I just want to disappear

I'm so angry and so frustrated I just want to evaporate and disapppear into nothing! I can't lose this weight fast enough. It's the only way I'll feel safe from assult. And the only way I'll be accepted and proved to myself I'm strong. Only the pure deserve food and I'm impure!

Hello Brokenwing
What do you mean when you say "pure" and "impure" ?
And as much of a hypocrite as I may be, It's not good to lose weight fast, if you are overweight, then the best way is too eat healthy and exercise but not excessively.
And it will take time, I know we as humans want things fast fast fast. And as annoying as this is, I have to ask if you have anyone irl that you talk to about you food issues, or any issues for that matter.

Hang in there sweetie thinking of you..

i completely understand about wanting to dissapear...but i dont understand the pure and unpure?

In regard to the pure and impure, I don't perceive myself as good enough and for me in need to cleanse my body so by not eating I'm purifying myself. I feel dirty and unworthy therefore impure. In addition to that I just experienced an incredible trauma that makes me feel even dirtier and more undeserving so the only way for me to serve my penance is to cleanse my body by not eating and changing my image.

I can understand the pure and impure! I too was attacked and assaulted I I know how dirty I felt after that event! I didn't feel clean or deserving. I can see where u get the pure part of that meaning and impure from such a traumatic event. I have often felt the same wat that I can't get clean enough from the event and don't feel like I deserve to be around people or anything good is going to happen to me going forward because of that event. I was treated poorly by people and police like I asked for it! I felt like the only way to cleanse myself was to fast and deprive myself of anything good. But I realized eventually I didn't ask for it. I still felt dirty and as you said un pure but realized it was the people who did that to me that were the ones making me feel that and there is a difference between unclean and unpure! I still may not feel deserving but I'll get to it eventually .

Cats, when under tremendous stress, do not eat the food - even treats - that is offered to them. Maybe what is happening to you is similar.

Do you feel nauseated at the though of putting in food in your mouth, of your body accepting food? Can you drink liquid food, e.g. milk?