[myangelfacesx3]

Hi everyone.i am new here and just wanted to ask a question....
Before having children i was a healthy, size 8 (uk) 21yr old.....no history or mental health problems (other than having emetophobia from age 16yrs, but i could control it so didnt often impact my life)
Then as soon as i had my first child, i got pnd....which i got again with my second child.
Within a yr i was also diagnosed with chronic depression with psychotic tendencies.
2 yrs later i fell preg again. i came off my meds and was fine all pregnancy.
When my baby reached 4 months old, i started feeling ill again. i was gradually put back on my meds again, but this time....they weren't helping.
I got really ill and in the end my husband have to give up work so with you could help with the house / children etc.... is there were quite a few times where I physically couldn't even dress myself or shower let alone 2 things like cook a big family meal every night.

Had to see my psychi regularly as he decided to change my meds.
I stayed on anti depressants and risperidone but lithium was introduced aswel.
My cpn , theropist etc said that I have been displaying all the signs of bipolar with hypomania and that if that was the case the lithium would settle things down and would be able to help me stay more on a even keel.
Anyway the lithium has helped loads (in some ways) can I have been on it for about 2 years now.
I don't know if it has anything to do with the lithium or if it is just coincidence... but for about the last 18 months I have gradually eaton less and less and less until it got to a point where I was going to say is at a time without eating a single thing.
I was living of hot chocolate initially.....but then i got taste for proper chocolate so because of how fattening chocolate is what I would do would be to not eat anything at all for 2 to 3 days and then after that I would go to the local shop and buy multipacks of bars of chocolate...... I would bring it home and eat the entire lot in 1 go and then the cycle with start again another 3 days until now thing and then on the next day picking out on several bars of chocolate, which I did not stop eating until I started to feel sick.
then because it made me feel sick and given the fact of my saviour the two of the asleep didn't mix so I have to give up eating that way all together.
this time I use to just have a little bite here and there of different things and still be on days would happen where I didn't eat anything at all.
then I started to lose weight (which had nothing to do with why i slowed down eating in the first place)
but recently my husband has really been having a go at me about the whole not eating properly saying but it's got to a point now that if I even look at most kind of food I instantly just feel sick and I cannot force myself to eat it even though I have tried that many times.
the only stay for food I am interested in eating is sweet foods such as cakes biscuits and chocolate but due to the high fat content of these I can't just eat them and leave it knowing that all the fat will be making my body you look worse and worse every time I eat chocolate or anything else for being so I have ended up now taking diet pills and i have even now tried taking laxatives.
I certainly never feel hungry and even when I do feel hungry there are only very few things that I can actually eat.
I am dreading the end of this month because it is my husband's birthday and as a present we have been given a 4 course meal on the river thames in london and I don't know what to do about the fact that there is no hope in hell I am going to be able to eat one course let alone 4!!! please can anybody help I don't want to get any fatter you for but at the same time I just can't eat properly anymore

[Victoria'smom]

You need to tell your therapist what is going on.

[myangelfacesx3]

I have spoken to them about it, well tried to.....but he just dismisses it and just talks about other crap thats not that important.....or at least on teir own they aint all that important....but there are several big problems to my illness....for example.....i am also a shopoholic....... i spend beyond my means and have got myself in a big financial mess several times but i just cant stop it.....i have treied speaking to him about this or so but yet again it was just brushed under the carpet whereas to me these problems (esp spending) are hugely significant to my over all mental health....... and also what courses is the most problems in my relationship..... yet all my psychi ever wants to talk about is medication.
I have seen a advocate in the past so i could change psychi but apparently he is the only one in my are.....so its a case of like it or lump it.
But how can you get help for a prkblem if your dr wont even listen?

[Victoria'smom]

At the beginning of therapy I made a list of things I needed help with because coming up with a goal was to hard. I also put problems that she may feel are important but I don't want to talk about.

[waggiedog]

Hello there. Oh dear, I could really sit down here and write a very long screed in answer to your post. I guess basically I totally identify with a great deal of what you said. I'll try and ''nutshell'' it. My pattern of eating in a 'controlled' way is the same as yours, I'm classed as 'restrictive' and Atypical anorexia BUT, believe you me I'm NOT thin (wish I was!). Because I've been 'messing' with severe dieting over the last 30+ years, I've now completely ****** up my metabolisim, to the point of not being able to eat many calories per day to stay 'medium' sized. The amount of calories I have is under half the recommended daily rate, yet I never loose weight. The 'Atypical' lable comes from years ago when I WAS very thin AND the 'atypical' means that the anorexia in my case came about because of Borderline Personality Disorder, so it was secondary to that. I consider myself more EDNOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified) now and severe restricting is a way of life. Funnily enough, you'll never believe it, but I've done that very Thames meal cruise you mentioned, it was wonderful BUT I ate nothing! I took two people with me who love food and know me and my 'funny' ways! They were happy to gobble up my dinner I wouldn't eat! I wish you luck in future. HUGS and LOVE. XXXX