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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,123
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#1
Earlier in the summer I was binging and purging but I stopped when I saw a little bit of blood in my vomit and then I just started eating less. I have schizoaffective disorder and was hospitalized for it and they messed up my meds and I became really paranoid about everything they were putting in my body-especially food because at least the meds I can watch them take the pill out of the pouch. So I stopped eating for a few days because I didn't want to get sick again because of them.
Now I'm still not eating much and I've lost a **** ton of weight. Everyone calls me skinny or says stuff like "wow you lost a lot of weight, good for you." I feel good about that, but I want to lose more. I want to look how I did in high school when I was on the varsity XC and track team (AKA underweight). I look at my body and all I see is the fat that I want to vanish forever. A friend of mine brought up concern that I hardly eat and I walk too much and she thinks I have a proper eating disorder. Food does make me anxious and meal times suck, but I think that's just leftover paranoia from being poisoned, although I don't particularly feel fear of getting sick, it's more fear of gaining weight now. I keep a journal of what I eat and when so I can look at it and be like "you can't have the whole sandwich because you had a handful of pecans 4 hours ago." I store "safe foods" hidden in my bedroom too so other people can't eat them on me and I have them for when I need them. I don't know what to think. I'm still processing the psychosis and I think that's going to take a while because it was quite severe and still lingering (I get stuck in disorganized thinking for a few hours at a time here and there and I still get paranoid about other things and sometimes hallucinate but it's nowhere as bad as it was). I am at a "healthy weight" for my height, but I used to be very overweight bordering on obese about a year ago so the weight loss is present. Does this sound more like recovering from a schizoaffective episode or eating disorder-ish? Sorry this was so long. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,740
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#2
It does sound like eating disorder behavior, but it's best to bring it up with your therapist and/or psychiatrist.
I also have schizoaffective bipolar type and am diagnosed with an eating disorder. One thing to keep in mind is you can still be at a healthy weight and have an eating disorder. They're still dangerous, at any weight. A "normal" weight person could have negative medical consequences from restricting just as an overweight person can and an underweight person too. I was a normal weight for my height when I ended up in the hospital from having an abnormal heartbeat and being extremely dehydrated from the restricting. I hope you're able to figure this out with your therapist and get some help for it __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,905
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#3
I'm overweight and still have an restricted type eating disorder. I have Sza. One of my voices are named Anna because she tells me horrible things so I restricted
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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