[Anrea]

I got worse again on my Birthday Mrch 20th. I have been B/P like every 3 days or more. I stopped caring, and wanted to just eat regular (like I used to), instead of all this healthy food and dieting. But lately my attitude has improved and I'm getting back to watching Katie Papo videos about how to stop binging. I'm having trouble purging lately, I don't know why. Body just stopped being able to do it well. So my new mantra is "If I can't purge, I can't binge." It's stupid, but if I don't binge, I won't purge. I don't purge regular eating - only binges. So anyway, gotta get better.

[Mountaindewed]

I've been really watching what I eat and lately dieting is the only thing that brings me joy. I was told by a therapist that people with restricting type EDs or traits enjoy the self control part because its the only part of their life that they can control. My life just keeps spiraling yet I can still control the food part.

[Anrea]

I've slid all the way back to B/P a few times a week. I keep thinking once I hit my goal weight I will stop. 5 more pounds.

another bad week.

out of 7 meals,

Possible trigger:

I threw up 6

only managing to eat the mcdonalds- the only meal I didn't cook

i've said it before, my cooking is... well. worryingly bad

tonight I'm having KFC

not that I really want to, I need to eat. I've been feeling dizzy

[unaluna]

only managing to eat the mcdonalds- the only meal I didn't cook
i've said it before, my cooking is... well. worryingly bad

Raging - i dont really cook, i just heat stuff up. Beans, lentils, rice, canned fish and meat, canned veg, canned fruit. Low carb torillas make everything possible!

[Mountaindewed]

Frozen drinks have been helping my throat better then pain meds so my moms solution is for me to drink homemade vanilla milk shakes while my solution is to get non fat milk coffee frappuchinos. But Starbucks is expensive. So idk.

[Deilla]

I've been eating a lot of food lately.

[Mountaindewed]

I know some people consider my diet "appaling" but I'm going through a lot of health issues right now and I often lose my appetite. So I eat what I can and what sounds good because eating something is better then not eating at all. Why do you think they put Mcdonalds in childrens hospitals besides the obvious Ronald Mcdonald House reason?

[Victoria'smom]

So I'm back :'( . I'm down to

Possible trigger:

1 "meal” a day

I'm not drinking enough.

[Mountaindewed]

Today just seems to be a general lack of appetite because of physical reasons and also a bit of anxiety as well which is causing me to lose my appeitite. I got a crap ton of my safe foods this morning so at least I'll be able to eat when I feel like I can.

[Mountaindewed]

It seems I can mostly tolerate caffeine free Coke, Lunchables, and instant mashed potatos. I had a can of chicken noodle soup which set my nausea over the edge for a bit. The coffee I had was ok. My therapist wants me to meet with an ED specialist for a one time only session to get my eating back on track. But I mean, if food is making me physically sick then I'm not sure what the point of seeing her would be. My mom said go to humor my T. My mom is the one who is seeing me struggle physically every day. Yeah I want to lose weight and I do enjoy dieting. But theres also some things going on that are just physically wrong with me that are unrelated to food.

[Anrea]

I'm eating close to my TDEE, and trying not to purge. Day 2. I haven't made it farther than 5 days since early April.

[Mountaindewed]

I've been snacking on Tic Tacs all day. But I didn't do too bad I don't think. I mean probably to some people I did bad. I had turkey for dinner and I actually ate at an actual normal dinner time.

[Mountaindewed]

I guess the tic tacs are unhealthy and are a negative coping skill? I've been eating pretty normally besides the fact I haven't been feeling good. I like shows like Top Model and Drag Race that can promote these unhealthy behaviors but thats not why I watch them and if anything I can find them relatable. My therapists know I watch them and could care less or either don't get the connection.

[MuddyBoots]

I b/p'd yesterday for the first time in months. Clear trigger was an awful therapy session. I've been in a mixed bipolar episode too so lots of impulsivity at play. It's a one time thing.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist after saying things were fine since we've been meeting since October, now thinks theres an issue. She wants me to meet with her supervisor who knows more about EDs and healthy eating then she does. She promises its just a one time thing and she's not going to switch me to another therapist, but I've had this backdoor **** happen quite a few times in therapy. I think she's just noticing things because Its too hot to have my normal hoodies on right now. Nothing has changed besides physical stuff that doesn't concern her at all.

[Mountaindewed]

I also asked her right away in my very first session with her if she knew about EDs so this exact thing wouldn't happen. And she said yeah she did.

[unaluna]

You eat, you just eat kinda weird. Like a 7-11 diet. Its probably not that different from any computer programmer who doesnt break for dinner. We used to call it "machine cuisine."

Do you connect food with gender roles at all? My cousin's wife posts on facebook every day what she makes for dinner. Her adult kids often come over to eat with them. She says she likes to cook and has done it since she was young. Im like, i would rather... not! The most i do is microwave something, or now that im trying to eat more veg, i will slice a cucumber. But everything else needs to be already bite-size!

I dont know myself what this is about, except that im getting pretty good at it. I feel like i am finally developing my own eating style instead of having it forced on me either by family or by inhumane work circumstances. I am still trying to right size. I ate about ten cups of various veg today, about half lettuces (kale, spinach etc) and half hard (broccoli etc). A can of tuna, a can of chicken, an ounce of feta, a bag of rice, crumpets. And a couple of cookies. I gotta have my cookies.

[unaluna]

Holy carp! I also exercised last night, and i felt pretty good doing it, esp for it being the first time in a while. So my blood sugar dropped like a hundred points in a week. Eating better had dropped it 60 pts early on, then it didnt move, but this morning, down another 40 pts. Feels like the first time anything i have ever done has had an EFFECT.

The weight watchers diabetic diet is GREAT. You EARN extra (daily) points for eating veg, immediately. That is reinforcing the correct habits for me. You earn extra weekly points for exercising. Ive read on their site that some people dont like being "allowed" to eat "extra" food. All i can say is, it works for me. I need something that lets me eat enough so that i am not weak and hungry, so i have enough energy to exercise, so i can then have a cookie! It is really hard for me to - idk.

I used to have just a plain bologna sandwich for lunch in grade school, and a milk. (On top of NO breakfast.) I always envied other kids who got stuff like carrot sticks or fruit in their packed lunch. Now i am doing that for me. Instead of just tuna on toast for breakfast, i have it with lettuce and guac, and fruit after. Luxury!