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Old Aug 14, 2013, 12:59 PM
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MoxieDoxie MoxieDoxie is offline
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Here I go again. Every time my husband goes away on a business trip something hijacks me and I can not stop the binge/purge behavior. I drop him off at the airport Saturday and he returns on Thursday. I am going to spend my weekend trying every distraction there is only to wind up doing it anyway. Grocery shopping will make it worse, cooking food will trigger it, just eating ANYTHING will start the binging. I will of course exercise for 2 hrs a day and be to sore to barely move but that still does not stop it. I gave up contacting T during this time.....well because bilateral tapping of my knees does not work, hugging myself and tapping my back does not work, asking that part, that wants to shove as much food down my throat and throw it up, what it is trying to accomplish does not work. I also do not want to spend my weekend drugged on Xanax either.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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  #2  
Old Aug 14, 2013, 01:21 PM
precious things precious things is offline
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What if you just accept that you are going to b/p so try and control that part? Get all the food you think you want and lay it out in front of you. Sometimes, if I am really premeditated about it, it can kind of lose its luster. Instead of getting into that zone where you can eat whatever, it doesn't look half as ....punishing, comforting,etc when you aren't in that moment- does that make sense?
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  #3  
Old Aug 14, 2013, 01:30 PM
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MoxieDoxie MoxieDoxie is offline
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I always try to keep it in control by buying certain foods that will not spike my blood sugar(so no cookies, cakes, anything with frosting or what is considered taboo food), foods that can be dunked in water to soften up so it will be easier to come up to lessen the chances of tearing something or causes a serious bleed, mainly dry crackers. So if I do that I won't,in a state of obsession or emotional flashback, eat anything and everything in the pantry. It satisfies whatever need the bing/purge behavior is asking(still have no idea. Therapy has not uncovered that).
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 09:44 PM
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spondiferous spondiferous is offline
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I hope you are able to stay safe. I ****ing hate EDs and what they do to people. You can message me if you want to, need to, whatever. I'm having a nervous breakdown so I'll be on PC a lot.
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  #5  
Old Aug 16, 2013, 05:50 AM
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MoxieDoxie MoxieDoxie is offline
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I am going to try my damnedest not to give in. My T says it is because I have nothing to do well besides chores. Down time seems to be the hardest for people with ED's and cPTSD. if not engaged in something we are left with our thoughts and emotions to creep in. People who are always busy with work and projects relish down time to just relax.

He says because I feel unaccomplished in my life(no major college degree or career) I feel desperate and worthless. Without my husbands company I am left with just me and all the negative feelings I have for myself. He feels I should go take a night class. I have been back to college 4 times. He feels mentally I might be in a better place and not to overwhelm myself just take one class. Then I would have homework to do or required reading on the weekends and it would keep me busy.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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  #6  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 03:11 PM
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lbdrox lbdrox is offline
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I agree with your T. Keeping busy is the best way to go. I starve myself when I'm feeling lonely, and also to shut out all my thoughts and feelings. I enjoy feeling nothing. It took me a year to discover this though...
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  #7  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 10:15 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
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College can be mentally exhausting even if the actual work is easy. I would suggest always going 6 credits so that your eligible for aid and scholarships. How'd it go ?
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