[Gr3tta]

I feel like I've had a host of new influences coming at me since I started my new job about one month ago. My job is within a medical setting.

One, starting a new job has always equaled weight loss. Either consequentially, by changing my activity and eating routines, or on purpose because I panic in the face of trying to be accepted somewhere new.
Two, there's a number that once I get on the other side of it, I really can't resist trying to get down to the next check point. Two and a half, I don't own a scale for this reason, but there's one at my work, in a place that's easy to step on privately.
Three, many, but one patient in particular, is there largely for health deficits that stem from her weight. Every time I enter her room, Food Network is on her TV, she's eating something, and food is her only topic of conversation. Our sizes are vastly different, but I feel like our attitudes towards food are the same. Her appetite doesn't seem to have an off switch, and I've never felt that mine does either. I am never, ever, not hungry. I believe she feels the exact same way. The difference is just in what we allow ourselves as a result.
Four, one of my new co-workers made a comment that shocked me. I admire this person greatly. She is very confident, self-assured, kind, professional, knowledgeable, and I think she's very pretty. She mentioned to me that she needs to lose an exact amount of weight. I asked her why. She stated that she was trying to meet some health standards (BMI, blood sugar, smoking cessation, blood pressure, etc.) set forth by the company we work for. If you meet them all, you get a little knocked off the price of your health insurance. According to a standard BMI chart, she is overweight. I was shocked, first of all, that anyone would consider her overweight. If anything, I am over critical of others' weight, and I would never have seen her this way. I think she is an ideal size. But what REALLY threw me for a loop, was that she stated it so casually. She has been told that she is "officially" fat, and she didn't care! She still felt fine! Happy, even! I don't understand how she can do that. I really wish I could do that. If my happiness were ever disconnected from my size...I can't even imagine what that would be like. I'm too terrified it ends up like the patient I mentioned. I can't conceive of it ending up like my co-worker.

Four is a definite positive influence, but one through three are all negative. I can't shut up the inside of my head. Could everyone just send her a mental "shut the heck up!" ...only feel free to not say "heck."