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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: n/a
Posts: 98
5 73 hugs
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#1
Ate with coworkers at lunch, even if it was just a small salad and tin of salmon. Luckily no one judges in that space That's really cool.
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LucyD
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,779
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.4k hugs
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#2
Trying to get back on track... realized I need to eat and that the restricting just perpetuates the eventual bingeing and purging. I see my nutritionist next week
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,907
6 78 hugs
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#3
Seeing a new T in around a half hour. Not going to mention ED if I can help it. That’s seems to put therapists off taking me on if they are not ED specialists. Right now damn bipolar racing thoughts & anxiety are #1 issues. I changed my top though. The tank top I put on today showed too many bones. Put on jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. ED hopefully looks much less obvious.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
eskielover, LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,907
6 78 hugs
given |
#4
H told me today he believes I have bipolar and I have PTSD and panic disorder by not an ED. WTF? Of course, I have the type of anorexia that's easiest to hide, the type where people think you just exercise too much, that's all. You can stop any time you want. ED thoughts shouldn't guilt a person with purging type anorexia, especially if the purging is done in the form of overexercise?! I am skin & bones. He'd flip if he knew the number on the scale. Still I continue the charade.
Have been this weight several months but had a little scale drop today. I think I dehydrated myself yesterday running too much...(and in the background, the ED cheers, even if it's just water weight). __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost Last edited by Blueberrybook; Sep 14, 2018 at 08:19 PM.. |
LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
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#5
This eating is a struggle for all of us here I see. I go from not wanting to eat at all to binging on a box of crackers. Why so extreme I wonder. I guess I need to find the happy middle of eating. I really have little appetite today. Didn't eat as many crackers as yesterday and they aren't high in calories. I hate the scale but am obsessed with using it much of the time. I need to try and just weigh myself once a week or month even. I watch every pound go up and down. I used to be bulimic years ago but it won't work anymore and now I won't even try because blood could come up my esophagus from the cirrhosis. Oh, what a life this is. I was so very depressed today I just kept going back to sleep. Everything shuts off when sleeping.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,907
6 78 hugs
given |
#6
Got attacked by someone on the bipolar board for telling someone who kept repeating ED stuff to take it to the ED board...it doesn't really belong on BP and it is triggering for people who are BP with EDs.
Saw a new T today. I haven't actually been in therapy awhile, not for ED's or anything else like bipolar racing thoughts or needing better coping mechanisms outside of exercise. She seems nice and said she'd take me on. Granted, I did tell her I was only going to therapy at this moment in time because of my CPS case, but I would have tried again eventually. I always do. It's a pattern. I guess it's been around a year, year & a half since I tried therapy. The best news is the new T practices basically a 5 minute drive from my house, which is so much easier than having to drive 30-45 minutes every week to see a T, especially if driving makes you anxious & causes you to have panic attacks. I never knew there was a T so close, but she borrows space at a storefront in a nearby shopping center, which explains how I never knew there was a practicing T nearby. We did touch some on the ED stuff. I was holding my breath there because once some T's hear ED, they are done with you and don't want to take you on, but she said she's fine working with me and uses CBT mostly. I have a lot of issues to work on; needing better coping mechanisms for stress instead of just exercise, bipolar racing thoughts, self-esteem that's in the ditch, having no friends, the ED (which I think goes back to child molestation as well as being raised by an angry, overbearing father). Made an appointment for next week, and I hope she'll work out. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
eskielover, LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#7
Glad you got a new t who accepts you as you are! That's always promising.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,259
12 20 hugs
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#8
gained weight too fat need to loses it want to stop eating but my husband will make me eat
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LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,907
6 78 hugs
given |
#9
I ran this morning, but not as far as I have been running lately. I feel like I should have run more. I'm mad at myself about it.
Low numbers on the scale made the ED happy. I need to just throw out the damn scale...It is so stupid to tie your self-worth some random number that pops up in the morning. If it's lower or the same as yesterday, I feel good. If it's higher, I hate myself. I tend to force myself to run longer distances. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#11
yesterday I had a really disgusting meal and it is still making me gag when I try to eat things
I managed to keep breakfast down, though I feel a bit sick- you'd think this would be an opportunity not to overeat, but no.... right back at it |
LucyD
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,779
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.4k hugs
given |
#12
I am so disgusted with myself
Possible trigger:
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#13
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: London area UK
Posts: 152
5 29 hugs
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#14
I'm trying to rebalance as my period has made me gain. Still very underweight, but you know how it is.
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 970
7 857 hugs
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#15
Horrible. I need salt for my medical conditions, but ed tx has always tried to tell me this is a product of mi.
...bht its not. Didn't have enough sodium yesterday, and bp is 78/55. I just need a salty meal. I'm eating it. To heck with you guys. |
LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#16
Wish I could eat salty food. It tastes so good to me.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Gr3tta_0
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 970
7 857 hugs
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#17
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Oh dear, that is not intended negative at anyone here. Sorry. |
eskielover, LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#18
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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eskielover, gracebuttercup
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#19
My blood sugar number came down to not far from normal now. Made me feel somewhat better. The overcast day we are having has me feeling on the down side. It automatically does that to me. I don't feel like doing a thing!
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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eskielover
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Gr3tta_0
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,779
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.4k hugs
given |
#20
I'm doing well I haven't binged or purged in over a week. I'm actually keeping myself super occupied with college and other things so I don't have time to obsess about food and my weight
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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LucyD
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Gr3tta_0, may24
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Closed Thread |
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