[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

If my neighbors see me, I bet they think I'm completely crazy. I go outside in my yard area at midnight & jump rope. If there was lights, I'd go running again at night here, on the dirt road I use as my track. I'm really addicted to running now. I think I started about 1 year ago. I got hooked on exercise after I quit alcohol. I always switch addictions, it seems.

My neighbors thought similar when I was in college. I had an upstairs apartment; they lived below me. I'd be doing aerobics at 3 AM. They said something a time or 2 to me. Fortunately, they were college kids, didn't complain to the management.

People currently in my neighborhood probably think I'm crazy, a risk-taker, or a marathon runner. I will be outside running, sometimes as early as 4 AM, usually by 5 AM weekdays and then again after I take my daughter to school at 8 AM. I just can't stop though I need to.

[Blueberrybook]

Ate better today, but I ran way too much.

Ran so much the skin is peeling off the last 2 toes of both feet, horrid blisters there too. It hurts so much to walk in any type of shoe. Took Tylenol, but it didn't help a bit. Really want to take an NSAID but can't after that stupid perforated ulcer.

I don't know how I am going to make it through Halloween. It is already wet & rainy, so that is miserable enough. I want to be there for H to take our daughter because he is super-stressed, but shoes & walking hurts so much. H has one opportunity to impress and convince a university department to hire him & on a tenure track (professor retiring). Electrical engineering wanted to hire him, but they don't have the money & are suggesting him to this position for mechanical engineering. But the thing is, H's PhD is in Physical Chemistry. Though he can do mechanical engineering and has taught at-risk high schoolers physics for 4 years (a lot of the type of students this university gets). He knows all about computer modelling, CAD drawing, mechanics, making things work, he just lacks the right degree. And the department had some recent state audit that looks not just at the books but that made the engineering department look bad for having a bad student to professor ratio and not a single native American-born professor (no matter the race) in the department, which has a majority of students from the U.S. All these professors have a departmental thing Friday afternoon. They want H there and to try to sell himself to mech. engineering. He's got to put together all his various experiences from making a nanotube reactor in grad school to work with NASA contractors, to doing algorithms for a failed startup company to high school teaching and his various computer & high math skills (he is certified to teach high school math & computer science, and apparently the math test is a bear to pass).

But H only found out about this yesterday, and it's an all-or-nothing thing. So he is stressed too. I really, really hope he gets this job. It would mean a move, but I don't care, tenure track at a university has been his dream job since obtaining a PhD.

So I'd feel terrible if he took our daughter trick-or-treating alone, especially without a change of clothes, panties, pads, being able to help her in the restroom should she have an accident. He does not know how to handle this sort of situation. He doesn't even like to have sex when I'm on my period unless it is in the shower (sorry, TMI).

[LucyD]

Feeling kind of tired and down today, maybe it's the gloomy weather plus I went back to my normal dosage of Risperdal. I had been having so many crazy OCD thoughts that were driving me up the wall, the kind about disasters happening with everything and also just plain worry about everything under the sun it seems. Then all the other OCD thoughts were troubling me, too. The Risperdal helped calm my mind but now I feel tired. Oh well.

I don't feel very hungry today and am glad for that actually. I'm afraid to weigh myself as I've been eating a bit more but actually a normal amount; had been practically starving myself with this Diabetic diet. So what if my weight loss will be slower--can't lose it all in one day. I just was worried also about what my doctor will think if I haven't lost a certain amount. I will see him on 11/15. I managed to do a little exercise last night. I put youtube exercise videos on. Many of them are too strenuous for me. So, I did easy ones, and at least I got a bit of exercise plus I walk the dog.

Not going out tonight because it's Halloween and I'm afraid of going out there with the dog tonight. There are so many kooky people now a days and I fear for her. I'm also afraid of coyotes coming after my dog. I love her so much and could not stand to have anything happen to her. We will go out tomorrow again. We did go out earlier today.

[Blueberrybook]

Ate better today. Didn't exercise. Feel guilty about it though. Why does it feel bad when we treat ourselves the way we are supposed to? I would tell any other person in my shoes to eat more and stop exercising so much, and yet I can't do it for myself...sigh.

Pretty tired this afternoon. Can't concentrate on much.

[shovelhead]

Reached my UGW today. Going 5 lbs. lower.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ate better today. Didn't exercise. Feel guilty about it though. Why does it feel bad when we treat ourselves the way we are supposed to? I would tell any other person in my shoes to eat more and stop exercising so much, and yet I can't do it for myself...sigh.

Pretty tired this afternoon. Can't concentrate on much.

I often feel guilty after I eat, too. Even when I don't eat the wrong things. Sometimes, too, I wish I could still purge like I used to but tried many times and it won't work any more. Haven't tried recently, though, because it can throw the blood sugar number off.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

Reached my UGW today. Going 5 lbs. lower.

What does UGW stand for?

[eskielover]

UGW= Ultimate Goal Weight (I had to look it up too )

[LucyD]

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

[shovelhead]

Yesterday & today so far I've only consumed radishes for my meals. I like salad dressing as dip. I'm really into raw vegetables, for a while now. I've had zero appetite, so I run with it. Tonight I'm going to eat a good meal, tho.

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

I'm so sorry. If u need someone to chat with, let me know. I just popped on here quick. Please feel better soon. Sending positive vibes to u

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Not doing well at all. PTSD and OCD symptoms have gone totally off the chart. Had to call a hotline for urgent help. Trying to do what was suggested but can't.

Has something in your life triggered this? (You don't have to answer me but maybe just an awareness that might help yourself?)

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

I'm so sorry. If u need someone to chat with, let me know. I just popped on here quick. Please feel better soon. Sending positive vibes to u

Thanks, feeling a bit better, been taking half a riperdal about every 8 hours and then going to sleep for a few hours at a time. Seems to be helping some. I've just been very stressed. I appreciate the concern. I'm very alone in this world. I will pm you some time.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Has something in your life triggered this? (You don't have to answer me but maybe just an awareness that might help yourself?)

I think all the stress of illnesses and problems with neighbors and then a mammogram all got to me at once. Found out the mammogram was okay just a few minutes ago so that is good. My mom died of breast cancer and I worry too much since she was near my age when diagnosed. Also waiting for my problematic neighbors to move, heard they were. They have been tormenting me for months. Long story but when they move I will have a great relief. And dealing with health issues has been stressuful. I am not taking an antidepressant at this time but need one and am going to see if I can get into the doctor more soon, or I have to wait to the 29th.Thanks for your concern.

[Blue_Bird]

Have had a low mood the past couple days but it's starting to improve. It could be because I missed my morning meds for a few days in a row. My eating has actually been okay though. I'm beginning to work through my DBT for Bulimia book. I enjoy learning new coping skills, meditation, mindfulness stuff. I find it extremely helpful.

I bought a wax melter and have a ton of scented waxes, I've been using that and I really love it. It's super relaxing and it actually helps keeps my appetite from controlling me somehow. Aromatherapy seems to be very effective. I also bought a tea kettle and have been drinking some different teas, peppermint, berry herbal, Irish breakfast. The process of making it then sitting down with the warm drink and sipping it is relaxing and stress reducing. I can focus my mind on the taste/temp of the drink and health benefits of tea.

Ordered a worry stone. I used to have the exact one I ordered and I loved it so much. I lost it and spent like a year looking for it convinced it was somewhere in my apartment when I finally gave up and realized I had literally looked in every single possible space/cranny of this place and it was nowhere to be found. So I ordered another yesterday. It was my favorite, it is moss agate and very smooth, small. Perfect for me


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Thanks, feeling a bit better, been taking half a riperdal about every 8 hours and then going to sleep for a few hours at a time. Seems to be helping some. I've just been very stressed. I appreciate the concern. I'm very alone in this world. I will pm you some time.

Hey anytime! U made me feel welcome here, that's for sure! Sleep can work wonders. Hopefully no nightmares & stuff like that. Stress is wicked when it hits full-blast. It's just awful. I used to have crippling OCD & I'm pretty sure I have PTSD. I hope u sleep well

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

Hey anytime! U made me feel welcome here, that's for sure! Sleep can work wonders. Hopefully no nightmares & stuff like that. Stress is wicked when it hits full-blast. It's just awful. I used to have crippling OCD & I'm pretty sure I have PTSD. I hope u sleep well

I still have bad ocd and ptsd. I slept so much yesterday that I stayed up all night doing laundry. Really needed to get that done. I had some very relaxing, pleasant sleep, thank you.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Have had a low mood the past couple days but it's starting to improve. It could be because I missed my morning meds for a few days in a row. My eating has actually been okay though. I'm beginning to work through my DBT for Bulimia book. I enjoy learning new coping skills, meditation, mindfulness stuff. I find it extremely helpful.

I bought a wax melter and have a ton of scented waxes, I've been using that and I really love it. It's super relaxing and it actually helps keeps my appetite from controlling me somehow. Aromatherapy seems to be very effective. I also bought a tea kettle and have been drinking some different teas, peppermint, berry herbal, Irish breakfast. The process of making it then sitting down with the warm drink and sipping it is relaxing and stress reducing. I can focus my mind on the taste/temp of the drink and health benefits of tea.

Ordered a worry stone. I used to have the exact one I ordered and I loved it so much. I lost it and spent like a year looking for it convinced it was somewhere in my apartment when I finally gave up and realized I had literally looked in every single possible space/cranny of this place and it was nowhere to be found. So I ordered another yesterday. It was my favorite, it is moss agate and very smooth, small. Perfect for me


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

That workbook sounds wonderful! I wonder if it would help me, too. Glad you will get yourself another worrystone.

New thread is here Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2