Eating Disorder, too? Or just another facet of my anxiety disorder?

Hello,
I'm sorry to be yet another one of those "do you think i have an eating disorder?" posts, but this habit of mine is getting worse, and I'm not sure whether to chalk it up to my panic and anxiety disorders which are a constant battle for me.
To start with, I've always had a great body image. There was certainly a time when I thought my body was the only thing good about me, but that was years ago. I do suffer from low self-esteem in general, but I loved my body when it was bigger and when it was smaller, so I know that my issues aren't related to body image or dieting....but the thing is that I just never eat. As a teenager it was a big joke that i would forget to eat, and in college, i ate nothing but hot dogs and ramen, because i could never plan ahead enough to get to the cafeteria. Now I am an adult and have been living on my own for several years. I never exercise, I am most comfortable being unnoticable and sedentary.
I recently got married and my husband has started to notice that i don't eat, even when I'm hungry. But its kind of always been this way. My Dad used to humiliate and degrade my sister and I over the dinner table, making us solve math problems well above our education level and then mocking us when we couldn't solve them. He also made us pay him in minutes of silence for any food we left on our plate at a restaurant. I was left with this very overwhelming feeling that must earn every bite i eat, and when I don't feel I have... I don't.
My anxiety and panic have slowly taken over my life and I got treatment about 9 months ago. Immediately afterwards, I had an appetite like I never have before, ate all the time, and felt almost giddy with the freedom...but now I'm back to thinking any food in the house isn't meant for me, even if I bought it. Or feeling overcome with the kind of appreciation that makes me feel small and worthless if anyone else makes me food. I love the way my stomach feels when it is empty...like it is urging me on to be more worthy or respected or whatever adjective means that the food I'm eating hasn't been wasted.
So, I have a counselor, and I want to bring it up with her, but am not sure how. It doesn't really sound like any of the eating disorders i've read about, which made me think it might just be a response to the anxiety...but whatever it is, i've come to believe it is disordered and want to do something about it.

Thank you so much for reading this far, an I appreciate any advice or feedback you can offer.

Sometimes I think about the same types of things concerning my situation. I have not been dx'ed with an ED, but sometimes I think I fit the criteria. I am clinically depressed and have severe anxiety, both of which I am currently being treated for. Both have led to my "bad eating habits." I've read that people with any type of ED usually have anxiety and/or depression. So IMO, they seem to run hand in hand. There is definatly a thin line there.

I can really relate to much of what you say, how you describe your feelings towards eating and food. My issues with eating began at secondary school where there was a lot of pressure to be stick thin, and if you weren't, you weren't liked and were ridiculed. I stopped eating what I could get away with, and whatever could go unnoticed. Ended up like a twig then a few years later gained a ton of weight during my first pregnancy and after the birth of my eldest son. I ate uncontrollably and never exercised, never went out due to agoraphobia. I lost some healthily in the end, then a load of stuff happened, got really stressed and stopped eating again. I'm now 30 and since age 12 have gone from tiny to huge now back to not far off how I was all those years again being only a few pounds off underweight. My bad eating habits are disordered of some description. Initially it started as a body image/wanting to fit in thing, now it's kind of anxiety/panic/phobia driven and secretly, a body image thing too. I don't know which outweighs the other.
I would definitely bring it up with your counsellor, just be totally honest with them.
You should not have ever been made to feel you have to earn your food. I relate to that also, not a parent but another person from the past who would say I was worthy of whatever they decided to leave me off their plate, if they didn't decide to throw it out of course. Some people are just incredibly cruel and I'm sorry you went through that.

It does irritate me when it's thought that ED's/anorexia are all about body image.....because it's not.....there are so many serious underlying issues that come first before an ED hits.....even at a young age. Body image is more what it can turn into when we start to see the loss of weight happening & the desire to loose more & more......

But stress, trauma, abuse.....are usually the underlying issues that trigger it in the first place......so don't kid yourself that ED's/anorexia are all about body image....even though the treatment centers are only willing to deal with those issues......I went through almost 8 weeks of treatment that was completely useless because it didn't deal with the main issues that were causing it & all they could talk about was body image crap....but I was so far underweight they couldn't deny it was anorexia.

It takes serious work & awareness of self & what's going on with thoughts & feelings to really work on it.....therapy is important & nurtitionists help is making you aware of what healthy eating REALLY is as sometimes we have to FORCE actions we really don't want to do in order to stay healthy even when we are under major stress & eating makes us feel sick.

Lots of good things being said here. Ultimately no one else can diagnose you, so to speak. But it does sound to me like you have an ED. Have you considered more intensive therapy? It's true that bad body image is not often the root cause but can often (usually) be a symptom of disordered eating. So even though you express having always felt good about your body, that does not make someone immune to disordered eating. EDs do not discriminate; they'll take anyone, rich or poor, any nationality or physical ability, fat or thin, gay or straight or somewhere in between...and it doesn't discriminate based on age either. Some of the people in my eating disorder group were in their 50s and 60s.

I'm one of those.....first time anorexia really hit me was when I was 43......last time.......51......& I still struggle with eating issues at 60 now