[deadlash]

you know, life is funny, especially when it pushes you to stop eating. I had everything going for me, I left my abusive run down home, and moved in with a room mate. After my ovarian cyst surgery, that room mate became a nightmare. I knew I wasn't wanted, he had his girl friend and kidlets over constantly, and yelled at me. He also started taking up room in the fridge, so that I had no food. He then wrote an eviction letter and had his friend sexually harass me through texting. I boarded myself up in my room because I have a huge fear of men, and I had got him evicted because all the pain he put me through. By that time, my mother wanted me to move into a trailor that she bought for my brother and I. I gave in after many guilt trips, and name calling. So I moved in, to a mice fecie infected mobile home. I got obsessed with thinking I had intestinal parasites, so I stopped eating properly, and took herbs and garlic. It was also winter, and there was no grocery store close by, especially in that snow. I lost all my upper body strength two years ago, so I couldnt carry anything more than 8 lbs. Unfortunately, by that time my brother was moving in, he's a paranoid schitsophrenic. I was eating again, but he would eat my food constantly, and Im on a fixed income. Whenever I cooked for us, he'd eat most of the meal. I'd buy meal replacement drinks cause I wasn't eating(due to constant constipation) but he would drink them all. I later got too stressed and stopped eating altogether, coupled with a food phobia. Gradually starving was easy. I had no appetite, still don't. My doctor was no help, he couldn't tell me why I wasn't hungry. I later got stomach pain, and the doc put me on antiacids. They worked for a week, but later I got really sick so I stopped taking them. Now I'm here, too many pounds of muscle is gone, and I'm weak from ataxia. I know I have no stomach acid, cause everything just stays in my stomach, and when I throw up, theres no taste of acid. I know what acid tastes like, I periodically am bulemic. I hate eating, it does nothing for me, cept make me sick. I know I was suffering from a B3 deficiency, because it stopped all the burning pain I'd get on my torso. I don't think there's any hope for me, especially since I don't have stomach acid. My supplements only work if I take them with lemon extract. I want to donate blood, so that I make the cardiac aspect go faster. Isn't that nice?

you have such a painful past..... to the point you are bring me to tears.

Gods blessings to you. I hope you get all the help that you need to be fully healthy AND happy.

[deadlash]

That pain was only 2 years ago... I've been through SO much, you have no idea. I left home so I wouldn't try to kill myself again. I just wanted so much more, but ended up worse off.