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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
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#181
I think I have to take into account that I have had bulimia disorder and binge eating disorder and not be so hard on myself. Sometimes I feel so compulsive about eating and for my disorder that is normal. I wanted to buy snack food like bags of cheetos and chips and likewise stuff but have not. They are what always puts weight on me and I have been taking that into account lately. The holidays for me are not times to try and lose weight and it has always been that way; hard to change old habits. I feel so deprived if I don't chow down a bit during these times. I had a normal meal today and a BK meal with a desert. Not as if I ate the whole store. So, I can feel okay with myself. I've been walking past the pastries and nuts in the store at least and the snacks. Have to find ways to feel better about myself.
I think we are all good people with eating problems and ways we view ourselves. Not a reason to beat the hell out of ourselves; after all we are not horrible ax murderers...lol __________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,271
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.8k hugs
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#182
That's great that you're not upset about yourself and were able to ignore the temptation of the pastry section of the grocery store. That's actually a big achievement
, The bakery section of grocery stores is are so alluring I got to the point where I wouldn't even stop in that area and just "look" cause it always led to me buying desserts lol __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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LucyD
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LucyD
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,376
(SuperPoster!)
7 189 hugs
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#183
I increased my jumprope 1 more set, today.
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LucyD
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Blue_Bird
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,376
(SuperPoster!)
7 189 hugs
given |
#184
Quote:
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LucyD
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LucyD
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Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: up above the world
Posts: 128
5 55 hugs
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#185
Here we go again... I really need to understand once and for all that losing weight takes time, patience and effort. It isn't a walk in the park. I gotta get my act together and do my best.
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LucyD
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LucyD, shovelhead
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,376
(SuperPoster!)
7 189 hugs
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#186
It really does & our bodies take real time to adapt. I think people give up when weight loss isn't magically quick & easy. Keep working! Your hard work WILL eventually give u results u want!
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LucyD
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LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#187
Still waiting for this problem at home to be resolved. Don't know why it's taking so long but it's making me crazy. Bought some cheese for the first time in a long time and it can be a binge food for me. Had too much of it today but tomorrow is another day, isn't it. It's so gloomy here today, too, the sky is so gray and rainy and there is a chill in the air. Just want to pull the covers over my head today!
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
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#188
I ran so much this morning...not good, but really the only time I've felt grounded today.
Lots of small things gone wrong, not to mention still upset that people on the BP forum could be so cruel as to tell a mother she does not deserve her child Probably the person wasn't a mom anyway and has no idea what it's like. And on top of that, the pediatrician is pretty sure my daughter has sensory processing disorder, which makes parenting harder. Unless you've been living my life, honestly, there is no call to judge whether or not I'm a good mom. And IDK, I had so many people telling me to go IP for this or that: I'm not suicidal; I am underweight, but not horribly; I'd be the fat person in an ED ward. I exercise too much, so do a lot of people. There were several people there telling me to go IP, not going themselves and oh, they routinely have hallucinations (it can be a part of bipolar), but I do not hallucinate at all. So people who regularly hallucinate are just OK, even deserving of their kids and I'm not? It doesn't follow. Sorry, still steamed about that. That post was very hurtful and just mean in a place that is supposed to be supportive. Had lots of small things go wrong today. I only had lunch around 2, had been going since 5 AM on peaches & cottage cheese. I had a refrigerator problem that really through off all my timetables, but hopefully, it will be OK now. Today my daughter has a practice for a math competition, so I don't pick her up until 5 PM. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
shovelhead
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#189
I have fallen into the pit of depression. I hope I come back out...
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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shovelhead
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#190
Quote:
If I could, I'd bury my head in the sand and not emerge until the end of January. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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LucyD
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LucyD
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,376
(SuperPoster!)
7 189 hugs
given |
#191
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LucyD
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LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#192
Quote:
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#193
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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shovelhead
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#194
Today has not been great ED-wise. Or maybe good recovery-type wise but not making the ED happy.
I ran half of what I usually run daily, so I feel guilty about that. This afternoon, I had a brownie as a snack along with breakfast and lunch. Now I keep wanting to hop on & off the scale even though I know the weight is really only accurate first thing in the morning. Guilt over eating 1 brownie is just dumb, especially when I do need to gain weight. In my head, I know this, but in my head, I also don't want this. Bipolar has been swinging up & down today. I've been in a mixed state a long time now, I think since the end of March. Most days, I have the manic & depressive closer together or even at the same time. Not sure why it is so distinctive today. Need to leave soon to see the T. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
shovelhead
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#195
You'll be missed, but I definitely understand. You have to put taking care of yourself first
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
shovelhead
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Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 432
8 57 hugs
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#196
Can't remember if I've ever posted on this particular thread. My ED is probably better than it's ever been, I only b/p during times of extreme stress, which sucks because finals week is coming up LOL. Hoping for the best tho. It used to be a hell of a lot worse
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shovelhead
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#197
Welcome, SVanThor Sorry about the b/p getting worse around finals. When I was in college and grad school, my ED always got worse around finals, journal publication (had to be ASAP for my professor), thesis defense, i was a mess.
Today I ran and ran and ran. It seemed to be the only way to get rid of the voices & memories in my head. (I am coming up on a very bad anniversary.) I dissociate A LOT while running, it's unsettling how much. Then, I eat pretty normally, but today, I know I couldn't come near making up the deficit being as I don't binge. I have the purging type anorexia but all the purging is through exercise so it's pretty much an invisible ED, H ignores it though lately since the pdoc has been getting on my case and certain days (depending on what I'm wearing), H will tell me to cut back on the exercise or eat more. My head knows I need to gain weight. The same crazy mind doesn't want to gain weight Time has gone by. I know H hasn't forgotten about this event, but I do think he may not realize I am near the anniversary. I need to say something, let him know, though I don't want my daughter knowing about it beyond something bad happened to me around this time of the year. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
SvanThor
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shovelhead, SvanThor
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,376
(SuperPoster!)
7 189 hugs
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#198
So I have muscles coming in from working out. I was looking at anatomy diagrams to figure out which muscles they are. Am I crazy to feel let down that I'm seeing muscles instead of bone? Seems a bit twisted to me, I don't know. I went serious low calorie today. No appetite. Just wanna lose more weight.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#199
Quote:
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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shovelhead
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,694
6 312 hugs
given |
#200
I went running in the morning, but by late morning, I was struggling with a stomach bug. I felt horrible and still do not feel great. I am sure the running didn't help it.
I have lots of bones the ED likes and could take all sorts of serious ED type pics especially in the right poses, which makes the ED happy, but all in all, is not good for me. Need to quit looking at bones when I dress & undress. I am really, really wanting to take triggering pictures of myself and have a difficult time restraining myself. So far, I have, but it is hard. I have to throw a meal together, and am very green around the gills. My daughter's choir has a singing engagement tonight, I hope I don't get sick. At least it is close to home. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen Last edited by Blueberrybook; Nov 29, 2018 at 09:09 PM.. |
shovelhead
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