[Blue_Bird]

I

Possible trigger:

I restricted all day until I was lightheaded after being triggered by hearing my weight when I was at my doctor appointment today. I’m so frustrated and ambivalent about recovering. I feel like if I let my guard down for one second I’ll gain tons of weight. I can’t stop obsessing. I’m so tired of this. I have to reset my 10 day recovery streak in my app that tracks that

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finally the end of the week, so finally mcdonalds... the only food that fits well in my stomach these days..

[Deilla]

I overate last night. I was stressed.

I had my mcdonalds friday and it was really nice- especially nice not to end my meal with a stomach ache

yesterday I got a big delivery of halloween/ christmas candy, and considering my dinner was just a pizza that didn't agree with me, I overate quite a bit

was doing quite well until I overdid it on some chocolate

was feeling good, too. comfortable

why..

id like to be underweight again. but I traded AN for binge eating disorder. now that I'm no longer exercising the binging is calming down. still there but on a smaller scale. the mental hunger is out of control. now that I'm no longer exercising I have no goal in life and I'm very depressed. exercise was the only "healthy" outlet where I could push myself hard with "positive" outcomes. Although I may have an unhealthy relationship with exercise. Who knows?

seems like the only goal now in life is to get underweight again. If I can. I wonder if my eating issues caused my injuries that have stopped me exercising. If I permanently damaged my body. My insurance sucks. My doctor's appt is in freakin January so that won't address any of my current injury issues. I hate myself.

Going home in December and feeling pressure to lose weight before going back. Trying not to restrict too much because I don't want to binge. I'm tired of this.

[Deilla]

I did well today.

had some chocolate yesterday.

my dinner was disgusting. far too soft and chewy... almost broke my teeth on it

[Deilla]

I've done well. I've been cooking healthy meals.

I had KFC chicken yesterday

not too bad..

[MuddyBoots]

I did well over the weekend, but I'm back to restricting. My therapist kinda invalidated me because I told her I did well over the weekend, and she was all "well, now that the diet works you don't have to worry about that anymore." This is mindless rebellion, but I want to lose a boatload of weight to prove to her that her telling me to eat yogurt was not a cure.

probably postponing my marathon to march. what a waste of money. i'm stressed at the thought of having to eat a ton for it and prolonging what was going on for me this year. it was very hard and i'm just starting to feel like myself again

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling depressed and horrible so I've been binge eating past 2 days, everything. Lost count how many cartons of ice cream. Wish I knew an amazing way to be healthy mentally. Feel like 2 years of trauma therapy is failing me.

[Deilla]

I ate a little extra yesterday. I didn't want to end up hungry in the middle of the night. It worked. So I guess that was good.

I had my regular mcdonalds yesterday.

it was good

[Deilla]

I filled up on vegetables and rice cause I was really hungry.

[Mountaindewed]

I drank 2 bottles of light Body Armor and then I had 3 cans of zero sugar soda. So I got really full and unintentionally intentionally restricted today. What I did eat was super high in protein but low in carbs. My body needs bread daily. My last therapist said when I restrict I need to eat bread. And it’s kinda dumb but also kinda true. Now I’m having a minor food restriction related meltdown. It’s not as bad as some of the other ones I’ve had. I was going to eat dinner. My mom is getting really tired of my dieting and calorie talking. She says I should be focusing on recovering from surgery and not trying to lose weight right now.

I’m going to get Dennys for dinner. I’ll get the sirloin steak with dinner bread and vegetables as sides that I’ll eat Tomorrow. Although eating the vegetables wouldn’t be a big deal. But this way I can have both protein and bread. I’m still under for the day but whatever at this point. I’ll go to the bakery in the morning for bread.

[Mountaindewed]

I didn’t binge today. I ate more then usual but it still wasn’t an outrageous amount and most of it was healthy foods with protein. I had a total hysterectomy which meant my ovaries were removed. So I now need to be on my injections for the rest of my life. I can’t go off them even for medical reasons or it will cause even bigger problems because I don’t have estrogen in me anymore. So developing diabetes or high cholesterol again could be really bad for me. So it’s been freaking me out a bit and I’ve been trying to focus on healthy eating even when I do get hungry and over eat a little bit. I wanted to get some Cheetos macaroni and cheese from Walmart in the morning. I’m not sure I will. Or else I’ll just eat it in moderation. I had a regular soda today but only one. I had a couple zero sugar cans but I also had a lot of hot unsweetened tea. I meet with my new therapist tomorrow and the office claims she works with people with EDs. So hopefully she will help me figure things out. I still don’t think I have a full blown out problem though. Not saying it couldn’t get that way though.

[Deilla]

I haven't been that hungry lately.

[MuddyBoots]

Ate my three meals yesterday, therapist would say I'm cured again because yesterday I had cereal, a granola bar, and half a bowl of soup yesterday, there's your MFing three meals.