I am currently thinking about eating a packet of chocolate orange segments

[ReveuseTroublee]

It is really hard to keep everything in currently. I feel nauseous after eating and I think that is more of a mental thing.

Every day I wonder whether or not I should attempt to eat more. Whether I am too thin or too fat or if I should maintain. If I am healthy or weak. I'm genuinely confused. Today I made a video of myself working out and I looked very thin. Looked at other videos I took of myself, and I look very thin. Something I want for myself is a personal trainer. I need to prioritize strength over thinness. But sometimes I think I'm not thin enough.

Apparently the amount of calories I should be eating to maintain my weight, factoring in my activity, is around 1900 per day. I just don't believe that. I worry about eating close to that number every day. It just seems like I would gain. Although lately I have been eating more than usual and I haven't really gained.

I'm meant to be having steak tonight.

but all ready started on the chocolate.. it's barely early afternoon

[Deilla]

I did well yesterday and so far today is going well.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist asked me about what I was reading this past weekend and I told her I was reading books about people with EDs.

She said “ok, we need to watch that because that’s promoting ana and mia behaviors.”

I just thought the books were interesting. I don’t follow or promote any of that ED stuff.

[Deilla]

Tuesday night I binged on smoothies. I was stressed and had 3 big ones in a row. It's made my sugar spike and I was very ill all day yesterday. I just forgot that I had diabetes. I wanted comfort and the sweet and cold are very soothing to me. I just have to limit it to one a day. And try to get the bags of fruit without the added sugar.

I didn't do well yesterday with junkfood.

today was able to eat my dinner though and enjoy it..

[Deilla]

I was craving comfort food yesterday, but I avoided it.

I had mcdonalds today.

makes 2 takeouts this week..

today is defenetly a picky/ bad day

even my dinner is going to be picky food like a buffet

[Mountaindewed]

I had a protein bar. I got Taco Bell around 10 which is what I usually get when I’m low on money and I don’t want to eat a ton of calories but still have food. I got 3 tacos. I purposely let stuff fall out of them because I’ve heard of this saying that goes “leave some on your plate” I had some vegetables around 1. I left the carrots. I had a soft pretzel for a snack. It was plain and not salted or buttered. I think I’ll go exercise for as long as I possibly can.

I am completely full now

too much in my tummy

I have eaten a whole bag of chocolate orange segments today so far

I feel like absolute crap. I just feel disgusting and dirty.

[Deilla]

I've been doing better with my eating. I'm cooking something healthy now. I'm not hungry. I just wanted to cook for later. I'll have a taste and then let it cool before I put it up. I might cook some other things as well. Cooking helps me feel better.

I was sad yesterday because I wanted duck for dinner and had to settle with chicken wings. ate them all (unhappily) then ate square crisps

today I have eaten more square crisps, and I am eating steak for dinner. I know I'll eat it though, I love steak (recent addition to my like list, actually)

Originally Posted by sfogliatella

I feel like absolute crap. I just feel disgusting and dirty.

aww

I'm sorry

[Deilla]

I'm not hungry but I wanted a smoothie. I love frozen and sweet. I probably should have made a frappuccino instead.

steak was good!. I didn't eat again after, so must have filled me up

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist told me that people with eating disorders are just not hungry and that’s like part of the hormone part of it. I thought people with eating disorders were always hungry but were just ignoring it. I mean I’m not hungry 6 out of 7 days of the week but I just thought I was legit not hungry because meds were helping me not be hungry or something. I didn’t think that it was the disorder controlling things.

A lot of the food and weight loss talk she said didn’t really go with what I’ve always believed.

didn't do too well yesterday plenty of junkfood, not enough proper food

[Deilla]

I ate early this morning and now I'm craving soup. I am stressed and want food to comfort me.

I ate mcdonalds today.

feeling rather full since I ate biscuits earlier too

deffenetly a lot of cookies today

clearly I'm struggling, was feeling sick and just continued eating. not even time for dinner yet