Continued from here Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind.

I try ... I really do ...

[shovelhead]

Radishes for breakfast/lunch again. Well that will end since they're all gone now. I feel like eating something substantial now, as long as it's not using bread.

[Fuzzybear]

Trying to eat more like a panda
(And less like a polar bear )

[LucyD]

Hi. Surprised the old thread was closed but it must have been that time.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm doing good. Going grocery shopping later, planning on getting lots of fresh vegetable, haven't been eating anywhere near enough of them. I think I'll get salads, butternut squash, tomatoes, Brussels sprouts and fresh whole size carrots

I've been extremely lazy this week, which has meant I've not actually eaten much
I had a KFC on friday, and I had a halloween party food plate on wednesday- yes I've eaten some candy, but where I usually eat is currently filled witgh empty packets- still not bothered getting rid of them

[Blueberrybook]

Got dehydrated yesterday running and walking. It was cool weather, not humid for a change. Felt horrible yesterday and a lot of today. Still have an awful headache.

I am trying to drink lots of water. I am still dehydrated today as I weighed 5 lb less this morning than yesterday. Pdoc does not like this weight, so I am doing what I can to get it up before I see him on Wednesday.

Still feel guilty for not exercising today, and I know I need to only walk or not exercise for awhile, which sucks. All my anxiety goes into the exercise, the panic too.

I need to gain weigh. All of my pants are hanging down, and not even a belt helps. Now I regret getting rid of my skinny clothes...

Still can’t quit letting the stupid number on the scale dictate my life

So used to Chef Boyardee having nothing but tomato based pasta ... Today I found they have a rice with chicken and veggies ... A little bit healthier, I guess ... Got that and some apple sauce for to put in my lunch box this week ... I really do want to do better, but old habits are hard to break, especially when those things got you through the most awful ugliest childhood ever!

[Gr3tta_0]

I really dread the grocery store so much these days. I went today, but now i don't like anything i bought and feel like there's nothing to eat.
It's so difficult to find anything my wife can eat, i tend to shop to her restrictions, and end up with nothing i care to eat myself.
I am just over food. It can just go away.

[shovelhead]

I only ate 5 potato chips all day. My head is absolutely pounding. I will probably eat after doing my jumprope. I'm getting pretty hungry, now. But the headache hurts worse!

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

I really dread the grocery store so much these days. I went today, but now i don't like anything i bought and feel like there's nothing to eat.
It's so difficult to find anything my wife can eat, i tend to shop to her restrictions, and end up with nothing i care to eat myself.
I am just over food. It can just go away.

I hear u. Food is a huge nuisance to me. Grocery shopping is so freaking expensive, just getting dumb stuff u need..that isn't even food half the time. I hate how they have piles of baked sweet treats right when u enter store. Like frosted cupcakes, muffins, etc. Nobody is falling for it, geez.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

I hear u. Food is a huge nuisance to me. Grocery shopping is so freaking expensive, just getting dumb stuff u need..that isn't even food half the time. I hate how they have piles of baked sweet treats right when u enter store. Like frosted cupcakes, muffins, etc. Nobody is falling for it, geez.

I know what you mean, right before the produce I see all the cakes, pies, cookies, cheesecakes, pumpkin rolls, carrot cake rolls--as you see I have looked it over very well! LOL I have been skipping past it but not literally...on to the boring food! I'm not happy with what I eat much either. I have to restrict so much now a days. I am trying to look at it in a different way now, though, that food is just fuel to keep our bodies going and I'm doing that--fueling with just as much as I need at most times--sometimes I want to eat the whole world though of course. I actually ate some of my dog's peanut butter treats the other day...LOL

[shovelhead]

Feel a bit weak today since yesterday's meal ended up being 5 potato chips. I'm so crazy I think I just need to drink a few glasses of water. Headache still beating. I'm not hungry tho. And I'm not eating unless I am.

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I know what you mean, right before the produce I see all the cakes, pies, cookies, cheesecakes, pumpkin rolls, carrot cake rolls--as you see I have looked it over very well! LOL I have been skipping past it but not literally...on to the boring food! I'm not happy with what I eat much either. I have to restrict so much now a days. I am trying to look at it in a different way now, though, that food is just fuel to keep our bodies going and I'm doing that--fueling with just as much as I need at most times--sometimes I want to eat the whole world though of course. I actually ate some of my dog's peanut butter treats the other day...LOL

LMAO baby!!! About the doggy treats. Do intermittent fasting! It works like a Charm

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I know what you mean, right before the produce I see all the cakes, pies, cookies, cheesecakes, pumpkin rolls, carrot cake rolls--as you see I have looked it over very well! LOL I have been skipping past it but not literally...on to the boring food! I'm not happy with what I eat much either. I have to restrict so much now a days. I am trying to look at it in a different way now, though, that food is just fuel to keep our bodies going and I'm doing that--fueling with just as much as I need at most times--sometimes I want to eat the whole world though of course. I actually ate some of my dog's peanut butter treats the other day...LOL

Restricting is not good for you, you know that, even if you eat too much the day before. You just confuse your body and tend to slow your metabolism.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm a bit depressed (the bipolar; I have been off Wellbutrin 2 weeks, it's not going well). I ran this morning though I did avoid a 2nd run after dropping my daughter off at school even though I really wanted to run more. I feel guilty now.

I don't even know if this running is so much ED behavior as OCD compulsion, don't know how to tell the difference. Though I guess some of it is ED as I like knowing I've exercised so much I likely cannot eat enough in a day to make up for the calories burned by the exercise I do each day.

But the ED is weird this time around. Before, I'd set a goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set an even lower goal, and so on, never low enough. This time, I don't have a goal, just not to get above a certain weight and to maintain the weight I'm at. Which yes, is unhealthy but does not scream ED to everyone who sees me. Is that still ED behavior even though it is so different?

Though I do worry when I don't exercise that I will wake up morbidly obese the next day. I know that is not true. I have never been obese and maybe was about 5-10 lb. overweight in high school and that was with no exercise & eating whatever I wanted, not enough to get teased or made fun of for my weight. It is so stupid to worry as much as it as I do.

EDs just suck

filled up on biscuits

*sighs*

and I do sigh, since I only had them delivered this morning

they are now gone

[shovelhead]

I made the mistake of eating a tuna sandwich made with mayonnaise. The mayo contains eggs and my stomach is making crazy noises. I can't eat mayo, from now on. Sometimes dairy really bothers me. But other times, not at all. This is why I don't like eating. I'm always running the risk of being in pain. Stomach-wise. I'm done eating today.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Restricting is not good for you, you know that, even if you eat too much the day before. You just confuse your body and tend to slow your metabolism.

When I talk of restricting I am talking about the diabetic diet I have to do every day--it is very restrictive compared to what I used to eat. Sorry for the confusion. Not the same kind of restrictive I think you are thinking as it is enough food for a person to be healthy and lose a little.

[shovelhead]

I do intermittent fasting. Now I just went 18 hours. Time for some stupid food.
I'm not happy that I'm out of my healthy raw foods. I don't want to eat that leftover cheese ravioli. And feel sluggish & sleepy from that. That food will put me right to sleep..

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm a bit depressed (the bipolar; I have been off Wellbutrin 2 weeks, it's not going well). I ran this morning though I did avoid a 2nd run after dropping my daughter off at school even though I really wanted to run more. I feel guilty now.

I don't even know if this running is so much ED behavior as OCD compulsion, don't know how to tell the difference. Though I guess some of it is ED as I like knowing I've exercised so much I likely cannot eat enough in a day to make up for the calories burned by the exercise I do each day.

But the ED is weird this time around. Before, I'd set a goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set an even lower goal, and so on, never low enough. This time, I don't have a goal, just not to get above a certain weight and to maintain the weight I'm at. Which yes, is unhealthy but does not scream ED to everyone who sees me. Is that still ED behavior even though it is so different?

Though I do worry when I don't exercise that I will wake up morbidly obese the next day. I know that is not true. I have never been obese and maybe was about 5-10 lb. overweight in high school and that was with no exercise & eating whatever I wanted, not enough to get teased or made fun of for my weight. It is so stupid to worry as much as it as I do.

EDs just suck

HI! How are u doing, today? I go running too. I have OCD, too. My daily exercise does seem slightly like a compulsion to me. But I want to push myself to exercise, anyways. Cuz it's an outstanding habit! I didn't use to exercise at all. So if I compulsively do it now, I think it's a good thing. Anyways, nice to meet u here. Have a good day

[Blueberrybook]

Pdoc put me back on the Wellbutrin today. It messes with me a little (makes me randomly forget common words, spellings, phrases, being able to say what I mean in a manner that makes sense), but I will take it over the mind-numbing depression. The bipolar is mixed, so it is tricky.

I ran today, a lot. Ran in the early morning, ran again after dropping my daughter off at school.

Pdoc did not weigh me and is hopefully through with that as these past 10 years I've sort of drifted with the ED. I never want to gain weight, but I don't lose or gain much within a window of 7, 8 lb. maybe. New pdoc told me he spoke to my old pdoc (she's retiring, just working part-time, but they are in the same small clinic), and hopefully, she reassured him enough that while my weight is too low, it generally does not get scary low. There was only one occasion she was very worried & consulted a lot with my PCP, and that was right after an incident in a massage parlor. I think I just skipped IP on that one, but a month, month & a half, I was in a more stable place weightwise (though definitely not headwise).

The running is OCD and ED in one for me, I think. And it's my go-to coping mechanism. I also like being skinny, knowing I've run so much, I won't eat enough to cover all those calories burned.

I'm fine with my current weight, don't want to go lower and don't want to go higher. Just maintain.

And yet I keep running nearly every day. If it were a normal distance, that would be one thing, but I think the distance I run now, I could run a half marathon and do it easy. Actually, I could probably run a half marathon 5 or 6 days a week easily. So, yeah, definitely overexercising.

I've had compulsive exercise off and on since college. I think exercise is good but that compulsive exercise is not healthy. It takes away family time, it nearly dehydrated me to the point of passing out last Saturday, at some point, there is a place where it is just too much.

And yet, exercise is good for bipolar, good for fibromyalgia (though for that they tend to recommend walking). Some sunlight is good for you (but not too much for me; I burn easily).

I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 19, and I'm 40 now, will be 41 in January. I've now lived over half my life with this stupid ED.

another bad day

all I had motivation to do today is eat

bad really, but I am so not coping

[shovelhead]

I feel strange eating normally. I'm worried I had too many calories..