[Siennasays]

I just need to vent. Today is just not a good day for me.
I'm so over food controlling me. I eat constantly, hide trash, feel sick...and all I want is to be my old self. I've gained 100lbs since I had my daughter 4 years ago. Im depressed, high blood pressure, and every year at my doctor appointment I'm scared she will say I've developed diabetes. How is this not enough to make me change?! Ioined weight watchers, but, I never last long and I just skip the meetings when I know I haven't lost.
Annnnd, I have nothing else to say. Just needed to get it out there.

[eskielover]

Do you work?....do you have anything to focus on other than food (& obviously your daughter)?

When I was pregnant I was so determined not to gain weight that I banished all junk food from the house. I swam almost every day. I even went downhill skiing the week before I had my daughter. It took mental toughness & determination. I was also busy working on my BS degree ehich I got 10 months after my daughter was born. I didn't have time to even think about food. I had 3 job offers before graduation & started working at my computer career the week after graduation.

My first career position was in Westwood Ca where there were wonderful restaurants. We enjoyed going out to eat BUT the rest of the week we all played racquetball at the gym the company paid membership for. I spent most if my career playing ravquetball at lunch so when I did splurge & eat out it had little effect on my weight.

I was so busy on my my work projects that I had no time for anything but a quick bite to eat & I did music (played my flute) & performances with groups in all my spare time along with keeping my house & marriage going & continually fixing the messes my H made. I was also treasurer for many years in the HOA where we lived & was always dealing wuth problems from that.

I never had time to think about food or eat anything other that what I needed to just keep functioning.....but it definitely kept me from having time to binge of any foods.

Just a thought.....MAYBE you have way too much time to dedicate to food in your life....though I have no idea what you are actually involved with in your life

[Siennasays]

I appreciate the thought. I actually do work full time. And I keep busy with various commitments. It doesn't help ..it's like it's constantly on my mind. I could probably liken eating to drugs, and getting a fix. Near the end of my work day, I'm focusing on where I'm going to get my next fix. If I have a late work day, I drop my daughter off at school and head to the grocery store to grab enough food for a small army that I'll go home and consume before leaving for work. I'm constantly tired and feeling sick. I hide things from my husband - trash, bills. I spend so much focus on feeding my child healthy so she doesn't end up like me. I'm just so over it, I don't know what it'll take for that switch to flip so I think "Ok, it's time for a change".

[eskielover]

I understand what you are experiencing since you are more than busy.....food sounds like the one thing that gives you a feeling of comfort even though it makes you feel sick.

Growing up did you ever have to do without food that makes it kind of a feeling of security to have it now? (Just a thought)

[nikon]

i have had some similar experiences and i know it is extremely painful. i've never been to weight watchers, but i used to over-exercise to compensate for the way i binged. it was a vicious cycle. maybe your relationship with food needs to be "normalised" before you can focus on actually losing weight. do you see a therapist or counsellor?

[Sleepaddict]

I have found that dieting increases my binges. I am in recovery bulimia. I am trying the no diet eat what you want nothing is taboo. Its been 2 months no B/P. Cravings are way way down and when i do eat my portions are getting smaller because i can have it again tomorrow if i want it. Its liberating! A good book to Read Brain over Binge

[Blueberrybook]

I'm so sorry