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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,537
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#801
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
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3 4,851 hugs
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#802
Overate yesterday which turned into a full on binge/purge episode. So much for my b/p free streak. Time to start over again. At least it's getting to be 1-2 times a week rather than 1-2 times a day.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
Buffy01
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,537
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,712 hugs
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#803
Take it easy on yourself. Kati Morton has some great videos for eating disorders.
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
MuddyBoots
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
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7 8,783 hugs
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#804
The barista got my order mixed up and gave me a large iced tea instead of a small. She only charged me for a small. So of course most people would be super happy to get a $6 drink for $3. But I was kinda freaking out. I couldn't say I didn't want it. So I was trying to recalculate calories for the day in my head to fit the tea in and finally I just drank what I guessed equaled to a small and gave the rest to my mom who for once didn't lecture me about restriction.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Buffy01
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#805
I saw a trans man on Reddit who looked like a legit man. He was heavy but still passed. I pass too, but I pass with the body shape of a teenager and my face looks young. My mom said I look like I'm 23 instead of 30. I'm not sure what to do about it. I can't change my height. Not too many stores sell XS mens shirts or hoodies. I for sure don't want to gain weight. Yeah. Maybe I should just stay away from Reddit.
I guess you could say I restricted today technically. I had 2 Uncrustables to eat. I had some stuff to drink though. It was just physical stuff going on that made me not hungry. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
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3 4,851 hugs
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#806
Three days b/p free, but I'm gaining...
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
Buffy01
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,537
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,712 hugs
given |
#807
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#808
I was looking at my patient portal for my pdoc and I guess I've had a diagnosed ED since Feb 2021. I knew my therapist at the time thought I had one but I didn't know it was an officialy put on paper diagnosis. I always thought it was just suspected. Or else I'm just still that far up my *** in denial about this
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Buffy01
|
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#809
My T confirmed I have bulimia today. Feels weird. I knew, but, knowing it's official is different.
4.5 days purge free __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#810
I wanted to get a grilled cheese sandwhich today. I got 3 large flavored Diet Cokes instead. Thats disordered behavior for sure. I'm tired from eating a lot of Uncrustables lately but they don't hurt my stomach. I went through my food rack I use as a pantry and really cleaned it up. I wonder if I hoard food.
I feel like I ate a ton but its just from the Diet Coke and 2 rice cakes and the 50oz of water I've had to drink. I haven't eaten much since Thursday maybe. I keep sleeping through dinner and it pisses my mom off. I did it like 3 times recently. She trys 3 times to wake me up but I am so hard to wake up. I suddenly feel like I'm going to have a panic attack after eating some plain boiled chicken. Idk why, but this happened after I ate a can of tuna the other week. Its just some weird reaction to meat I've had all of a sudden. I think I can do chicken strips ok. Not sure what else I've had with meat in it recently besides Hot Pockets. This girl I knew in treatment had an eating disorder and had issues with meat. I just looked at my food log and I had some grilled nuggets on Monday which caused a freak out and some Sirloin steak last Sunday which caused an arguement with my mom over things. __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Apr 29, 2023 at 02:39 PM.. |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#811
Can my eating disorder fck off now? Seriously. Sick of this food/weight/body obsession.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#812
I'm too tired to eat today. I had some cheese around 3AM and a little cup of ice cream at 9. I just tried some wonton soup which didn't agree with me. I thawed an Uncrustable this morning. So I'll have that for dinner. I just feel like drinking water today but I'm slacking on my water goal.
I can't live without Uncrustables. You don't have to worry about measuring anything. I wish they still had the grilled cheese ones though. __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Apr 30, 2023 at 03:04 PM.. |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#813
Just b/p'd after 6 days "clean." Almost made a week, dammit. Maybe next time.
Now there's a bucket of vomit under my bed. edit: wait it was actually last Sunday I last purged so I did make it a week, go me! __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. Last edited by MuddyBoots; Apr 30, 2023 at 04:25 PM.. |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#814
I binged/purged once again last night and I'm bleeding when I purge again but this time there was what looked like coffee grinds which my doc says can indicate a tear in the esophagus or an ulcer so now I have to get an endoscopy. I was doing so well too.
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
unaluna
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,537
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,712 hugs
given |
#815
Quote:
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#816
I ate in the morning like before 9AM. Since then I've only had a cup of rice pudding. My stomach hurts. My mom wants to get pizza for dinner and I don't understand why she doesn't get things. She is so accepting of everything else but doesn't understand that I can't just decide to eat pizza all of a sudden.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#817
I woke up late and didn't eat or drink anything at night besides a cookie. I've had 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, an Uncrustable, and a medium refresher drink from Dunkins.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,235
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,783 hugs
given |
#818
I'm restricting because I'm trying to figure out this new med with wonky instructions. Also it says online it apparently works just as well as gastric bypass surgery. Idk.
I feel so sick right now. I want to throw up. All I did was throw up a bit in my mouth and coughed. I think I restricted too much today and I can't do that with these new meds. I'm stretched out in bed hoping the pain passes. I ate a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter to see if that would help __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; May 03, 2023 at 04:34 PM.. |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#819
and now one of my knuckles is infected from scraping against my teeth
My throat hurts so much right now. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,158
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,851 hugs
given |
#820
My therapist is supposed to get training in eating disorders and my peer support specialist already started
I'm beginning to notice on the days I have a good breakfast and then go on a 5+ mile run I don't b/p so hopefully I can just start doing that every day and be done with this shyt. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
unaluna
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unaluna
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