Disconnect to recovery

Hi, lately I feel kinda lost. I have been out of treatment for 3 months and I feel like this is such a odd stage of recovery. I was at a great treatment center for over a year and I’m not sure if it’s that just now the transition is affecting me or what’s going on. I was doing quite well. Only a few mild ED thoughts a week. My team believes in me, so much that my therapist felt comfortable not having weekly sessions anymore and my dietician felt comfortable only seeing me once a month.

When you’re in treatment you don’t for second think, what should I be doing because they’re constantly telling you. Now I ask myself that question. And a few weeks ago I came to the conclusion(and maybe I was in clean mind) that I don’t have to do all this work constantly. “I’m better now”. I think I want so badly to just be done and completely better and when things are so mild it’s easy to convince myself this is true. But then I have my bad days and something happens and I grieve because I know I’m not. I think I want so badly to be normal but at the same time I felt like I was just done with it all. This is a new sensation for me because im known as someone who is fiercely in recovery and will do whatever it takes, but now I guess I just don’t feel connected to recovery and feel a little lost.

I hope someone can relate to this and that it made sense.