[precious things]

Most of us are probably anticipating this holiday soon ( with many different emotions).

So, what is your fear/thoughts about this day?

AND

How do you plan to cope/manage the day?

[precious things]

For me, I am scared to sit down at a table and eat with a group of people. In fact, I have only sat down at a table for a meal exactly 4 times this past year. I always eat standing up, alone, pacing ( weird, I know). Of course, the rich foods I will have to eat and trying to resist the urge to purge with a house full of people are the thoughts that are stressing me out.

How will I cope? At this point, I am going over the menu (I'm cooking, of course) over and over in my head to try and determine a safe amount that appears reasonable to others, without creating a panic in myself.

[eskielover]

Thanksgiving has so many difficult memories for me......as it was the last dinner I had together with my mother & my daughter when my mother was dying of cancer.....& I realized sitting across the table from my mother just how sick she really was........

The stress that had been building was also building on my sick feeling & not being able to eat because of it. I moved completely away from there....but remember that I had flashbacks of that dinner at one thanksgiving dinner I was trying to enjoy with friends.....really freaked me out. Living alone.....I don't do thanksgiving dinner for myself....so unless I'm invited to someone's house for thanksgiving....me & my 5 dogs just do the normal eating routines....nothing special...excpet maybe I will bake a pumpkin pie for myself.....but have been doing less & less when it comes to cooking lately. Eating what I can snack on & expecially the yummy greek yogurt with mango in it......have been living on that lately.....at least I get my protein & good nutrition without having to eat a lot of food to get the nutrition.

I am sure it's a lot harder to have thanksgiving when you have family & everything around....but then I'm sure there are millions of more triggers to past bad things in your life that go far beyond the anorexia issues.

[precious things]

I love the idea of you making a pie for yourself! It is important to try and make new,special memories for yourself.

[JayneDough!]

I have found that it is a lot easier to just spend the holidays alone. Go skiiing or take a trip; do something fun that keeps you away from food, but more importantly will keep you away from family.

[serenity24]

Im scared to death.....i dont know how im going to cope...dinner is at my moms and i wont have ANY control over how she prepares it and eveyone will be watching my consumption.....plus its not like i can whip out my measuring cups at the dinner table to control portions since when i eat, it has to be a perfectly measured amount (OCD) issue.

[buttrfli42481]

What I want to do and what I have to do are two totally different things. What I want to do is hide and not have to eat all the food, what I have to do is eat with my family everytime they come over. We have an open house for the day starting around 2pm. Family comes over whenever they can. I am expected to eat with each family. Right now I am doing good to get in one meal a day, with a few snacks.

My plan is to eat once and then leave with a friend if everything works out ok. I won't have my daughter to look after since she will be with her father this year. I don't know what will happen if this doesn't work.

[AngelWolf3]

I am freaking out. I have so much trouble around lots of food. I used to be able to control myself, but I say "oh just a little of this and a little of that" and soon I end up eating way too much and then I am P.O.'d at myself the rest of the day. (admitting that grosses me out about myself because I used to be able to ignore all the food.)

I am counting on/hoping for no one to be paying attention to my food intake since this will be the first time the family has gotten together since my grandfather's passing...so maybe I can actually avoid the food this year.

Regardless, I would rather go hide somewhere all day, preferably under the covers.

[JayneDough!]

Originally Posted by serenity24

Im scared to death.....i dont know how im going to cope...dinner is at my moms and i wont have ANY control over how she prepares it and eveyone will be watching my consumption.....plus its not like i can whip out my measuring cups at the dinner table to control portions since when i eat, it has to be a perfectly measured amount (OCD) issue.

I think it would be haliarious to whip out the measuring cups. (I either weigh or measure all my food too.) Then you could look at your family and say, "This is how much a normal person is supposed to eat. The reason 60% of American are over weight is because they eat more than this!"

[AngelWolf3]

Originally Posted by JayneDough!

I think it would be haliarious to whip out the measuring cups. (I either weigh or measure all my food too.) Then you could look at your family and say, "This is how much a normal person is supposed to eat. The reason 60% of American are over weight is because they eat more than this!"

I agree!!! very awesome response!

[onlytime]

I'm TERRIFIED for Thanksgiving! Even without the food aspect, the socializing/family part is super stressful for me! My family always makes comments on how I look, what I'm eating, etc. I've lost some weight since the last time I've seen them so I'm dreading the comments. And I have a cousin who's about my age, and I always compare what I'm eating to what she's eating and it's absolutely miserable. I'm going to try my best not to do that, but it's SO hard.

Things I'm going to do
-I'm looking for motivational/inspirational quotes right now. I'm hoping to carry around an index card with a list of them
-I'm going to be texting some friends who understand what I'm going through for support

I know I'm going to need more than that to survive the day, but I'm out of ideas

Great post though!

[unaluna]

like deer at a salt lick. my family uses SO MUCH SALT in preparing food. i'm okay when I start, but then my body senses all that salt and my appetite becomes insatiable, just like deer standing at a salt lick. so that's another reason I just don't go anymore. I can't afford to be sick for days afterward, trying to recuperate from their poisonous cooking methods. You do not have to take into your body, what other people say you do. That's what this is all about, isn't it? You do have say, over this and EVERYTHING. Period.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by onlytime

I'm TERRIFIED for Thanksgiving! Even without the food aspect, the socializing/family part is super stressful for me! My family always makes comments on how I look, what I'm eating, etc. I've lost some weight since the last time I've seen them so I'm dreading the comments. And I have a cousin who's about my age, and I always compare what I'm eating to what she's eating and it's absolutely miserable. I'm going to try my best not to do that, but it's SO hard.

Things I'm going to do
-I'm looking for motivational/inspirational quotes right now. I'm hoping to carry around an index card with a list of them
-I'm going to be texting some friends who understand what I'm going through for support

I know I'm going to need more than that to survive the day, but I'm out of ideas

Great post though!

The social aspect is what gets to me too- I always avoid people when I am losing because I absolutely dread the comments. The people who I will spend the day with I have avoided for quite some time because I lost so much weight. I've now gained quite a bit back to where, of course, I am miserable. But, these people will think I have lost compared to where I was the last time they saw me. I always wear lots of layers and big cozy sweaters no matter where I am at weight wise- that way people never have a real sense of what my physique is ( I know, it's awful the way this disease makes you manipulate the world around you).

I think you have some great ideas for coping! I will probably be checking this thread for support, if you need a place to come vent

[notavictim89]

Thanksgiving is a really tough day for me and has always been. Heck not just Thanksgiving but the whole freaking holiday season because all anyone wants to do is eat. But I can say with confidence that I think this season is going to be different for me. Last year, I spent the whole day miserable, away from people, isolating, in a bathroom, engaging in ED behaviors or other things but now its been 6 months since I've engaged in any ED behaviors and although I still struggle a whole lot, and I still think it will be extremely hard and I will continue to hate myself, I feel like maybe just the whole point of Thanksgiving is to be thankful for what we do have and whats right in our lives (whatever small and however hard that may be) instead of focusing on whats wrong... hope that helps at all. However, I do wholeheartedly agree about the measuring cups!

[JayneDough!]

As I've read the comments there seems to be two big issues here:

1) Food, duh!

2) Family

When it comes to the holiday season which is it that bothers you most, the food or your family? Personal, it's my family that drives me batty. I think I could tackle any food issues if I didn't have to also deal with my relatives.

[buttrfli42481]

For me it is both. My ED thoughts are pretty strong right now and so I am not looking forward to any of the food. My family tends to get loud and that really gets to me. I can't stand being in chaotic situations and that is how my family get togethers are. So I just want to run away for Thanksgiving this year.

[precious things]

I have always thought that anorexia and bulimia were just a way to build one giant wall between myself and the world. I'm not engaging in the real world when I've got this whole secret inner world going on. Maybe that is how many of you feel too. Holidays seem to bring all of that to a head- you have to somehow bridge the gap between your mind and real-life. Thats where the anxiety comes from. Not sure if that makes sense, but hopefully you all get my point.

[Jenn1fer82]

My family already know I diet all the time, so it won't look alarming when I bring my measuring spoon to stay in control.

Next I wear a extra tight body shaper to keep my mindful of how much I am eatting before I fall into the trap of bingeing.

I am in love with my dogs so I stay with them to comfort me when I feel uncomfortable with my my surroundings and stress of life.

I bring my diary to write as much as I can.

[precious things]

Starting to panic about tomorrow....ugh. I am a closet smoker (please don't judge me) and I know I won't be able to smoke so many hours before company comes over and while they are here. Of course, I will be stressed about the food stuff and I know I will really want to smoke to cut the tension and won't be able to.

I don't have any desire to cook- usually I am way into cooking for people ( the whole living vicariously through others eating thing) but I just want to hide in my room, smoke cigarettes and watch movies all day. But I can't...ugh. Trying to find something redeeming about the holiday but right now I just hate the idea. I freaking love the foods at thanksgiving and am afraid Ill lose all control and stuff myself either at dinner or throughout the weekend with leftovers. Blah.....

[Madison Park]

Originally Posted by precious things

Most of us are probably anticipating this holiday soon ( with many different emotions).

So, what is your fear/thoughts about this day?

AND

How do you plan to cope/manage the day?

I hate this day of eating and just hanging around. I hate the smell of turkey and find the meal to be gross. As we do not have extended family, the day just feels lonely to me and much too quiet. I'm not exactly sure how I will cope this year. I would rather skip the whole thing, but my family wants the turkey meal.

[eskielover]

I was invited to my friends house for Thanksgiving dinner. This is a good thing.....she has a couple of friends coming in from out of town & invited a couple of other people who don't have family here, or like me, don't have family.

The hardest part of this Thanksgiving has turned out that my eldest eskie Destiny, the mommy of all my puppies (kept one from each of her litters which she had every 2 years), I know will not be with me much longer. She was having problems getting around with a sore on her back leg (vet said it wasn't cancer). I just got more antibiotics last Friday. I have been treating her heart condition for over a year now & it was doing ok....but now it sounds like fluid is building up around her heart again. I increased the med that is her diuretic, but if her heart isn't pumping right, that's what makes the fluid build up. She's not in pain & she's eating good with my spoon feeding her because she doesn't have any teeth. She just has a difficult time getting up & calls for me when she needs to move if she feels stuck.

It's just like that last thanksgiving with my Mother, I know that Destiny will not be with me much longer......her birthday is Dec 17 & she will be 17 if she makes it that long. She is such a special eskie & even though I have 5, each one is my special child.

I'm not wanting to be away from her long any more.....going to my friend's for Thanksgiving day will be difficult........to be away from Destiny for that long.

As for eating, I have learned to take just the first helping & just enough to eat so that I am comfortable when I'm finished. Used to eat so much on Thanksgiving day ONLY that I would feel sick.....but finally by 59, I have learned & no longer do that. I have learned to listen to my stomach which tells me immediately when it's had enough.....it can go from being ok one bite to having had too much the next & I quit eating immediately. My last experience of being hospitalized with anorexia is when that ability started happening.

Just hoping that with all my stress with Destiny, I don't get flashbacks from that last dinner I had with my mother......that happened one other thanksgiving dinner I had with the same friend. The PTSD that I have from the past does tend to effect my eating on Thanksgiving over & above the fact that I always have tried to limit my eating so that I wouldn't gain any weight over the holidays & yet still be able to enjoy the flavors that I like to eat...more more than others.....like I can live without mashed potatoes....but love sweet potatoes & pumpkin pie....but a little bit is so satisfying & a lot leaves me with that sick feeling.

[noname1000]

I am lonely and scared and I hate how the holidays just make the loneliness a hundred times bigger, and I hate how everything revolves around food. I just want to hide under the covers until it's over, but that isn't really an option :-( So I'm going to go be with my family, and try to keep thinking about things I am grateful for, and eat really slow so I don't feel sick and yucky. And no seconds. Just one normal, healthful sized portion of food and that's it. I am dreading it. I wish I could enjoy the holidays.