[Jenn1fer82]

My bulimia have been my companion when all else has failed to support me. When I can no longer bare the pressure and fear in life, my thoughts begin to wonder back to bulimia. I don't know why exactly yet why I look forward to binge eating enough to eat for 2-3 people. Soon after the guilt and shame lingers and I challenge myself of how much and how fast I can purge. As my energy is faded and the light headedness is there to stay, it helps soothes me to sleep. I can fall a sleep with nothing on my mind. I can finally sleep with no fear, pressure and shame on my mind.
Bulimia is turned into my companion throughout my life. Thoughts of well its just once, oh the second time can't bee to bad. Its not like when I lived in the bathroom or hid in the closet. The mind being lied to of an eating disorder that will always linger in the back of my mind.

As a side note: I'm sorry if I broke any rules of this forum.

[MrsBee]

I understand every word that comes out of your fingers, and once I found myself in that same exact boat. I would self medicate and dull my life by binging all day everyday. It was the highlight of my life, sitting and planning what my next episode would be. I would start planning about an hour after I would get off of work and then spend the rest of the night sabotaging my own hopes and dreams.

But like any other addiction, its almost impossible to break unless YOU truly want to become better.

For me, it was my coping mechanism. My life was awful, my living conditions were bad and my relationship was even worse. Instead of changing the external factors in my life to give me something to live for, I just changed the internal factors. The ones that I felt in control of.

After some time, I decided, just by changing a few little things in life, then a few HUGE things, the need and urge to self medicate became less and less.

There are still some "triggers" and by no means am I free and clear, but I know now, when I do have an error or slip up, its not because I really want to have that condition.

I divorced my Bulimia a couple of years back, it still enters my life once in a while, but no longer do I feel like I have to lay in bed with it and Love it like I used to.

There are far better things to love besides an Eating Disorder

[Victoria'smom]

My Eating Disorder is old enough to drink and I'm not quite 30 yet. I'm even known for using endearing names and no longer hiding it, why hide it when everyone knows anyway? I have consistently chosen my eating disorder over all else. It's that bad best friend. Slowly I'm realizing my ED has to die, I have to morn and move on. So that I can use my energy on getting healthy.