[maryjain lockhart]

Hi. I'm MJ. I have always been thin/slender but since I have gotten older I have lost more&more weight and have begun eating less&less. I'm not a dumb girl by any means and I know what I SHOULD be eating each day&honestly, there aren't many days I can remember in the past few yrs that I've actually eaten a lot&some days I hardly eat anything. I get really nauseated if I don't eat4a while tho so I DO eat something each day. Its just not very much and I'm beginning to wonder if I have a problem. My moms overweight&I have a phobia of getting fat. If I feel like I'm getting2fat I stop eating so much. I try2not feel this way, but sometimes I look in the mirror&I think I need lipo in my butt, thighs&maybe a bit on my belly, cuz I see that extra jiggle around my muscles....but everyone I know thinks I'm perfect! They always say they wish they were as thin as me or that they had a body like mine, but I just see room4improvement. I used2b a dancer&I was actually "Miss Nude Petite Hardbody"@the club I was working at. I ate more back then but I danced 7to10hrs a day so it all was burned off. Now I don't dance but I have a yellow Lab so I get plenty of exercise walking&playing with her and I'm finding myself doing things like eating while walking hoping it'll burn it off quicker, or trying2go on longer walks even tho my fiance wants2go home, thinking it'll help me burn extra calories.
I have always had a cycle of binging and then not eating enough, I guess its like binging&Starving, rather than binge&purge. In high school I had an issue with not eating enough&it worried my dad so much that he'd stock up on whatever food I was obsessed with just so id eat. I get fixated on 1type of food, like ice cream, or mac&cheese&then eat mainly that. Right now its BLTs with cucumbers&pickles. Anyway, I'm wondering if there's a disorder associated with this or am I just weird?

[Lisa Michelle]

Ohh, you're not weird at all!

It does sound possible to me that you have an eating disorder, because you're intentionally starving yourself because of a fear of gaining weight.
How much does it interfere with your day? You need to be careful with these things because they have the ability to ruin your life, or even end it.
I'd recommend you go to a doctor.
Are you willing to eat healthily? Do you feel like you're ill and need to get better?
With me my eating disorder makes me obsessed and miserable. How do you feel emotionally?

Take care hun x

[maryjain lockhart]

Emotionally, ima mess! I'm bipolar&I have anxiety so that makes my days interesting. And then I seem2obsess over this whole food thing. Like I'll eat in the am&then I won't eat again till late nite and if I ate like a sandwich4breakfast then b4 bed I will only eat ice cream or a candy bar. Some days I just drink iced mochas&water&mybe eat a cookie. I know that I should eat more but the thought of getting fat makes it hard. My dr gave me a psych referral so I'm gonna see what pans out from that. Hopefully I can start taking better care of myself.
Thanks so much 4ur reply! It means alot2know someones listening!

[Lisa Michelle]

Aw I'm sorry things aren't too great emotionally! I can definitely relate (especially with the anxiety right now).
I hope your referral works out and you find someone who can work with you to improve things for you!
I just got a referral through today (I recently quit my ed therapy), had an assessment today and she seems really good, going to work on my anxiety so I feel like I'm finally going to begin to make steps.
Keep seeking help, it will pay off eventually x

[maryjain lockhart]

I'm happy to read that you're getting help for your anxiety. I have been seeking help for a while, but I feel like the drs think I'm just seeking drugs2get high not to help my anxiety. I'm hoping my psych referral is a good one&that I can finally start getting it under control. How long have you been dealing with your ED?

[W2BTN]

hey, im neew to this forum and am sort of similar to you Maryjain, i have bulimia but also have been advised to get a medical opinion on maybe being bi-polar II, i have been on meds for unipolar depression before but during the last 6 months or so i have had quite a few of what i think are manic episodes. i hope we can both support each other and good luck with your psych referral

[maryjain lockhart]

The manic episodes are what keeps ppl with BPD from wanting help, cuz its almost like a high, u feel gr8, like u don't need2sleep, extremely sociable, sometimes take unreasonable risks, talk more&talk faster, laugh more&everything is just wonderful but then outta nowhere it all comes crashing down&u feel so sad&just want2hide or die. Nothing sounds like fun anymore&u don't want2b around anybody. Its awful cuz I never know when it will happen&I can't control it.
I hope u get help cuz its oftentimes goes undiagnosed4a while&it creates problems with your daily life. I will "talk"2ya whenever I can, I try2check in here once or twice a day. Check out the bipolar forum, there are lots of ppl who feel the same as u&its comforting2have others2talk2.
Good luck!!

[cheesesquid]

hey, new poster too, more of a reader.
i am bipolar too, anxiety and have not been officially diagnosed with an ED but i do restrict/starve myself. right now i am in an odd place no GP or psych, lets just say when i told my last one my concerns and about this his reply was 'you don't need to do that'. trying to find new doctors, not sure if i ready to admit that this is out of control when i feel so..in control though.
anyways just wanted to wish you good luck your referral!