[hopefully21]

I am flip flopping between restricting my calorie intake/the binge n purge and also exercising. If i am not doing one thing its always the other but its mostly binge/purge n exercising. This is my question though i know anorexia and bulimia are obviously not good but exercising really is that such a horrible thing. And i have talked to my t about this like i will eat very little on my restriction days or nothing at all depending. Like my whole thing ppl cant expect me to just eat and not throw up i try i really do or if i do eat i eat very little like why is it my accomplishments seem so much more in my eyes than others like compared to before i was not eating nothing and even throwing up the very little things i did manage to eat. How can i let my friends n loved ones know that i am trying like theyre not me they have no idea the daily struggles i deal with i wish ppl would just back off. Sorry for not recovering fast enough for you guys everything takes time i am not getting worse but at a stand still in recovery this is all i can do for right now. I restricted my purging down cant they be happy with that yet they are mad because i only eat so little i cant take the stress of everyone pressuring to get well damnit i am trying sooner or later i will just lie lie so they can stop harassing me about this this and cutting. I am being honest or at least trying to at least Gosh when does it end and actually i dnt have to tell them anything but i do because they "care" i wish nobody cared and let me do it by myself after all it is up to me! (sighs) just needed to rant and has anyone felt how i have if so how did you deal because i am going nuts ppl dnt realize this makes me more stressed than actually helping what to do?

[PTSDlovemycats]

((((HUGS!))))

[hopefully21]

Thx Ptsd

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by hopefully21

Thx Ptsd

Your Welome Hopeful

[2009Dutch]

Hello Hopefully
Recovery often means babysteps. And that's exactly what you are doing, I think. Listen to your heart, and to the people here who know what you are going through!
Wish you all the best in YOUR recovery.

[PTSDlovemycats]

[hopefully21]

thx cats for the hug I needed that

[PTSDlovemycats]

Your Welcome as always, here have another one!

[hrdcoreathlete]

Hopefully,

I can relate to this more than you know. I can express you the my deepest concerns. Exercising, what a broad topic when you really look at it. For the last four years I was a collegiate athlete and let me tell you it was not until I got caught that I realized exercising was extremely detrimental to my well being. I have always been an athletic person, I grew up playing competitive athletics, and pretty much that is all I can remember doing. Do not get me wrong I loved every aspect of it and is still a very large part of my life, and probably always will be. Let me explain this to you in hopes that it will give you clarification as to what is really going on. My freshman year of college I was exercising more than I should have been with very little if not any nutrients going into my body. My sophomore year of college I got caught. I was pulled aside by a coach was was shown full front just what my lack of eating was doing to my body. I was lucky I guess you could say in the fact that my coach specialized in nutrition because at that point she saved my life. The reality of it is is that when we exercise without putting anything in or limiting what we put in our body is literally being destroyed to every degree. It was at this point that I suffered one of the most horrendous injuries I had ever experienced...and from the outside it appeared to have nothing to do with the lack of eating.
Just like you I was thrown remarks by close family friends, coaches and other teammates as to why I just did not eat. They however did not understand what it was like to be in my position at the time I was battling something that most would never dare to face, and they just did not understand.
I want to say this, if you do not hear one thing I say here, hear this. I finally had to realize after working through it with a therapist that it had to be for me. It had to be for my wellbeing not anybody else's. It had to not matter what people said or what they were thinking. I truly believe that when we begin to realize we are doing it for ourselves, it is then that we can truly move forward. Again, like you I was victim to sexual abuse as a child and used every means to cope with it as a young adult and now as an adult, everything from eating to cutting. I can say I know that it is not the logical way to deal with things and will never be the right way to deal with things, but it was my way of doing it. If you look at it this way and I have to say it is good that you have sought professional help. But if you look at it in the fact that not one person is going to get better in treatment unless they are willing, it is the same thing with daily life. Not one person can force you to eat while you exercise, you have to be willing to do it for yourself.
I learned in my psychology degree that it is important to know that people care for you, and that they will support you when you think they wont, it is important to realize that your ED is not only affecting you but others around you. I call that truth yes, but I also call B.S because not one person despite similar experiences can tell you what it is like to walk in your shoes daily...at the end of the day you must chose to do it for yourself and not any one person.
Hope it helps.

[hopefully21]

That was very helpful and made perfect sense i appreciate your words