[buttrfli42481]

Friendly reminder that we are not supposed to use numbers in this forum. It can be very triggering to others. This includes calorie numbers.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by buttrfli42481

Friendly reminder that we are not supposed to use numbers in this forum. It can be very triggering to others. This includes calorie numbers.

I looked at the sticky thread above and it didn't say anything about calories. Is that something new? I tried to go back and edit but was unable.

[LucyD]

Feeling down today, hoping it will pass. Another hot day here. Glad to have AC. This forum seems like it's deserted. Maybe people are out enjoying the summer, something I haven't done much. Don't like being out in the heat. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

[LucyD]

Feeling better now. We had a good Tstorm and rain which we really needed. Been eating veggies and fruits and tofu and Mornigstarfarm non meat burgers this week. Don't know if I'll go back to meat next week or not at this point. I am enjoying cooking onions and carrots and tofu stir fry; boiled a sweet potato. Had that for dinner.

Took my Geodon full dose, I think that helped a lot.

I still haven't got a therapist for the eating disorder but am doing lots better with it anyway. Haven't been binging in I think a few weeks and only did that for awhile when I was off the Topomax for several days. I really do have a bad case of Binge Eating Disorder when I'm not on the Topomax but I was trying to do some other things when I didn't have the med, too. I was trying to stay out of the kitchen and not stay up late eating and take my sleeping meds on time and go to sleep on time.

I also do not buy any food to binge on. When at the store I often see the bakery items when I first go into the store and I look at them and then I avert my eyes over to the fruit which is better for me because I don't need all that sugar in bakery and I think natural sugars are better for me. I don't go in the aisles with all the cookies and cereals because those are things I used to binge out on. It really isn't hard to steer away from these things.

I will go for an ice cream at times with my dog and just get her a cone and me a dish of it at BK.

I feel like I have been given back the ability to eat like "normal" people do. The Topomax has really helped, so has not buying binge foods.

I also have done some work on my own about an abuse issue and it started as a dream and turned into an opportunity for me to use the aftermath of a dream and rid myself of some feelings of terror I had from what someone had done to me some 30 or so years ago. It was so freeing! I will write about it some other time and put a trigger warning on it.

[LucyD]

Trigger for nightmares, evil spirits/negative feelings, abuse:

Possible trigger:

There is this man from over 30 years ago who intimidated me badly and through all of his abusive actions of many kinds put a lot of terror into me that I had with me for over 30 years.

I had been checking the death registries every few years to see if he was still alive as I thought all along that he could come after me again that's how bad he was to me and how bad he was. Over all the times I searched the death registries he was not dead.

One day I ran across his daughter on Facebook and saw that she had recent pictures of him on her page. I wondered if after all these years if he had changed. Could he have? I hoped he would have for once in my life. I had some drinks one night and friend requested her on FB. She accepted and she must have remembered me because she told her father and then she requested my phone number because he wanted to talk to me. I didn't know what to do or think but he also left his phone number. So I drank some wine and got my courage to call him and found he was just as mean and ornery and intimidating as always even though he said thank you a few times which was something new. As a result of me calling him, he had my phone number and continued to call me and he told me he had Stage 4 cancer and wanted Hospice and bring it on! I told him what hospice was like because my mom went through it and tried to be nice to him hoping he would be nice to me but then he said something very intimidating to me about how someone could hurt my dog and me. The way he put it was very scary and it brought back flashbacks of what he did to me. Then I put his phone number on my special call feature that does not allow the call to go through to me. I left his phone number on there.

I continued to see him on FB with his daughter and then how he had gone into the hospice home. About 3 weeks ago on her FB page she announced he had died. That night of his death I had a horrible nightmare:

I was laying on the couch and I could see myself lying on the couch and the man's spirit entered my apartment and was trying to enter my body and my dog's, I saw it as an evil spirit trying to enter me and then it changed and I woke half way and I felt this really intense terror that was laying atop my stomach yellow ball of terror/fear that had been in me for all of these years (over 30 years). As this happened I was awake and the fear/terror left me. It is gone now. I am no longer terrified.

I have been thinking about what happened and some of the explanations sound crazier than what I just wrote. But that terror has left me and the relaxation I feel now is real.

[LucyD]

It is Friday August 12. Was really sick for all of yesterday. Must have been a 24 hour bug; I was shaking and had chills and was sick to my stomach. So I ate 2 pieces of wheat toast and went to sleep for about 24 hours except getting up to feed my pets. Not feeling totally better yet but lots better still.

I wonder where everyone has gone? You don't have to be afraid to post here whenever you feel like it.

I had a real good meal last night with sliced onion, sliced mushrooms, sliced red pepper, sliced carrots, cut up tofu and stir fried it all. Trying to eat nutritious food like veggies and fruit. Haven't had meat in a week or so. Don't know if I will go back to it or not but am enjoying the things I am eating now. I like to cook, too. I used lemon pepper spice on the stir fry and it was so good!

[joshuas-mommy]

Originally Posted by LucyD

It is Friday August 12. Was really sick for all of yesterday. Must have been a 24 hour bug; I was shaking and had chills and was sick to my stomach. So I ate 2 pieces of wheat toast and went to sleep for about 24 hours except getting up to feed my pets. Not feeling totally better yet but lots better still.

I wonder where everyone has gone? You don't have to be afraid to post here whenever you feel like it.

I had a real good meal last night with sliced onion, sliced mushrooms, sliced red pepper, sliced carrots, cut up tofu and stir fried it all. Trying to eat nutritious food like veggies and fruit. Haven't had meat in a week or so. Don't know if I will go back to it or not but am enjoying the things I am eating now. I like to cook, too. I used lemon pepper spice on the stir fry and it was so good!

You sound like you are eating healthy.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by joshuas-mommy

You sound like you are eating healthy.

Yes, trying to. I cooked up a storm today. I had this cabbage I was afraid would go bad so I cooked the whole thing. I steamed part of it and stir fried part with onions and a little tofu and lemon pepper spice. Then I cooked a large sweet potato-boiled it for about 25 minutes with the skin on. I couldn't eat all I made so Suzy dog had some, too, and I had to throw some out and put some in the frig. too. I am full now. I only threw out part of the sweet potato because I don't think it tastes good reheated.

Also had quinoa today with a little butter and salt on it. It's something new(for me) that I've been having and it has lots of protein in it.

I've cut down the wine to having 1 or 2 glasses when I have it. Having more than that before was keeping me from losing weight and I am overweight.

[LucyD]

Since this is a thread for all Eating Disorders I thought I'd post some links:

Here is one for information on Anorexia Nervosa:
About Anorexia: Signs, Symptoms, Causes & Articles For Treatment Help

[LucyD]

Information on Binge Eating Disorder:

What is Binge Eating Disorder?

[LucyD]

Information on Bulimia Nervosa:

Symptoms and causes - Bulimia nervosa - Mayo Clinic

[joshuas-mommy]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Information on Bulimia Nervosa:

Symptoms and causes - Bulimia nervosa - Mayo Clinic

I used to have bulimia, but I got over it.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by joshuas-mommy

I used to have bulimia, but I got over it.

I used to have it, too. I got over it but tried to start it again many years later and I no longer could make myself throw up. So there is no going back to it.

[joshuas-mommy]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I used to have it, too. I got over it but tried to start it again many years later and I no longer could make myself throw up. So there is no going back to it.

I used to eat a lot and then starve myself for a couple weeks. I would also take OTC meds to clean out all the food I binged on. It was a horrible cycle to be in. It is much better to eat small meals throughout the day, but I am too fat to eat. Sometimes I will put food in my mouth and chew it, then spit it out.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by joshuas-mommy

I used to eat a lot and then starve myself for a couple weeks. It was a horrible cycle to be in.

I used to take diet pills both prescription I'd buy from someone or OTC and would hardly eat; I remember almost passing out from lack of food. Not a good way to control weight. I'm glad I'm not doing that any more. That was many many years ago.

[joshuas-mommy]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I used to take diet pills both prescription I'd buy from someone or OTC and would hardly eat; I remember almost passing out from lack of food. Not a good way to control weight. I'm glad I'm not doing that any more. That was many many years ago.

I am glad that you are not doing that anymore. I think it causes depression. I used to take diet pills when I was a kid. I was really thin.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by joshuas-mommy

I am glad that you are not doing that anymore. I think it causes depression. I used to take diet pills when I was a kid. I was really thin.

I agree coming down off diet pills gets you down. I was thin, too, when I was a teen.

I didn't eat vegan today; had a cheeseburger and a few fries and threw the rest of the fries out. Also had this apple pie thingy and it didn't taste that good. None of it tasted very good. Don't know why I got it maybe because it was a deal. lol. I have to remember not to get those crappy deals. I like the food I cook better.

[eskielover]

I like the food I cook better.

I agree with you.....the only problem I find is that living alone, there are times when I just don't even feel like cooking & if I don't have something really easy to throw together that doesn't make a mess, I end up NOT eating rather than making a mess if I'm really tired or have been so busy cleaning that I don't want to make a mess again.

I've been throwing easy things together like a bag of thawed frozen peas with sour cream, & mayo with dill weed & shredded cheese. Many times that just becomes my meal or canteloupe with cottage cheese (the Daisy brand that has no additives). Trying to eat healthy with the good pure foods.....but in this hot weather I just don't even feel like making much of anything so salads that are really easy to throw together at least give me something to eat.

Toast with cashew butter & honey or organic oatmeal are some of my easy breakfast foods. Working on my farm actually has made me hungry for the first time in a long time.....this is a good thing because after my last battle with anorexia while going through a trauma, I never seemed to feel hungry for years & it does take doing physical work to make me hungry

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I agree with you.....the only problem I find is that living alone, there are times when I just don't even feel like cooking & if I don't have something really easy to throw together that doesn't make a mess, I end up NOT eating rather than making a mess if I'm really tired or have been so busy cleaning that I don't want to make a mess again.

I've been throwing easy things together like a bag of thawed frozen peas with sour cream, & mayo with dill weed & shredded cheese. Many times that just becomes my meal or canteloupe with cottage cheese (the Daisy brand that has no additives). Trying to eat healthy with the good pure foods.....but in this hot weather I just don't even feel like making much of anything so salads that are really easy to throw together at least give me something to eat.

Toast with cashew butter & honey or organic oatmeal are some of my easy breakfast foods. Working on my farm actually has made me hungry for the first time in a long time.....this is a good thing because after my last battle with anorexia while going through a trauma, I never seemed to feel hungry for years & it does take doing physical work to make me hungry

It's good to eat what you like. I think it's important to eat what you like then you will be satisfied. I don't always feel hungry either but then my mind tells me it's time to eat if I haven't eaten most of the day. That toast with cashew butter sounds so good!! I need to get some more breakfast foods. What do you do on the farm? Do you have horses?

[LucyD]

My bird was very sick and I had to take him to the Vet this morning. Vet gave him a shot and meds for 2 weeks. He is singing again!! Whew! I was so worried about the little guy. Then I got a call this morning from the place I got my car repaired at last week. They had a monthly drawing and put the customers names in something and I was one of the winners of a 40 inch flat screen tv!! So I picked that up today. It's still in my trunk. I have to find someone to help me install it and get my old very heavy tv out of here. This day has not been so bad after all. My baby birdie is doing better but I am still looking out for him as he has to be on meds for 2 weeks yet. He lost some weight and that's not good for a little keet. Hopefully he will gain his weight back and be okay.

I ate BK today. Tomorrow I'm going back to my own cooking. I don't do as well when I eat fast food but I guess I had to learn that lesson again. lol.