[vanessa22]

I had a rough year... I was diagnosed with Bulimia 2 years ago..was doing well.. totally quit binging.. and mostly quit purging (I never vomited). Stuff happened..I went through a rough patch..issues at home, personal life and work.. I became depressed. It was mostly my stepdad..i had 2 bullies, my ED and my stepdad. He greatly influenced my ED, gave it power. I made my way over to the anorexic side, even my doctor said. I moved out but my ed got worse as stress in my life (job) got worse. I couldn't handle my high stressfull job, I was totally out of shape due to my ed, I was really sad. Something happened too, something my grandma told me-that really caused turmoil . My body and self felt so deprived I began binging this year. I was up and down, and I was still depressed. my eating disorder is now turning to binging.. gained weight..super depressed. binging now became a habit again..and was doing it for any reason, and continuing on because I was depressed about it.

I already acknowledged I wana give up the ED completely..So when I binged, its like.. I don't know what it is.. I don't know if its just binging or is it ED? but, I labeled it all the same for simplicity terms. the depression and the ed are one in the same.

I was, before I got REAL bad- in CBT group therapy. I wasn't progressing that well, I had a job..so I could not work on the homework and such . I was more concentrated on the high pressures of making it into my job so I can KEEP my job so I can pay my bills. (server at a casino. probation was- you gotta be at a 6 month level in 30 days) They kicked me out of therapy basically. She (my therapist) says I have other issues I need to address before going back in.. She said im doing worse. Ok.. so when your patients are doing worse..you just kick them to the kurb? This is my life here. Yes, I was at a very low weight, and not completing my homework, but I was battling a verrryyy rough time, and you know what, for what I was going through- I was strong! and getting better! Its like, nobody knows what the F ive been through..what I was really going through..what I was really battling. Nobody knows the **** My ED has put me threw, while I was out there battling the challenges of my job..while out of shape and undernourished. Anxiety at a high as well. I was just starting to eat more..better..starting to..believe in myself! See faith and hope... Even my dietician said..once a lot of people eat more its common for them to LOOSE weight, cus your metabolism speeds up. So, I was loosing weight, and not completing homework .

I need that therapy now. I cant go to a treatment center, I found it very helpful when I was in it. It is the only light I can see..hope. They are telling me, the physiatrist there is saying I need to be on medication- to address my depression before going back into group. Im not allowed in group unless I take meds!
I was prescribed, Prozac. (for depression/ocd/bulimia) I told them straight up, I think its bull. its all part of one..the depression and ed.. cbt helps with all. I even said..maybe you guys shouldn't just blame the patient all the time..and ask yourself, are you doing the best job as a therapist? (cause honestly I think she wasn't) I wanna recover, but I don't wana take meds. Im scared of them. and, also I cant afford them anyways!!!

Is it possible to recover from an ed, and depression, without meds?
Does anyone think or know its possible?
is meds a garneted fix all reaaaly?

[Moodswing]

I do not use meds. Should I? I am sure the therapists think so. It would make there job easier. This life, body and mind need to figure it out without meds.