[breakmystride]

This past Spring, I nearly had to go inpatient because I was severely underweight. Because of financial issues, I went into an outpatient program instead, and left the program before I was fully weight restored. But I've nearly doubled my weight in the past seven or eight months, and now I'm actually overweight. I've gone through periods of overeating, but I've also lapsed into restrictive habits for short periods of time without losing any weight. I'm scared that now, because the damage my eating disorder did to my metabolism and just my overall attitude towards food, I'm going to be overweight for the rest of my life.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hey breakmystride

I had an eating disorder in university.

The yo yoing around with under calorie consumption and then followed by a bout of over consumption will NOT make you overweight for the rest of your life.

My body is extremely sensitive to calorie consumption. It can rapidly lose weight or gain weight according to what I'm eating (I'm in my 30s).

It's really just about finding that healthy balance.

Don't overdo it.

Don't underdo it.

[eskielover]

After major anorexia that I was medically hospitalized for on & off for almost 4 years I too gained more weight than i had ever weighed before im my life. Then some healsh issues hit along with a trauma & the cancer death of my mom. (Trauma dealt with home care person for my mom)..I lost all but a little of what I gained & ended up having to be medically hospitalized for anorexia for several months.

I promised myself I would never gain like I had..but sould also not loose like I had either. Trying hard to stay at a healthy weight. I don't binge just eat normal but stkll restrict also to sort of ballance..not the best way but has been working. When in the hospital realized that I could stay just ok if I ate at least a little..so I make sure I eat. Living alone & not cooking for self much is hard & not having $ to eat out..its a challenge but it's possible not to stay in the overwright state....think healthy that helps

[breakmystride]

I'm sorry you went through that and hope you're doing better now.

Honestly, I never thought just a few months of restriction could cause such long-term emotional damage. I feel like I'm lying about being 'in remission' because I've lapsed so often, with multiple ed behaviors, but I don't feel like I can ask for professional help when I'm actually overweight.

[Fallindown]

If you're lucky the ED will end and your weight will become normal w/o too much mental anguish. Hang tough!

[Iguanadon]

Originally Posted by breakmystride

I'm sorry you went through that and hope you're doing better now.

Honestly, I never thought just a few months of restriction could cause such long-term emotional damage. I feel like I'm lying about being 'in remission' because I've lapsed so often, with multiple ed behaviors, but I don't feel like I can ask for professional help when I'm actually overweight.

You can always get professional help at any weight. Eating disorders come in every shape and size. I suffer from restriction-type anorexia, but was arguably my sickest (mentally and physically) when I was going through a period of unhealthy eating habits that resulted in weight gain. Clinically, my doc thought I was 'fine' because my weight was up, but I hated myself and was breaking down inside. It took years after that for me to finally get help -and I'm still struggling - but I'm in a much better place now than I was then. You can't go at this alone. If you can't find a therapist, try to find someone to talk to about this stuff. Posting here is a great start.

Be well!! <3

[Neptune83]

Originally Posted by breakmystride

This past Spring, I nearly had to go inpatient because I was severely underweight. Because of financial issues, I went into an outpatient program instead, and left the program before I was fully weight restored. But I've nearly doubled my weight in the past seven or eight months, and now I'm actually overweight. I've gone through periods of overeating, but I've also lapsed into restrictive habits for short periods of time without losing any weight. I'm scared that now, because the damage my eating disorder did to my metabolism and just my overall attitude towards food, I'm going to be overweight for the rest of my life.

I understand what you're saying.
When I was a teen, I developed an ED. I restricted heavily, lost a lot of weight and ended up underweight for quite some time. I was in a difficult situation then, that meant it went unnoticed by anyone who would've helped me. I then became free of that situation and met someone. They encouraged me to eat more. I took to it better than I thought, probably because although initially starving myself was my choice, it ended up not being my choice so to have the option of food in a safe environment made me feel good, although I continued to struggle with guilt and body image. I gained weight and was a healthy weight. I then fell pregnant and went a bit mad with food, gained loads and was overweight eventually. My MH problems crept in, I became agoraphobic, I would comfort eat. I ended up what they call 'morbidly obese' for years. I just couldn't adopt a healthy mindset with food and eating. I eventually joined a weight loss group (a very well known one, not sure if I'm allowed to say who) which promoted healthy eating but not so much any idea of healthy portion sizes. I lost weight, a lot of weight and felt much better. If I'd have carried on, and perhaps learnt what a healthy portion size was, I have no doubt in my mind I'd have got to a healthy weight in a healthy way, so it can be done. Don't lose hope. Can you get help with your relationship with food? The simple bit is eating healthy stuff, the hard bit is changing how you think and feel towards food. And also how you think and feel about yourself, what you use to cope with how you feel, it all ties in and is probably better dealt with with professional help. That's what I missed out on and I wish I hadn't.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[breakmystride]

I'm thinking about trying to contact the clinic again, at least to ask if I need to be worried about my eating habits. I think I'm not really being honest with myself right now.

[Iguanadon]

Originally Posted by breakmystride

I'm thinking about trying to contact the clinic again, at least to ask if I need to be worried about my eating habits. I think I'm not really being honest with myself right now.

Do it! Contact them!

[breakmystride]

Originally Posted by Iguanadon

Do it! Contact them!

I think I'm going to, but getting up the courage is hard. For one thing I feel really guilty that I didn't follow all their advice (especially dropping out of the program when EVERYBODY knew I wasn't ready). And besides that, I doubt they'd want to re-admit me, seeing as how they had limited space and since I'm not underweight or malnourished, I'm not going to be a priority.

Honestly right now I'm in that place where I want to get really sick again before I get help just so that I feel like I deserve help.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi breakmystride

You deserve help now.

You don't need to be in a place where you get really sick again in order to get help.

Please look after yourself.