Over-ate a bit today. Yesterday I didn't eat at all until around 6 pm and I just had some sweet potato fries. Today my mom went out and got a bunch of snacks during groceries and since the World Cup game was on I decided to treat myself to some of those snacks while watching. Unfortunately , I let myself go a little bit and ate more than I planned to. That happens way too much. I'm usually able to make up for it by eating a lot less the next day, but I still can't help feeling like ****. I always end up completely hating myself whenever I overeat, as if I'd gain 10 pounds in a day. And the next day I'll weigh myself and see that I'm still the same weight, but I still give myself a hard time for overeating. Then there are times where I'll be eating a bit more and think to myself, this is good, you need this. You need food to grow. But even after that once I'm done eating, I still have feelings of hatred and disgust towards my own self. I hate feeling that way. I absolutely hate that fact that something like food, something that all organisms in this entire world need to survive, can make me, and so many others hate themselves because of this stupid vision of perfection that we have. And I can't even bring myself to blame "society" and the "perfect" celebrities we see on screen. Because we are society. Each and every once of us as an individual make up society. And in all honesty, society is something we all should be proud of, this idea of everyone being united that benefits us all. Instead, it took a turn for the worse and gave us reasons to bring ourselves down because of other humans, other people like us. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, I just, I hate hating myself. I hate this feeling of torment whenever I put something in my mouth. It shouldn't be that way. This hurts.
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