no I wont let anorexia take a hold of me again.I'm giving to live MY life not anorxias life.

I hope this helps you im still struggling alot.The dr says im bulimic non-vomitting type.I just want to be healthy and happy.You cant be healthy and happy with an eating disorder.

[Isabella12]

I miss anorexia too. I always want to be skinnier. although I do like eating now. a bit of a conundrum. maybe you should look for another outlet for your "cravings", like journaling or sharing your story with others in some way.

[Thimble]

It really weighs on me heavily...ouch...maybe that is a bad choice of words! Do you think a therapist that specializes in eating disorders would be of any help? I mean - I am not thin anymore, I am not (yet) too overweight - it seems inappropriate for "me" to see an ED therapist...like I don't belong there. And could they help any more than a regular therapist? I have one of those.... What can they really say except if you don't want to put on more weight, then exercise and eat less...I really don't see how talking can help when all it comes down to is forcing myself to do those two things....and yet, food and my body size really, really trouble me 24-7 and cause me great distress....I feel guilty even posting this after reading the thread about people disgusted with "pro-ana" sites....I don't want to be anorexic again...I just need to be "thin" enough that my head is happy...