[atomicc]

I've always been very weird about eating. After I eat anything I feel guilty about it. Even if it's just cheese and crackers, I'll wish right after that I didn't eat it. I don't throw anything up and I usually don't watch what I eat. I do go through periods (like now for example) where I will sort of..restrict myself. I won't eat anything unhealthy and I'll only eat small portions of it even if I'm still hungry. I've always thought a lot about my weight. I was almost 145 when I was 19 due to SSRI's but I've actually got down to 125 or so now.
Is anyone else WITHOUT an eating disorder like this? Is it just a personality or social thing maybe? I would love some input

[tinyrabbit]

I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but that is disordered eating. (((Hugs))))

I have to say, going only off of my own experience of having an ED for almost 10 year now, that you have an eating disorder. It's scary to hear and process..I know. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings though. I'm in therapy for mine...maybe you can check into talking to someone about your disordered eating and thoughts.

[SingDanceRunLife]

You sound a lot like me...at the very least, you have disordered eating...but it sounds like an eating disorder. Of course, none of us here can diagnose you, but just over this past summer I was diagnosed with anorexia, and I was very much like you...restricting, thinking about my weight and body etc. I was like this for years and up until this year didn't admit that it was an eating disorder. But I've had one for quite some time now. Take care.

[atomicc]

Hmm it is a little tough to hear. I guess I've always figured my eating is disordered. I just hate myself so much after a meal even if I liked the food.:/ thank you all..I might bring it up in therapy but..I'm just kind of embarrassed. I feel like a fraud, you know? I don't really lose much weight and I'll still go through phases where I eat whatever I want. :/

i hope you are able to talk to someone and get help.

keep us informed

Originally Posted by atomicc

Hmm it is a little tough to hear. I guess I've always figured my eating is disordered. I just hate myself so much after a meal even if I liked the food.:/ thank you all..I might bring it up in therapy but..I'm just kind of embarrassed. I feel like a fraud, you know? I don't really lose much weight and I'll still go through phases where I eat whatever I want. :/

Yeah I do the same and feel the same as you tbh! I don't see it as an eating disorder, but then I could be wrong. I've lost some weight this year, quite sudden, partly due to a loss of appetite and partly due to the fact I was enjoying losing weight and so restricting when I was hungry.

My eating is pretty normal again now, thankfully haven't put the weight back on. Went down a dress size and have been told that I'm looking good for it.

In my head I want to keep restricting, I want to lose more weight, but luckily by hungry stomach is saying 'no, feed me!' If I was to lose more weight I'd be headed to be underweight I think.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Yeah I do the same and feel the same as you tbh! I don't see it as an eating disorder, but then I could be wrong. I've lost some weight this year, quite sudden, partly due to a loss of appetite and partly due to the fact I was enjoying losing weight and so restricting when I was hungry.

My eating is pretty normal again now, thankfully haven't put the weight back on. Went down a dress size and have been told that I'm looking good for it.

In my head I want to keep restricting, I want to lose more weight, but luckily by hungry stomach is saying 'no, feed me!' If I was to lose more weight I'd be headed to be underweight I think.

Yes exactly! I've been losing weight and it's such a good feeling I don't want to go back to just eating whatever I want again. Though I do give in like you, sometimes my stomach just won't have it!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Yes exactly! I've been losing weight and it's such a good feeling I don't want to go back to just eating whatever I want again. Though I do give in like you, sometimes my stomach just won't have it!

The fact that your stomach is still keeping you eating is good. But if you let this progress more, you'll get to a point where hunger doesn't even exist anymore, and there's almost nothing that keeps you eating.

[Grey Matter]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Hmm it is a little tough to hear. I guess I've always figured my eating is disordered. I just hate myself so much after a meal even if I liked the food.:/ thank you all..I might bring it up in therapy but..I'm just kind of embarrassed. I feel like a fraud, you know? I don't really lose much weight and I'll still go through phases where I eat whatever I want. :/

I think a lot of stigma with eating disorders needs to be erased or reconstructed because there are people who have disordered eating habits but they feel lost because they assume they must either be super skinny or binging, and that's not true! Size and weight really have no determination in what disordered eating is. It comes in many forms, and all are confusing and dangerous. Follow your gut feeling here. It sounds like disordered eating and you're not a fraud, I know that feeling. Bring it up now so you can nip it in the bud before it grows. No need to be embarrassed. Many hugs.

[June55]

atomicc I can relate to what you are saying.