[winterglen]

My latest issue is that I'm afraid to do laundry.

Doing laundry means I have to stay in the laundry room, without computer access or anything.

Which means while I'm waiting for my laundry, I'll have nothing to do.

When I have nothing to do, I think about food.

Ordinarily, I would bring a book to read, but lately I've been too restless, and a book is not enough to keep my mind occupied. I am reading, but usually when I'm multitasking on the computer.

Also, my parents are worried because I haven't been visiting, but it presents the same problem -- nothing to do, so I'll be thinking about food, and snapping at them because all I can think about is when is it time for my next meal.

I feel utterly disgusting, with a sack full of dirty clothes in my apartment and a dirty mind that obsesses over food.

I suck at life.

[Nerak67]

I obsess about food too. As soon as I finish breakfast I am looking at the clock to see when I can have lunch. It really affects my quality I life.

[sunsetsunrise]

I too have a history of obsessing about food. Its excruciating and exhausting. Right now I am not doing that because I am too sick to eat most foods. Its odd how being so sick brings me relief on that level.

I am sorry for the pain. I know first hand how bad it is.

[winterglen]

Finally got to my parents' place. Only I forgot to bring my laundry and had to waste an hour driving back to get my laundry. It was an error I could have avoided if I were able to think about anything besides when the next time I can stuff my face.

And sunsetsunrise, though I am sorry that you are suffering, I feel like you saying that you are too sick to eat most foods sound like you're bragging. I know that's not your intent, but that's how I'm receiving it. It makes me feel like I have no right to say I have an ED because it's not as bad as yours or other peoples', and that I should feel ashamed about lying about having a serious disease that people like you genuinely suffer from. What a despicable person everyone must think I am to lie about having a serious disease to get attention.

I wish I were sick enough to not want to eat food. To me it sounds much better than wanting and fantasizing about food like a disgusting freakish failure who lies to get sympathy.

I do feel very ashamed for feeling so jealous and angry that people who don't deserve it, when I know it's my own fault and no one else's that I'm such a failure. I honestly do feel ashamed, just apparently not enough to do anything to improve it.

I'm very sorry. I'm sorry for being an attention ***** and for not deserving to recover from this disease because I don't really have it. I'm sorry that people who really have this disease have to suffer from my desperate and greedy grabs for rewards I haven't earned.

I just want to clarify, sunsetsunrise, that I really am not angry with you. I'm angry at myself for not being good enough to deserve recovery. The fact that I'm even posting this proves it.

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by winterglen

And sunsetsunrise, though I am sorry that you are suffering, I feel like you saying that you are too sick to eat most foods sound like you're bragging.
I wish I were sick enough to not want to eat food. To me it sounds much better than wanting and fantasizing about food like a disgusting freakish failure who lies to get sympathy. .

sorry. sometimes I say profoundly stupid things.

[winterglen]

Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise

sorry. sometimes I say profoundly stupid things.

No, I'm sorry. I was going to delete that post.

You aren't stupid for wanting to write about the effects of your ED. And it certainly isn't your fault that I don't have more control over my freakish yearnings to eat more food.

You didn't say anything offensive. This is my problem, not yours. I'm really sorry.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs and support to all!

Please SunSun don't leave pc

(sorry this is off topic, I'm just really worried about SunSun

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((( winterglen ))))))))))))