[Mountaindewed]

I'm not restricting really I just have some disordered eating going on. I didn't want to eat anything hot for lunch. So I didn't want any rice. I need to save the rest of my bread for tommorow when I can't go out. So I just ate what was on my nightstand which was 5 Twizzlers and called that lunch.

I pretty much just eat bread yogurt and fish these days.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm not restricting really I just have some disordered eating going on. I didn't want to eat anything hot for lunch. So I didn't want any rice. I need to save the rest of my bread for tommorow when I can't go out. So I just ate what was on my nightstand which was 5 Twizzlers and called that lunch.

I pretty much just eat bread yogurt and fish these days.

That is good that you’re not restricting as much.

[MuddyBoots]

I have not binged or purged in over a week!

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I have not binged or purged in over a week!

Never mind....

[Mountaindewed]

Today was another bread, yogurt, and fish day. I'm kinda restricting because my stomach and anxiety feels off and I took a middle of the day nap so I ate lunch for dinner. I worked out this morning for the second time this week.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Have not binged or purged in four days (as long as I can make it the rest of the day which I should be able to do). I think I'm starting to get this under control again.

That is good

[MuddyBoots]

Getting fccking sick of every other thought being about food or numbers.

[Mountaindewed]

How many yogurts is too many. I've had 6 today.

[MuddyBoots]

"I don't wanna be myself/ it's making me so unwell... I don't wanna be myself/ just wanna be someone else."
Nothing but Thieves- Soda

Still stuck in the restrict/binge/purge cycle. I'm literally planning on binging and purging so hard tomorrow just because my mom won't be home and I can spend hours doing it.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist said my lunch of a can of tuna and a cup of black coffee is bad. My body aches from working out 3 days in a row. I want to sleep for 12 hours.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My therapist said my lunch of a can of tuna and a cup of black coffee is bad. My body aches from working out 3 days in a row. I want to sleep for 12 hours.

Geez thats my breakfast like 3 times a week. Only with creamer and a WASA crispbread or two. But basically the same.

Also it is surprising to me how wiped out i get from exercising. It doesnt feel THAT hard while im doing it. Good news is, i do eventually feel improvement, like after two weeks of being consistent, like every other day.

[Mountaindewed]

Is it technically purging if your throwing up in order to feel better physically, not because you binged? I thought I needed to eat but I ate a yogurt and that just made things worse. I tried 2 advil and that didn't work. I tried a heating pad and that didnt work. So now I don't know what else to do but I feel sick as **** and I want some relief so badly. I honestly dont know if I really do need to throw up. How do you know?

I just ****ed myself up though I know that much.

[MuddyBoots]

Just read this

Many factors can contribute to an increased risk of suicide or attempted suicide among people with eating disorders. These include suffering from multiple forms of mental illness, family issues and conflicts, social isolation, a sense of being a burden to others, a history of previous suicide attempts, a disregard for the dangerous consequences of their behavior, tolerance for high-risk, impulsive behaviors, and a sense of fearlessness when it comes to death.

I have literally all of those factors.

[Deilla]

I did a little bit of overeating today. But I'm full now. I think I will be fine until the morning.

[Mountaindewed]

I haven't eaten much since Saturday and today I mostly ate before 3AM then for dinner around 2:30 I had 2 fish tacos with just the fish, lettuce, cheese, and tomatos, and half of a cheese quesadilla. And my mom says that I am "close" to where I should be. Really? I mean maybe my idea of food really is messed up. But I also had 3 yogurts and 2 pieces of bread today aIong with 1/2 cup of chai pudding and some popcorn. So I mean, how is that not plenty? I have to stop eating the second I feel full (which is pretty quickly) or I get worried I'll feel sick later. I honestly swear its just hard to please these folks. Or else I'm so far up my *** in denial.

I told my therapist I wouldn't take any progress pictures for the next week. She asked me what I thought I was able to do. Not weigh myself for the next week, or not take progress pictures. I told her progress pictures.

She said my goals this week is to not do the progress pictures and to eat every 4 hours.

[unaluna]

"Before 3 am"? None of my business of course but do you really eat in the middle of the night? Like then you stay up? I know i sometimes have problems with my wake/sleep cycle too, but you even beat me. I know mine is due to my mother working afternoons when i was a baby (from 6pm to 2 am), i used to stay awake in bed waiting for her to get home. Then while i was working, i often got called in the middle of the night, and at one point worked the nighttime 12 hr shift for almost a year. I was pretty much a basket case after that.

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah, because I finish eating at 3 in the afternoon. I don't have like big meals before 3AM. Just like bread and a yogurt or 2. But I do normally eat before 9AM most days then just have a small lunch and dinner.

Today I slept until almost 4 so I didn't eat anything until 6.

[unaluna]

I think im confused because AM is morning - midnight to noon. PM is "post meridian" - afternoon - noon to midnight. But it looks like you say 3 AM as afternoon?

[Mountaindewed]

I start eating between 1AM-3AM in the morning but I always finish eating everyday by 3PM in the afternoon.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

the other day I was flushing so much that at the end I drank a **** ton of water to try and get the last bits out and then my side started hurting so badly right where my kidney is, and I was shaking like a maraca.

I felt better after peeing and having some salty crackers

Four purge-free days later I had an appointment for an injection (two days ago) and she sent me for blood work. My creatinine levels were off (but that could be from having Li toxicity several times), but everything else is back to normal.