[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Pretty much where I always am, seems like nothing is filling me up

Always ending up hungry.. I don't like it

I been there myself.

[MuddyBoots]

I went one week without purging. I've been finding it difficult to do so lately (only blood comes up) so have kinda been forced not to. My case worker says I should be proud because I haven't binged and tried every day, but I'm just not feeling it.

It's like I'm not proud of being 50 some odd days clean from substances, but again that feels like it was forced because it's part of my conditional discharge and if I get drug tested and test positive for anything, I'll be forced to go back to the state hospital (which will take at least a month out of my life).

I also feel like it's basic human things to do. Most people don't eat half the house and throw it all up and don't feel the need to feel accomplished to do so. Most people aren't proud that they're not drug addicts because it's not a thing most people go through. If most people can do the basics without feeling accomplished to do so, why should I feel proud?

[Mountaindewed]

My pdoc upped one of my meds. Then my endocronolgist upped my t shots. So my anxiety and paranoia and nervousness are a ton better. My hunger has been kinda a ***** though. I'm just shoving in the Greek yogurt and fish for protein and the pasta and fruit for carbs. Today I managed although nothing really filled me up.

Not having this dumbass crippling anxiety feels so good though.

My brother in law and 9 year old nephew dropped by just to say hello and my mom gave my nephew a couple of my coats that I don't find mature enough. They still fit though. My brother in law said they will fit my nephew in a couple years. And my mom said "now you can wear Uncle Mountaindeweds clothes!"

Yeah I do not have the body of an 11 year old. Way to make me feel like a scrawny weenie.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I went one week without purging. I've been finding it difficult to do so lately (only blood comes up) so have kinda been forced not to. My case worker says I should be proud because I haven't binged and tried every day, but I'm just not feeling it.

It's like I'm not proud of being 50 some odd days clean from substances, but again that feels like it was forced because it's part of my conditional discharge and if I get drug tested and test positive for anything, I'll be forced to go back to the state hospital (which will take at least a month out of my life).

I also feel like it's basic human things to do. Most people don't eat half the house and throw it all up and don't feel the need to feel accomplished to do so. Most people aren't proud that they're not drug addicts because it's not a thing most people go through. If most people can do the basics without feeling accomplished to do so, why should I feel proud?

Your doing great! Have you seen a doctor about the blood?

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Your doing great! Have you seen a doctor about the blood?

No, but I figure it's just from straining my esophagus/stomach lining. It's only a little bit and only when I'm (trying to) purge so I'm not super concerned.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

No, but I figure it's just from straining my esophagus/stomach lining. It's only a little bit and only when I'm (trying to) purge so I'm not super concerned.

That is possible. I done it myself especially with reflux.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm back to my normal stuff. Not really restricting anymore though. I'm just eating pretty decently. Although I didn't eat all of my ice cream since they filled it to the top and added whipped cream for some reason and I haven't had dinner yet. My therapist says I need more carbs. She says I need bread. I haven't eaten straight up bread in ages. Even bagels or english muffins....

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm back to my normal stuff. Not really restricting anymore though. I'm just eating pretty decently. Although I didn't eat all of my ice cream since they filled it to the top and added whipped cream for some reason and I haven't had dinner yet. My therapist says I need more carbs. She says I need bread. I haven't eaten straight up bread in ages. Even bagels or english muffins....

That is amazing

[Mountaindewed]

Today I haven't been hungry, but for real not hungry. I don't know if its the meds or what. I haven't restricted though. To be honest part of me just feels too lazy to make food. I'm mainly eating yogurt and fruit. I am going to buy some bread though.

[MuddyBoots]

Figured out how to purge again. Apparently I just can't get away with doing it 10+ times a week. I told myself I would eat normally today, but this morning I made a bowl of Mini Wheats and threw that out, then opened a yogurt and threw that out, then cried because why can't I just eat like a normal person? So I haven't eaten anything yet today and it's almost 3pm but I worked out for 40 minutes along with running around the house playing with the kittens so hopefully I won't binge tonight.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Today I haven't been hungry, but for real not hungry. I don't know if its the meds or what. I haven't restricted though. To be honest part of me just feels too lazy to make food. I'm mainly eating yogurt and fruit. I am going to buy some bread though.

Some time different medication will cause a person to eat more or eat less.

[Mountaindewed]

I was doing pretty good at not eating like a kid. I wasn't eating Lunchables or a lot of apple sauce. Then today I bought a can of Campbells spaghetti which screams 8 year old. My therapists pretty much don't even give a **** what I'm eating as long as I get in enough calories protein and carbs.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I was doing pretty good at not eating like a kid. I wasn't eating Lunchables or a lot of apple sauce. Then today I bought a can of Campbells spaghetti which screams 8 year old. My therapists pretty much don't even give a **** what I'm eating as long as I get in enough calories protein and carbs.

That is amazing

[MuddyBoots]

Things haven't been good over the holidays (loads of binging/purging) but I'm trying to get back on track.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Things haven't been good over the holidays (loads of binging/purging) but I'm trying to get back on track.

I’m sorry that you are struggling. Take it easy on yourself.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm tired and sleeping a lot and so I'm not eating as much. Or else I'm just grabbing an apple when I do get hungry which fills me up for awhile. So I don't think the restriction is on purpose really. I think my tiredness is just overpowering every other emotion including hunger

[Buffy01]

I forget to eat. I noticed how tired I am

[MuddyBoots]

Yesterday I tried eating like a "normal" person and I think I succeeded. I feel like I overate though, but all that chocolate from Christmas was tempting so I'm not going to beat myself up over that (who wouldn't eat those orange Kit Kats they got in their stocking???), I'm just gonna be happy I didn't binge/purge or restrict.

I did cry this morning because my mom ate the last of our tuna and I really wanted some for lunch today, but then I put on my big girl boots and went out and bought some. Now it's trying to actually get myself to eat it, and stop eating when I'm done

[MuddyBoots]

Have not binged or purged in four days (as long as I can make it the rest of the day which I should be able to do). I think I'm starting to get this under control again.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm doing decently and trying not to focus on the number but how I'm looking. My therapist has never seen me without a giant hoodie since its the winter and obviosuly cold out. I get comments by therapists without my hoodies on. Its really not my fault though how my stomach looks, and the fact I was mostly just chest before my top surgery.