Really just recognizing this myself

When I was younger, I use to vomit after eating anything. I never told anyone that. Not at 25 o hate having to eat. Ugh, looking at myself in pictures or the mirror is torture. I just had my second daughter a month ago, I know things aren't going to be tight and in place right now. But I can't stop thinking about what I eat, drink, how many squats and sit ups I do. I'm even wearing a postpartum girdle to help my belly stay in place. My perppreg weight was not bad for my height. I'm nearly there again but I want to be less, smaller. I hate this body. I hate my hips and thighs. I've been making fruit/veggie smoothies for breakfast. I know that's a good thing anyway. But I long to get on my treadmill and run. I don't because of my infant needing my attention and all that. Since I was in labor I've been eating sour gummie worms like crazy. And I'm so mad at myself. I want to cut out all junk but that's all I want to eat. I don't cook :/ don't have the patience. So if I don't have junk, I just don't eat. I'm so disgusted by myself.

I stick to a high protein low carb diet with small meals or snacks every 3-4 hours. My stomach shrinks with no binging.

I do yoga online (adrienne complete beginners yoga)

Anything positive I do is a start, a way out.

Being here on Psych Central helps me too.

Wish I had seen a therapist about this instead of struggling alone.

Hugs...
Thanks for sharing your struggles

I got the baby down for a nap at 8 today and my husband stayed with her while I ran on my treadmill. It felt good. I wanted to get in at least a mile. What a good feeling