[lemonchan]

Hello, everyone. I honestly don't make a point to post here because I naturally feel like I'm "whining" and getting in the way. The only reason I'm adding a story here is because I haven't be able to speak with my girlfriend for nearly over a week. And I really need someone to talk to...

Okay, so I have lame anorexia. You know how it goes: literally afraid of food, get panics in grocery stores, guilty to even THINK or putting food to my mouth afraid of gaining that one pound etc.

I have known for a long while that my parents think I'm playing some big game, or just being stubborn. They think it's no big deal at all and I can just easily pick up a freaking fork and shove food up my mouth. I've had this illness for 4 years and even so, they still think it's all some big act to get attention or to get out of doing work around the house and whatnot.

I blame that guy. That so called "step father" of mine. I NEVER took kindly to him. Ever since day one I wanted nothing to do with him. I have tried so hard to respect and learn to like him, but to no avail. All I do is act polite and respectful to him. I'm not a rude person by nature. I don't talk back to him. And to be honest, that's the problem. Because I don't defend myself. I just let him accuse me of whatever he wants, hence why he can get away with saying "Oh, you're just acting! You're just trying to get out of doing work around the house! You're lazy! A waste of space!" And so on.

This is usually how it goes. And I just shut up and accept what he says because my words mean nothing. I'm nobody.

I want to get away from him. I'm 21, but not stable enough to manage on my own if I moved out, and there are other factors for not wanting to leave as well. And that is the fact that if I leave, my mother will suffer in more ways than one. That's all I'll say on that point.

Anyway, so I got sent to the emergency room this past Sunday for dehydration. It was more severe than it usually is with me this time around. They put me on meds and stuff, I was really weak. Then the following morning, the "step father" comes to my room and says "So, you gonna take care of dat bathroom for me???"

Note, at this point, I can hardly STAND and WALK to the freaking bathroom, how do you expect me to clean it!???

Oh, but I just responded with my normal polite and obedient manner. "If I can."

Just SO SICK OF HIM!!!!

It's not like I sway on my duties. Trust me, I KNOW my place. I DO what I'm told. That's how I've been trained. I have no real say in anything at all. It's just the "they say, and I do" type of relationship.

And I LOVED the line step dad gave me when him and my mom were taking me to the hospital "You better start eatin' cuz I ain't gonna keep takin' you to da hospital." Just awesome. -___- And I was in so much pain at that time to the point I didn't want to be awake and he goes and says that to me.

He was being a complete *** the whole time anyway. Saying things like "It better not be because of your lonely lifestyle that you're feeling like this."

No matter WHAT the situation is, he ALWAYS throws in little hints to call me a lazy good for nothing that just sits in my room and does nothing all day.

Yeah...okay, sure. I'm a lazy good for nothing. Okay.

Well, I can tell you for sure, if THAT was the case, this house would be burned to the ground right about now.

Now, I'm RUSHING my recovery from this just so that I can get that guy off my back. Because all he see's is me laying like a lazy piece of scum in the bed all day being useless. But he randomly came to my room today telling me I need to get some things together to take out with the bulk and "You can't be layin' in da bed all day." The same 'ol same 'ol. I'm just SO SICK OF HIM!!!!!!!

It continues, but I've whined on enough. Writing this actually made me feel a bit better though. =)

Thank you to whoever actually reads this crybaby tale.

[crossfire]

I am sorry for all that is going on, Remember that you are somebody . You have to believe that in your heart, even with anorexia , you are somebody ...your recovery and fight needs to be for you , do it for you,cause you are worth it.many blessings, sending you hugs....

[Christina86]

To me, your stepdad sounds kinda abusive. My own stepdad has made me feel like **** for numerous reasons, including my health/weight.

You're 21, so you could get therapy without parental consent. Consider it to get some sort of professional help? Keep going to the doctors and trying to help yourself out. I'm sorry you don't feel like you can move out right now. I hope that changes eventually (sooner rather than later). People unfortunately don't really understand eating disorders for whatever reason and that it isn't a complete CHOICE as to whether or not you eat, it's an addiction and it eventually controls you to some extent.

You should NOT be considering staying in this situation just to help your mother. She's an adult, and she can make her own decisions - for better or for worse. If you got out of the house, you're actually at a better place emotionally (etc) to be able to help her more and maybe convince her to do something proactive to help herself. We learn by modelling, if someone else does something good for themselves, maybe your mother will learn by your example.

take care!