keep seeing triggers (ironically has triggers)

I see these all the time. Books, magazines, websites where people brag about how little they eat.

Actually, they aren't really bragging because they're too perfect to brag. They just talk about how little they eat like it's the most normal thing in the world. That it's people who eat more than them that are the problem.

And these aren't pro-Ana sites. These are normal sites for everyone.

I can't stand it, that this is what everyone thinks. That I have to learn to eat less or I'll never be as good as they are. That if I don't learn to eat less, I'm considered a problem. If I want to be liked and included in their perfect world, I have to stop being so indulgent. Why is this so hard for me?

I hate it. I hate their constant screaming and scolding and criticizing and telling me that I'm a failure. I hate them for making it so hard for me to earn the right to be happy. I hate myself for being so weak-willed and depraved. There is nothing in my soul except poisonous envy because I made the choice to have such rotten poisonous character, and I shouldn't feel this way. I should feel good and confident and kind, and I don't. I want to hate everyone else because I'm such a failure, because I can't be part of their world.

I'm sorry. I know it's my fault. If I could just give up my selfish indulgences I could be happy, but I'm not giving them up, so I'm getting exactly what I deserve: failure and exclusion.

Whoa!! Please don't be so hard on yourself! You are not a selfish indulgent failure. And all those stupid people you read about are not "perfect, wonderful successes". Mostly, (believe me) what they brag about is fabrication.

So you eat. Maybe too much, in your view. You have an eating disorder. So do I. this is not your fault. You can get help...it's out there. Try to relax and look at things with a more realistic eye. Are you really eating that much? I'll bet you aren't. I think I eat too much when in reality I don't take in many calories a day.

Take care of yourself. Message me if you'd like to talk. I care.

I can empathize with you ... I am triggered by EVERYTHING. Thin people, large people, fit people, bodybuilders, magazines, models... you name it, it probably triggers me. My absolute biggest trigger is others talking about how little they eat or claiming that they are going to "become anorexic for a few weeks". NO ONE who has not lived with it knows what it's like to have an eating disorder- and they won't understand. That is what gets me.

Anyways, it isn't selfish. You are not eating too much. Try to not let the small things get to you too badly (I know easier said than done!)