Disordered eating

I used to have anorexia years ago, but after dating my boyfriend I changed. He wanted me to eat more so I did and I feel like I gained a lot of weight from it which makes me uncomfortable. Idk if I actually did gain a lot of weight appearance wise since I have body dysmorphic disorder so certain things seem bad to me, but I don't let people know. I'm doing better with the bdd and I try not to let it affect my life.

So now that my boyfriend makes me eat more and I'm pretty ridiculous now. When we first met I would eat 1/5 of a normal size portion meal and a bit of dessert, but that upset him so I promised I would eat more. I have periods where I'm not interested in eating then periods where I over eat until it hurts. I also inhail my food so I will eat my food quite rapidly with a large portion then eat again shortly a similar portion. I don't purge anymore since I don't want to ruin my teeth, I think that's why I have teeth sensitivity now and it's quite the problem.

I looked it up and it seems like I have binge eating disorder now since I don't purge anymore, but I have periods where I don't eat so I'm not sure. How do I become normal?

Hi medicalfox! Sorry to see you in the ed forum, even though it is always nice to see you. Are you currently addressing any eating/body issues with T ot Dr's? Are you willing to? That is honestly the best way to get back into healthy eating patterns. Does boyfriend's input help or hurt? You don't have to give him control over your food choices unless you want to or find it more healthful. Would you be willing to see a nutritionist? If your doctor writes an order/referral for it is the best way to have it covered by insurance if you are concerned about cost.
I know much much easier said than done, but try your best not to focus on your size or weight. You already know your view may be inaccurate due to bdd. Try your best to instead concentrate your efforts on eating a variety of nutritious foods until you can get an appointment with a pro. Is it an okay thing to ask your bf for help with this? If your body is getting nutrition it needs, that might help a little bit with symptoms. I'm so sorry you are struggling.

Passively I have addressed it to my pcp. I developed gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) from purging too much so I have to take 150mg of zantac twice a day. I'm very embarrassed to mention it to a medical professional since I have a lot of health issues (physically and mentally).

I get all the nutrient I need since I am very good about eating healthy, but I struggle with calorie intake; I either consume too much or too little. My boyfriend helps me tremendously and he knows I have "bad eating habits". When I don't eat he makes me eat which is good, sometimes he will buy groceries. When I eat too much he will restrict my dessert foods and only let me have fruit. When he's asleep through or not home is when I have no one to help me with my habits so I'm trying to figure out coping methods on my own.

How could a nutritionist help me? I never thought of seeing one since I know a lot about nutrition, but I don't know coping strategies to avoid eating too much or too little.

Thank you for your reply Gr3tta

I've had the most success in working with a therapist that is well versed in eating disorders. Like you, I restricted my eating when I was younger, then switched to binge eating, and now I tend to switch back and forth between restricting and binge eating.

I KNOW what proper nutrition and proper eating habits actually are, I just didn't know how to apply them to myself. My eating habits were really triggered by emotions and working on those underlying emotions and issues has helped me to both see the eating patterns that I engage in and find ways to normalize my eating.

For me, working with a nutritionist or dietitian wouldn't have done any good, because I needed to work on the emotional and mental side, not learn what proper meals would be.

That's a very good point, thank you for sharing that. How could I get therapist or mental help for that? I have a therapist for bpd and schizoaffective, but I don't know if she knows a lot about eating disorders.

Only way to find out would be to ask her! If she doesn't know a lot about disordered eating, ask her if she can refer you to someone that does. You don't have to stop working with your current therapist, but could add in a new one if needed, just for this one issue.

You can also go here and search by state for therapists that specialize in eating disorders. Treatment facilities are listed first - scroll down past that to the health care professionals section. Treatment - The Elisa Project - Overcoming eating disorders through knowledge.

Oh! I didn't realize you were still getting good nutrition. Your second post clarified, thank you. Do you feel like you know what healthy calories and portions for you are? Is it just a question of helping yourself stick to them? Do you know what is triggering binges? Do you start out hungry for a healthy meal, but then have a hard time getting stopped once you've had all you needed? Do you like "getting away with something" when you binge undetected when no one is around? Do you feel "hungry" or empty in some other way?
Those would be some of the questions I would ask myself to try to get binge eating under control. I am also wondering, since it sounds like you are eating healthy things, if you are truly binging, or if it just feels that way compared to undersized meals that you may have become accustomed to while restricting your eating?
I am glad your boyfriend is a good support. If you made a meal and snack plan for times when he's gone or asleep together, would that help you stick to it?
I feel I asked you more questions than I answered! I'm sorry! I commend you for all the great work you've done so far learning about nutrition. I have faith in you that you will continue to improve in these obstacles.

I'm going to answer your questions in the order you have asked them. I do know how much calories I need and the portions needed are, but idk why I eat so much. Yes I want to stick to them, but idk why it's so hard to. I can't recall at the moment, I'm ridiculous with sweets and that's a weakness of mine. Yes I have trouble controling portions since I engulf my food fast, get sick, then do the same thing 30 minutes later. Yes because I get to have as much as I want like cookies. I have bpd so I feel like something is missing, but I have no idea what it is and now I have sort of an emptiness.

I was thinking it could have been that I am eating more it would be normal portions, but I have a belly now and gain weight so I am over exceeding my calorie limit.

I'll ask my therapist and see if she can help me come up with strategies for coping

Eating issues can come with bpd so please let her know. Also check if it cycles with your mood.

It could be from bpd, I never thought of that. I will ask her when I see her in a few weeks, thanks for the info! I will be doing a bit of researching and hopefully find a way to correct this.