[lv99atheist]

Admittedly, I know very little about eating disorders. However, I have been lately wondering if I qualify for a type of disordered eating. See, I'm diabetic. I was diagnosed 15 years ago. It's been a struggle to find the right combination of medicine and diet. So, my blood sugar has been out of control basically all this time. Part of the problem is that I have been living in a very insecure food environment. Because of my mental and other unassociated physical problems, and because I am extremely low-income, I don't eat well. I tend to eat whatever is convenient, and that includes a lot of stuff that is bad for me. I've been able to avoid problems so far, except the frequent stern lectures by doctors who don't understand what it's like to have to skip a meal because you can't afford to eat. However, it's starting to catch up to me. I'm seeing more problems with the diabetes and have even been turned away from having necessary surgery because my blood sugar was extremely high. I have a lot of guilt about my diet, but I don't have any realistic way of changing things. To make matters worse, the only grocery store in the area closed, so the only "fresh" food available is convenience store food. Right now, I'm very anxious because I'm facing lithotripsy for kidney stones on Friday. They've told me that if my blood sugar is high, they won't proceed. Basically, except for a few bites here and there, I've stopped eating. I don't have to fast until midnight Friday, but I'm so worried about being turned away that I don't want to eat anything at all. I realize that eating disorders have to be a more long-term issue to be diagnosed, but I worry that I have been eating poorly for so long, and my attitude towards my diet, my body, and my self-worth fluctuate with my moods (harming myself with eating too much sweets, denying myself food when I hate myself, etc.) might actually be a sort of eating disorder. I'm not in treatment for mental health right now, mainly because I've got too many physical problems that it takes up all my time and flagging energy to deal with just that. I don't know, maybe I'm just worrying aloud. I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I don't know what I'm looking for. I feel lost and stressed. And I wish I were not feeling so bullied by the medical establishment.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lv99atheist: I'm so sorry to read of your struggle. This must all seem overwhelming. I take it you are not eligible for any type of government funded food program such as food stamps or whatever is available nowadays.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you really are between the proverbial "rock-&-a-hard-place". On the one hand, you have medical problems that need attention. But on the other the doctors won't, or can't, proceed because of your blood sugar problems. (By the way... I had a kidney stone about a year ago. It was incredibly painful.)

I unfortunately don't have any suggestions for you & I know you weren't looking for any. I just wanted to let you know I read your post. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that your circumstances might soon improve.