Questions need answers

Alright, so I'm not necessarily new to the whole bulimia thing and I know we all do our own personalized crazy things as a part of the ED but, I keep hearing things about these sugar withdrawls or binges??? People replacing any food substance with sugar? Personally for me, I just dont eat period.

Second, has anyone ever come to the full realization that what we do to ourselves, does in fact KILL US. Even though to us, it may seem harmless and simple, it's stepping that much closer to death?

Hmm i wasn't aware that it was a gneralized thing to replace real food with sugar...but now that i've read that it makes a lot of sense! I do that a lot, i'll not eat anything for a couple days...except maybe a bowl of ice cream or something..eeek.

I've also noticed that i'll eat something very plain (few calories etc) and then smother it with salt or something to give it flavor. The salt is terrible for health but the need to avoid calories becomes higher priority.

It's hard to imagine that we are killing ourselves with each day that we let this disorder control our lives. It's almost like the ED is what we live for so we feel as though we are living "just fine".

Does anybody else convince themselves that a food tastes good when really it doesn't? Like, a friend of mine (who is anorexic also) told me that she ate lettuce(few calories) with mustard (no calories). It would have sounded terrible when i was healthy but i've been eating it lately! (which ties into above also because mustard is high in sodium and thus a bad choice for health).

I've been staying away from sugary foods on this diet with no forseeable end.

I know sugar triggars insulin rushes which in turn stops fat cells from releasing its stores and also throws the body in to fat storing mode. When I do eat sugar, its usually for desert. If I eat sugar on an empty stomach, I get the shakes later from low sugar as my body fat cells(what I have left of them) & liver absorb it all too quickly and I get the shakes.

I think too much surgar in a diet throws the body out of wack with the constant insulin rushes. Maybe a person gets addicted to the mood highs they get off the sweets so when they suddenly cut the sweets out, they'll feel slightly depressed till thier bodies re-adjust and even back out.

For me, I find myself binging out of control when I dip my hands in salty nuts like almonds and pastachios. At least those things are good for me. Salty chips will do the same. For me salt increases cravings so I attempt to stay away.

Isn't it amazing at how conteously we know what we're doing is bad for us but it seems we are a prisoner to our subconteous feelings and desires or we're just not strong enough to over come it. Our conteous minds are sencible and understanding but our subconteous mind seems to get tunnel vision as to what it wants and will do what ever it takes to achieve that goal... even if it kills us. I have better uses for such will power if I could just tap into it.

Oryan

when i run into anorexia i drink coffee like its water....according the nutrionial value its only like 1 calorie ....what makes coffee really not good for you is the amount of sugar you put in it and cream...normally i will only eat around 2 to 3 bananas and a few coffees as it is a laxative and an appetite decreaser...but i do allow myself two tsp of sugar since bananas are 121 calories ...plus bananas decrease appetite as well..and by the end of the day i only intake like....263 calories...not too bad ....

I think the ED's are all different,,,, mine happens to be sugar - once I passed over the bulimea... with bulimea, I threw up smetimes 20 times a day (even in my sleep).... I personally replace sugar with all other foods and binge on huge amounts of it because it makes me feel numb. But that is me... my particuliar ED.

My T feels I have a death wish.. it is a slow way to commit sucide.... I am only speaking for me and what I do...
I feel the weight of depression... fully on my shoulders this week...I've had a successful career, raised a child, all my family has passed. (my son doesn't want anything to do with me) between the severe severe anxiety... that keeps me homebound what else is there? can't breathe, walk...
what do I have to offer?

See, i just dont understand the whole sugar concept thing. If its just to hold you over till you could sleep or find a longer distraction, why not just fight the urge to eat all together.....maybe its just my own strong willed, hard headed self. But for me, its not about how little i can eat or how much i can binge, its a matter of self determination and will power to create my body into whatever I want. Its a mind over matter concept for me. If i can surpress my feelings of anger or saddness into a tangible and physical matter then my mind successfully beat out any temperal thought of weakness.

what you said makes so much sense... it truely does... so you would think that I could do that - use my self will, determination to get better...

taking the liberty of furthering your thought....

speaking for me only... I think the childhood of sexual and physical abuse, the 12 years of marriage where I was beaten every day pretty much, my Mom that was deathly sick all my life with a heart damaged by reumatic fever - having to take care of her always, the years of being a single parent without help, the carrer with heavy responsibility and on-call....the last job I worked at I was harrashed - very very badly and basically broke in half from it.

well, I'm old, I'm worn out, I feel that I have no one that cares, I lost that exterme drive and will to surivie,,, I say why bother - what is there? but lack the courage to do anything direct about it..

I do know that I am tired of secrets so I am direct today in my post - hopefully it doesn't offend, hurt or otherwise do any damage to anyone.

Mostly, I have no one to care and give to any more...they are either passed or as my son gone..

I love that you care enough to post... to try to figure out "what's the deal"... it shows that you are a caring person.

Sincerely,
freewill

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freewill said:
... so you would think that I could do that - use my self will, determination to get better...

You can! That's the beauty in life! Whatever you set your mind to, regardless of the struggles that come with it, you can achieve. You have the world at your feet, so why pass up the oppurtunity to become more than you could imagine possible? Call me a hypocrite, its cool, although I am struggling greatly with my ED, I never give up hope. I know one day I will be ED-FREE. There's more to live for than this. There has to be, because before all this, what mattered? Everything. Family, friends, school, jobs, laughter, hope, motivation, determination. The things in life that mattered then, surprisingly enough, matter more now than they ever did.

You can get through all this. We all can. I apologize for my extreme optimism, but I know God gave me this struggle for a higher purpose than to one day die from it's grasp. It's refreshing to have a better outlook on the future, but again, this is just how I see things. I see things better, whether it happens or not, its nice to think that atleast I could imagine what life could have been. Use your determination and strong will to be better, be the greatest. Do something with your talents. Do something with your life. It is too precious to let fall to the drivel of a distorted mind.

Good luck with everything, although I am a stranger and know nothing about who you are, what you've done or where your coming from, but I know you deserve more than the condemnation of an ED.