[inkblot]

If my habits continue, I think that within a year(or less) bulimic type things could get more controlling and crazy like that weekend I had a while back. The way I get leg cramps and muscle pains, chest pains and my heart gets so sensitive from not eating, I'm not even sure that I would last that long without something more serious happening physically.

I'm still not eating much, once a day, maybe twice, but very light. Made it to THREE TIMES on Tuesday! It's still all a helluva lot more than I was doing only a few weeks ago. I can feel things changing though. I want to go back to eating less again, and have a little, but I know my body can't take that yet. I can't go 6 to 12 hours now without putting something in my stomach and not get chest pains or palpitations. I have to keep up with eating something. I can't let this get worse. I don't want to gain any weight either. I've gone back to taking this one natural supplement. It's publicized for mood and diet. It basically works on seratonin levels. I've had some caffeine tablets, too, but not alot. Maybe one or two tabs a day, if that. I'm tempted to do more, like a lax pill once in a while. I'm resisting so far. What if one of these days will be like that one night not long ago and it was automatic that I popped one because it seemed like something "fun" and just right to do? I got scared after that. What matters, I guess, is that I haven't repeated it even though I've had thoughts about it. Nothing controlling.