[unaluna]

Planning for next week: i ordered canned turkey, madras lentils, brown rice cups, lundgren black rice bags, and barilla ready noodles for my canned octopus already on hand. I still have canned beets, peppers, green beans lima beans, potatoes, and a couple of kimchi. And pineapple and grapefruit.

Goal is to get on a regular eating plan. Same times.

[Deilla]

I had a tiny piece of cheesecake today. First time to eat something with sugar in 3 months.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist and I are working out a plan to work on healthy weight loss and my doctor has been helping out as well. I haven’t been restricting these last couple days. Right now I could probably legit use a snack though. My therapist and doctor told me my goal weight is very reasonable. I think my other therapists were the ones without the knowledge. Not all weight loss is bad even if you don’t look overweight and are already at an ok weight.

[MuddyBoots]

I've been restricting. everything went black and then I dropped to my knees for a few seconds. No bueno. I can't say it's directly from the restricting though because I'm on a bunch of meds that can cause stuff like that, although I'm sure not eating isn't helping.

[Blue_Bird]

Binged/purged tonight

I almost always binge every time I go grocery shopping. I feel really bad tonight.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by sfogliatella

I almost always binge every time I go grocery shopping. I feel really bad tonight.

Thanks for saying this. I hate to admit it, but my first thought when anybody asks me how i survive without a car is, "what? I would just use it to go buy cake."

[SprinkL3]

The other day I discovered how well boat-shaped lettuce (packaged) works really well as taco shells. I used them to actually put some pot roast inside - plain, no other ingredients, except for the au juice that came with. It was really yummy. I usually eat pot roast with rice, but this actually tasted way better and left me feeling less bloated. I'm going to do this more often!

[Deilla]

I have been very hungry.

[SprinkL3]

I struggle with dissociative eating as well as overeating. I don't have an ED, but I do have to watch what I eat by using treatments for DID (IFS, per my psychotherapist), coping skills for PTSD (per my psychotherapist), a very flexible FODMAP guide (per my primary care), some helpful tips from Dr. Gourmet's website and book, and eating before I shop for contactless door deliveries or even package deliveries.

I overdid it with the emergency stocking of food - in case we had another lockdown in our area (due to high test positivity rates, crisis standards of care throughout our entire state, and high counts of deaths). Thankfully, no lockdowns - even though I've elected to shelter/isolate in place for the past 19 months. I may decide to donate some food to the local shelters, or try and space out the food in order to eat as healthy as possible and not waste it. My PTSD and dissociation kicked in around this time, so that's the origin of my resulting spending behaviors. As far as eating is concerned, it's easier to make the excuse that I want to eat up what's in the cupboards instead of pacing my foods out, planning meals, and donating that which I won't use or shouldn't use. So, I'm taking small steps to work out my plan over the course of the remainder of this year.

Being sedentary also has its risks, especially when having both a physiological and neurological autoimmune-based disorder (from chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis: CFS/ME) that keeps me bedbound half the days every day and homebound every day. Additionally, insomnia, PTSD, and other mental and neurological conditions affect our metabolism, which can affect our insulin, other hormone levels, and adipocytes (fat/weight-based cells). My rehabilitation therapist (a specialist in a different department, adjacent to physical therapy at the VA) suggested that I try "exercise snacks" or "movement snacks" at least once an hour or, if ill, then periodically throughout the day. She said it could be for as little as a minute to as much as my body can tolerate, but to not overdo it, due to my CFS/ME and its resulting post-exertional malaise (PEM) when I do overdo it. So, I limit myself to no more than 30-minute movements, whether I'm doing dishes, laundry, floors, other house chores, or simple stretches and pacing. All of these things will help me burn some calories while coping with boredom (and the dissociative eating that sometimes goes along with). Speaking internally with all of my parts to schedule certain times of the day for certain groups help me to balance my days and my mind-body habits.

Also, my music therapist outside of the VA will help me with finding music that will relax me enough to aid with my CFS/ME somehow. I have many therapists and specialists helping me with all of these issues, which inadvertently helps me with body-mind maintenance, including eating habits. We'll see how that goes, beginning this week.

I'm doing everything I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle, given my limitations. I find that embracing and accepting my limitations helps me to deal with my depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD responses, dissociative responses, and judgments from external sources. My limitations are my own, and my treatment team is aware of them. They know I can't do what most neurotypical people can do, as I remain neurodivergent. They also know that my mobility is limited, due to both physiological disorders, injuries, and neurological disorders. Not all of my clinicians will agree, but I try to find and utilize what works and chuck what doesn't. My T has helped me tremendously with these decisions.

Who would have thought that our eating habits, our weight, our mind-body (im)balance, our cognition, our mental disorders/illnesses/issues/symptoms, our sleeping habits, our exercise habits, and our spending habits were altogether related?

taking a deep breath.

running made me tally up my calories and i started thinking i'd restrict. then of course the result was binging. then i got hit with an anxiety attack. the only way i know how to deal with anxiety is with more exercise. i walked 5 miles to burn the time away. i listened to podcasts. the extra walking wasn't only about calories. i hope i haven't aggravated my injury.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm actually having a good ED day for the first time in a while. I had a pancake and yogurt for breakfast and some chicken for lunch and I'm not super duper thinking I ate too much.

[Deilla]

I ate a lot today. I am stuffed. Later I will have to get some animal protein.

[MuddyBoots]

Nevermind the last post. Binged/purged. I'm going to plan everything I eat this week and hopefully that'll end this cycle of restricting, binging, and purging.

[MuddyBoots]

I feel so out of control.

[unaluna]

Ya know, you're allowed to eat! The question of "Can you WAIT to eat?" - which i always used to ask myself - probably is a hangover from my caregivers, for whom i was just an inconvenience. When i had to pee or poop was also inconvenient for them. My having a clean body was an inconvenience for them. My having long curly hair as a child was an inconvenience to them.

I even used to say to my last t, that i was allowed to eat, and he couldnt disguise his horror. He didnt get it. But he had grown up in a family that more than accommodated him. Not one where he had to hide.

Now that i am 70 and overweight and on certain meds, i have to head to the bathroom on time or else. No more "can you wait". I also have made it a habit to make breakfast and have coffee as soon as i wake up. I am entitled to a happy daily ritual. I need more. No more waiting to care for myself and Pamper(!) myself.

[Blue_Bird]

I bought a bunch of healthy groceries today and made a fairly reasonable meal plan for the next week and a half, now the hard part comes, actually eating the food, and not just solely living on Ensure and other nutrition shakes

I need to go to the dentist soon, have caused a lot more damage to my teeth from purging

[MuddyBoots]

We're getting takeout tonight. I don't know what I'm getting and not knowing where we're getting the food is making me nervous and panicky.

[Mountaindewed]

My mom says I’m not eating enough. I feel like I’m eating plenty. I had half a muffin with apple butter and a hard boiled egg for breakfast. So carbs and protein. She just had half the muffin with butter and no protein. I did get a bit lazy around dinner time but it was because I was sick and didn’t feel like making my usual food. I’ve been doing intermittent fasting. It’s been working well although today I needed Gatorade at 4AM. I had 4 little bottles of Gatorade zeros 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. I’m worried about all that sodium. But I was sick and I didn’t have any other option. I mean I think Gatorade is good for when your sick. I’m kinda worried my hips are sticking out a lot. With a hoodie it’s ok. But with just a T shirt I worry my stomach is flat and then there’s my hips. My mom says it’s in my head and it’s not a big deal. Bigger trans men have a harder time passing then smaller trans men I think. Although other people have said the opposite. My trans affirming medical doctor told me to stay off those sites. I took a sideways picture today and I actually look pretty good. Everything seems pretty flat and narrow. It was good enough to share it with a friend.