[winterglen]

I was on another forum and someone bragged about how she went x days without eating.

I don't want to feel angry about it. I want to be sympathetic. It's so hard to be sympathetic because she's obviously got better self-control than I do.

I know it's not her fault that I'm such a failure.

I wish I could escape from the constant reminders that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough, and that I don't deserve kindness, love, or success as much as girls like her do.

[spondiferous]

I can see you're new, winter, so welcome.
I'm sorry you had that experience. It's challenging to go through triggers like that for sure. Does it help you at all to remind yourself that going any amount of days without eating is not good for your body? Does that bring you back to sympathy? Or do you just feel challenged by the whole thing?

[doggiedo]

U say you don't feel "Good enough" but what will ever be good enough!? I've web there hun. U get to such a low weight and its sill NEVER good enough. Be honest with yourself

[Grey Matter]

That isn't self control she has. That is an illness. And I can tell you as someone who has gone "x days" without eating. It was horrible and ruined a lot of my health. I am completely vitamin deficient now (for example, my vitamin D levels were at a 3 a week ago. I am on 100,000 units of vitamin D a week). My kidneys grew weaker and I lost all energy. None of it was do to self control. It was due to an illness controlling ME. One that still controls me.

I hope you can understand. I get being jealous, but please don't put your body through it. It's not even worth it. I've done it for years and it's given me nothing but pain.

[sunsetsunrise]

Hi Winterglen, starving like that comes at a huge price. I lost my health doing it. And thats not an exaggeration. As teen idle said, its an illness. And the more it takes control, the more it lures people into thinking they are in control. I call it the great deceiver. All I want is my health back. But this illness stole that from me.

My starving has come at a huge price. All because I long for the perfect weight. Which is never small enough really. My health is gone. I dont want to see that happen to you or anyone else.

After saying all of that, i want to say welcome to pc. I am very glad you are here. keep posting. Lots of kind and caring support here

[eskielover]

It's so hard to be sympathetic because she's obviously got better self-control than I do.

It takes a lot more self-control to eat a 3 nutritious meals a day & to make sure you are eating well than the amount of control to not eat......that's easy......controlling my life & making sure I eat at the proper times takes so much more effort & control then just blowing off eating.

[winterglen]

Thank you for your kind support.

I wish I could say that the health risks are enough to stop that longing to be a "better" anorexic, but I feel like I haven't earned the right to think more positively about myself and I have to keep working to get it.

It seems like the anorexics I read about in magazines and that are portrayed on TV have earned that right. It's like I'm seeing hidden messages in it that tell me "This girl is so wonderful. Why can't you be more like her? Then maybe you'd meet our approval."

I know those thoughts are insane, but they don't stop reminding me that if I don't do something to correct my lazy and greedy behavior, I'll be in for a rude awakening.

I've been maintaining my weight. I'm eating enough, but my self-esteem has tanked.

[sunsetsunrise]

You keep posting here, if you can. I think this is a great community. And I am glad you are now a part of it.

I totally understand about lack of self-esteem. And I am sure lots of people do. There is power in numbers ( of people sharing challenges, experiences and compassion). So you just keep posting here, whenever you can or want. I hope its okay to send you one of these