[zombiette]

ok, so i'm having a few issues at the moment...i've basically spent the past couple of months far too preoccupied w/food for my liking...not what u'd call an eating disorder, not by a long shot, but just stuff that sets off warning bells for me b/c i used to be severely anorexic...it's all been quite subtle...like reading labels and then making my choices for lunch based on a 20 calorie difference, and putting off eating for an hour, when taking forever to decide what i am going to have to eat...not good. so i saw my old T yesterday...and it's shaken me up. probably not her fault, nor mine, but it's shaken me up all the same (tho i did eat like a normal person today so i guess that's all good!). and for some reason i feel quite angry at her right now b/c she challenged me on the way i've been thinking, and i was like i know it's illogical for me to think like that, i know my conclusions about myself are irrational I ALREADY KNOW THAT!!! but what do i do about it? i'm sick of "working on it"...and i'm not talking about eating habits here, i'm talking about myself and issues with love, life and the world in general!! i feel like a failure that i have slipped back into old ways of thinking, old ways of coping, etc. i was recently doing so well. i was on prozac for 18months but then i went off it and i wonder now that these issues are starting to crop up again, now that i feel so alone and confused that i should go back on it, but i don't want to b/c of sum side effects it had last tym and just the fact that in sum ways i don't feel that any therapy or drug can fix whatever it is about me, whatever was wrong with me to begin with...but the beginning was so very long ago...i feel like it's too late, much too early in my life it was already too late...like a car that's been in a wreck and it got fixed but never quite worked the same. i feel like such an idiot saying this, i'm not even sure if this is in the right thread anymore, but...i just feel so empty and aimless...

[inkblot]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{zombiette}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know how you feel.

[Direction]

Sorry this has you all worked up...

Your wondering about going off a med may be worth looking into...hard to say if connected or not...

I think it isn't much of a prairie meadow out there...I think it is full of cliffs and mountains...

It sounds like you are becoming more aware of thoughts that could be an issue...recognizing this is actually a really big success and not a failure...Not sure if this is the first time or if you've caught it before...but I do applaud you for that realization.

[eskielover]

In some ways it sounds like you are in a good place...instead of your T needing to tell you what is is that is going on with you.....like at the beginning....now you need your T to help you fix what you know is happening.

The first step is where you sound like you are right now....recognizing what you are feeling & thinking....most people go to a T not being able to even do that, so you have already taken the first step. It is important to communicate to your T where you are, so that she knows. Unless we communicate with them & let them know where we are, they can only guess & we can't be mad at them if they are only guessing because we didn't communicate.

Before your next appointment, try to put your thoughts together & let your T know that you need to work on the love, life, & world in general issues....because if you work on those issues, the other issue might not be an issue at all.

I know when I went through the horrible trauma with the ID theft & abuse of my Mother before she died, I couldn't eat & was in the hospital being treated for anorexia with IV nutrition. The anorexia wasn't anorexia...it was a reaction to the stress & trauma I went through & until that was being worked on & acknoweledged that it was what I was having problems with, the eating wouldn't go away. Unfortunately, the Dr's want to fix what is obvious....not the underlying issues that are the cause.

We need to help them get there & it takes work on our part because without some insight, they have no idea that there is anything else underlying what they see & then all they can do is assume that is what the problem is.

Hope I have made some sense,
Debbie

[sapphireangel]

Do you think you might try a different med? Sometimes that helps. In the meantime, it sounds like you are making a bit of progress with your thoughts. Maybe you need a new therapist to help you seek the help and clarity with your self esteem issues. Sometimes a different view and type of therapy could be the answer you need. Then again, maybe you can ask your therapist about trying something new...
Hang in there, self-esteem and eating disorders can be over come and dealt with. It will never be easy, but don't let it defeat you. Sounds like you have a strong inner core, that got you where you needed before, just try to get beyond that point again, but this time, dig a little deeper and you will succeed.
Belive in youself...

Sapphireangel

[sapphireangel]

I hope you don't think I was being to caviler with my comments. I have trouble with food. I eat when I am upset. So, I do understand food issues. I really wish the best for you.
Regards,
Sapphireangel

[zombiette]

thanks for your comments everyone, am doing much better now than when i last posted...have appt w/T next week and am thinking a lot more clearly now so hopefully i will be able to express myself better this time!